It can be very motivating to see someone get mad at you though. All at once, lots of things become clear: (1) this is important to that person, (2) you need to

It can be very motivating to see someone get mad at you though. All at once, lots of things become clear: (1) this is important to that person, (2) you need to treat this seriously, and (3) this is really uncomfortable, it would be good to avoid future discomforts (i.e. change behavior more permanently, not just this one time). Kindness actually triggers the exact opposite of the 3 things above: suddenly everything seems like no big deal and nothing ever changes. Just great: now you’re setting yourself up for several more unpleasant interactions in the future, instead of just fixing something from the beginning. There are a lot of other considerations too... For one, the person “yelling” is usually not the only “unkind” person in the interaction, even if that’s the most obvious one. It is unkind, for instance, to be a lazy person who goes into situations utterly unprepared, showing no respect; at that point, YOU aren’t being “nice” so why do you expect niceness in return? And sometimes niceness gets in the way of well-understood, efficient processes. On a mailing list, say, you’re better off making a direct statement that isn’t wrapped in two extra paragraphs of polite tone for everyone to read through. And heck, when you’re driving, you can create MAJOR traffic problems by being “kind” instead of just following the rules (ironically bubbling back and impacting 50 people for a mile because you wanted to be “kind” to one person; just watch some videos).