4 ms·
It's not the idea of avoiding drinking: it's the creation of a situation (being drunk with coworkers) which you shouldn't be in. Once an abuser can get you int
by panic 9y ago
It's not the idea of avoiding drinking: it's the creation of a situation (being drunk with coworkers) which you shouldn't be in. Once an abuser can get you into such a situation, they have an excuse for their abuse -- you shouldn't have been in that situation in the first place.
And it's not that different people will react to an event in different ways: it's the idea that you could always have reacted to an event in a certain way. If you didn't react to it that way, that's on you -- it's not the abuser's fault.
Put enough of these "mere ideas" together and you get the culture responsible for this environment of abuse that women are facing. We should try to chip away at as many bad ideas as we can!
You're right that flagging may not be the right tool to use here, though. Everyone says they want a reply, but in practice that tends to produce long discussions that rarely end up anywhere useful. What would you suggest? Maybe a mod could weigh in?
- QuadrupleA 9y agoAgreed, ideas create culture - I guess I've found personally that respectful discussion with those of opposing viewpoints is more productive than 'fighting' them or shutting them down entirely, which flagging kinda seems like. Those have the paradoxical effect of making the person more defensive and angry and work harder to promote their point. So a downvote and a reply with a more convincing argument seems reasonable. I don't know the HN systems that well though, I only post occasionally. And yeah, the discussions may not go anywhere. That's democracy :)