4 ms·

I've seen this first hand. I'm married and we had a female developer come in to do some training. Neither one of us had lunch so I asked her if she wanted to gr

by throwaway2016a 9y ago

I've seen this first hand. I'm married and we had a female developer come in to do some training. Neither one of us had lunch so I asked her if she wanted to grab lunch, as I would have done with any other developer. I don't think either of us thought twice about it but I got some really funny looks walking out the door from some of the other employees.

downandout 9y ago
This of course is the problem with the hypersensitive environment we find ourselves in today. If she ever decided to make a claim against the company - perhaps she gets upset after being laid off or fired later on - she could now say that your conduct at the lunch made her uncomfortable, she felt pressured to go, etc. She could even lie and say you made a pass at her during lunch, and it would be your word against hers...and guess who most judges (espeically in Northern California) will believe? Especially when the other employees get on the stand and say "yes, we saw them leaving together and it looked odd". I don't know what the answer to this problem is, but I can guarantee that it will eventually lead to fewer women being hired in male dominated companies, and vice versa. Companies always lean toward taking on fewer liabilities, and given the "lunch is sexual harassment" atmosphere of today, these extreme overreactions to often well-intended conduct will turn into a classic case of winning the battle and losing the war.
- throwaway2016a 9y ago
  In this case she was not an employee. Our clients sometimes send their developers to spend a few days in house to learn the systems we write before we hand them over. Although you make a good point, I'm not sure if I would have done it if she reported to me.
  - convolvatron 9y ago
    i strongly believe that managers should stay away from relationships with people under them. unless they really don't care about either career. but managers should really be able to have one-on-one lunches with their employees. humanizing (not sexualizing) the relationship is important.
- BoiledCabbage 9y ago
  > "lunch is sexual harassment" atmosphere of today It's incredible the victim complex so many people seem to have. We go through a bunch of news stories of people bluntly sexually harassing people they work with, and the takeaway is "lunch as sexual harassment atmosphere". "Sexual harassment is sexual harassment" is the current atmosphere...

downandout 9y ago

This of course is the problem with the hypersensitive environment we find ourselves in today. If she ever decided to make a claim against the company - perhaps she gets upset after being laid off or fired later on - she could now say that your conduct at the lunch made her uncomfortable, she felt pressured to go, etc. She could even lie and say you made a pass at her during lunch, and it would be your word against hers...and guess who most judges (espeically in Northern California) will believe? Especially when the other employees get on the stand and say "yes, we saw them leaving together and it looked odd". I don't know what the answer to this problem is, but I can guarantee that it will eventually lead to fewer women being hired in male dominated companies, and vice versa. Companies always lean toward taking on fewer liabilities, and given the "lunch is sexual harassment" atmosphere of today, these extreme overreactions to often well-intended conduct will turn into a classic case of winning the battle and losing the war.

throwaway2016a 9y ago
In this case she was not an employee. Our clients sometimes send their developers to spend a few days in house to learn the systems we write before we hand them over. Although you make a good point, I'm not sure if I would have done it if she reported to me.
- convolvatron 9y ago
  i strongly believe that managers should stay away from relationships with people under them. unless they really don't care about either career. but managers should really be able to have one-on-one lunches with their employees. humanizing (not sexualizing) the relationship is important.
BoiledCabbage 9y ago
> "lunch is sexual harassment" atmosphere of today It's incredible the victim complex so many people seem to have. We go through a bunch of news stories of people bluntly sexually harassing people they work with, and the takeaway is "lunch as sexual harassment atmosphere". "Sexual harassment is sexual harassment" is the current atmosphere...