3 ms·
Here's some feedback: sentences like "getting feedback is essential toward driving change" are the reason nobody likes IBM. "Change", as used here, is a noun b
by matt4077 9y ago
Here's some feedback: sentences like "getting feedback is essential toward driving change" are the reason nobody likes IBM.
"Change", as used here, is a noun based on the verb "to change". If your sentence calls for a verb, you can just go back to the original "to change".
Something isn't essential "toward" something else. It is essential "for" something else.
"is essential" is unnecessarily passive. Use active verbs.
"getting feedback" is slightly wrong, because what you need is the feedback, not the act of getting it.
"At the same time" is used here because it sounds smarter than "but". Don't do that.
Try this: "Change needs feedback".
- retreatguru 9y agoI loved your dissection of classic corporate-speak!
- lfender6445 9y agoi like how you made it more succinct by changing it to "Change needs feedback" but your drawn out explanation makes you sound like a person who doesn't know how to provide feedback
- anjc 9y agoOk Watson
- rdiddly 9y agoMostly good advice, except "Change needs feedback." No human talks like that. Change, as the subject of the sentence, "needs feedback?" What will happen when we take the feedback and give it to the change? What will the change do with the feedback? And what does the change need the feedback for? Not all brevity is the soul of wit.
- asveikau 9y agoI do agree that something was lost. How about "for change to happen, we need your feedback"? I think that conveys the message and request accurately and succinctly.
- deleted 9y ago[deleted]