The pitch is way too long and fluffy. The first paragraph is basically about how nice the beaches are. That immediately puts me off (I am not currently at the b

The pitch is way too long and fluffy. The first paragraph is basically about how nice the beaches are. That immediately puts me off (I am not currently at the beach, and neither are my colleagues). It is always better to open with facts instead of phrases that sound like marketing talk ("amazing beaches," "passionate doer," "great fit," "really love," "personal playground.") None of these are meaningful to your job performance.