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I know it's not polite to ask about downvotes on HN but I'm also unsure why you where so quickly downvoted. I personally don't feel the same way you do, but I a

I know it's not polite to ask about downvotes on HN but I'm also unsure why you where so quickly downvoted. I personally don't feel the same way you do, but I also don't think you said anything rude or outlandish. As a small counter to your post though, I've read some articles recently talking about the importance of general social networking and one on one mentoring in some professions with the point being made that if men in power in these professions adopt a stance of not being alone with women, this could impact women's ability to progress professionally compared to their male peers. I think it's important that if you adopt such a stance, and are in a position of power, that you find ways to mitigate the unintended effect it may have on women. I actually have a male friend who was accused of harassment by a female subordinate that was later decided in his favor. Being gay, happily married, and from what I know of him a very good employee and boss, surely helped his case. After this incident he stopped all outside of work one on one meetings, but he did so with both men and women so no one is adversely impacted by his choice.

dijit 9y ago
Good response; I'm glad it worked out for your friend. I would agree that it might be a disadvantage for women, but conversely I would just make an effort to ensure there was _someone_ else with us, male or female. So instead of drinks 1:1 outside work, or a 1:1 meeting, It would instead be three people which mitigates both parties liability. I am a senior engineer, not a manager, but if I were a manager one on ones would be necessary, I would attempt to have HR in each 1:1 as an ass-saving measure anyway. But then again, I believe I would be a poor manager so I don't wish it on anybody.
- Inconel 9y ago
  I think a policy of having more than one person present in these kinds of meetings, especially if they are off site or after working hours, is certainly a good way to mitigate any risk as well as ensure everyone is still receiving the support or mentorship they need. As an aside, it's always nice to hear someone who recognizes they aren't a good fit to be a manager. I'm not sure I would be good at it either but it seems that even people who very obviously don't have the personality for it tend to jump at the opportunity.
  - biafra 9y ago
    What if both parties collude against you? Then you're in even more trouble. I don't get this paranoia against mixed gender one on one meetings at work. You're truly paranoid. I hope this is only a problem in the US. I have never heard of it in Germany or Europe. Do you really have an Anstandswauwau (chaperon) standing by? I would feel very weird participating only because a man and a woman cannot be trusted to behave professionally in a work environment.
    - dijit 9y ago
      Much less damage scope. Individuals can be vindictive sometimes. especially if they feel slighted, and have easy opportunity. It's generally curbed if they know they won't get away with petty revenge. I speak from experience from being around vindictive people.
- greenyoda 9y ago
  "I am a senior engineer, not a manager, but if I were a manager one on ones would be necessary, I would attempt to have HR in each 1:1 as an ass-saving measure anyway." That doesn't sound realistic, for a couple of reasons: 1. 1:1 meetings between a manager and their staff happen on a regular basis, e.g., weekly. If HR had to attend each of these meetings, they'd never get their own work done. (HR's job is to cover the company's ass, not yours.) 2. If your employee walks into your office for a 1:1 meeting and finds someone from HR there, they'll freak out because they'll think they're about to be fired. (That's a typical situation where managers call HR for backup.)

dijit 9y ago

Good response; I'm glad it worked out for your friend. I would agree that it might be a disadvantage for women, but conversely I would just make an effort to ensure there was _someone_ else with us, male or female. So instead of drinks 1:1 outside work, or a 1:1 meeting, It would instead be three people which mitigates both parties liability. I am a senior engineer, not a manager, but if I were a manager one on ones would be necessary, I would attempt to have HR in each 1:1 as an ass-saving measure anyway. But then again, I believe I would be a poor manager so I don't wish it on anybody.

Inconel 9y ago
I think a policy of having more than one person present in these kinds of meetings, especially if they are off site or after working hours, is certainly a good way to mitigate any risk as well as ensure everyone is still receiving the support or mentorship they need. As an aside, it's always nice to hear someone who recognizes they aren't a good fit to be a manager. I'm not sure I would be good at it either but it seems that even people who very obviously don't have the personality for it tend to jump at the opportunity.
- biafra 9y ago
  What if both parties collude against you? Then you're in even more trouble. I don't get this paranoia against mixed gender one on one meetings at work. You're truly paranoid. I hope this is only a problem in the US. I have never heard of it in Germany or Europe. Do you really have an Anstandswauwau (chaperon) standing by? I would feel very weird participating only because a man and a woman cannot be trusted to behave professionally in a work environment.
  - dijit 9y ago
    Much less damage scope. Individuals can be vindictive sometimes. especially if they feel slighted, and have easy opportunity. It's generally curbed if they know they won't get away with petty revenge. I speak from experience from being around vindictive people.
greenyoda 9y ago
"I am a senior engineer, not a manager, but if I were a manager one on ones would be necessary, I would attempt to have HR in each 1:1 as an ass-saving measure anyway." That doesn't sound realistic, for a couple of reasons: 1. 1:1 meetings between a manager and their staff happen on a regular basis, e.g., weekly. If HR had to attend each of these meetings, they'd never get their own work done. (HR's job is to cover the company's ass, not yours.) 2. If your employee walks into your office for a 1:1 meeting and finds someone from HR there, they'll freak out because they'll think they're about to be fired. (That's a typical situation where managers call HR for backup.)