That is exactly the subject of the book, Crucial Conversations. They talk about the Fool's Choice, the false dichotomy of speaking truth (and holding someone ac

That is exactly the subject of the book, Crucial Conversations. They talk about the Fool's Choice, the false dichotomy of speaking truth (and holding someone accountable) while having a good relationship. It is possible to do both and the book has specific tools to get to that. The little bit I am applying is working well -- better than what has been happening before. You can find a wiki summary of the book and see if it helps.