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It's not as black and white as you try and portray it. Sure, if the other person says "sorry, I'm busy", that's a definite no. But what if they say is "sorry I'

It's not as black and white as you try and portray it. Sure, if the other person says "sorry, I'm busy", that's a definite no. But what if they say is "sorry I'm busy, perhaps some other time"? Are they actually busy and do they actually mean that? Or is it a polite rejection? At this point, you need to figure out based on body language which one they mean. If you guess wrong and ask again, you're a sexual harasser. If the original conversation was over text and you have no body language other than emojis you're more likely to guess wrong. Nice going, sexual harasser. And I think it's safe to say that many women will refuse to even consider asking a man out. It's entirely on the guy to initiate everything. Now put yourself in the shoes of someone who spends most of their time at work. In this thread I've seen jibes about how such people should get a life, but let's admit for a second that that's not easy. Such people have a choice - ask out a coworker or remain alone for a long while. In a situation like that, I can understand how they'd be strongly inclined towards interpreting "some other time" as an opportunity rather than a rejection.

watwut 9y ago
That dude will be alone whether he technically has girlfriend or not. By your own description, he spends all the time in work, lets assume working. So they get maybe cofee break together anyway. If he is not working majority of the time he is in work, then maybe he should go socialize elsewhere so that he does not slow other people's work with socialising. There is nothing more irritating than having late meeting or having to work weekend, because basically dude who was supposed to do code review socialize instead of working. This dude wants it both ways. He wants to be seen as super hard worker, hero who is all the time working - and at the same time he wants to have non work life experiences. So he wants workplace to become like a bar or playground. Then the workplace becomes ineffective but we all get to pretend we are hard workers. > In a situation like that, I can understand how they'd be strongly inclined towards interpreting "some other time" as an opportunity rather than a rejection. But then she gets blamed for "not being direct enough" - including here on hacker news. Altrough the issue is not that he did not get it, issue is that he really really does not want to hear the no. I mean, I get the wishful thinking and dont mind relationship between people, but don't then chalk the persistent dude behavior on girls not being clear or direct enought.
yorwba 9y ago
> At this point, you need to figure out based on body language which one they mean. Or you could ask for clarification. To get a definite answer, you should not ask the same kind of question that got you an ambiguous response last time, but instead directly address that ambiguity.
- gcatalfamo 9y ago
  That's not how romantic relationship work, asking for clarification of ambiguities in a phase where 90% of things done and said are pure ambiguity

watwut 9y ago

That dude will be alone whether he technically has girlfriend or not. By your own description, he spends all the time in work, lets assume working. So they get maybe cofee break together anyway. If he is not working majority of the time he is in work, then maybe he should go socialize elsewhere so that he does not slow other people's work with socialising. There is nothing more irritating than having late meeting or having to work weekend, because basically dude who was supposed to do code review socialize instead of working. This dude wants it both ways. He wants to be seen as super hard worker, hero who is all the time working - and at the same time he wants to have non work life experiences. So he wants workplace to become like a bar or playground. Then the workplace becomes ineffective but we all get to pretend we are hard workers. > In a situation like that, I can understand how they'd be strongly inclined towards interpreting "some other time" as an opportunity rather than a rejection. But then she gets blamed for "not being direct enough" - including here on hacker news. Altrough the issue is not that he did not get it, issue is that he really really does not want to hear the no. I mean, I get the wishful thinking and dont mind relationship between people, but don't then chalk the persistent dude behavior on girls not being clear or direct enought.

yorwba 9y ago

> At this point, you need to figure out based on body language which one they mean. Or you could ask for clarification. To get a definite answer, you should not ask the same kind of question that got you an ambiguous response last time, but instead directly address that ambiguity.

gcatalfamo 9y ago
That's not how romantic relationship work, asking for clarification of ambiguities in a phase where 90% of things done and said are pure ambiguity