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The "guide not control" recommendation needs to account for both the severity of the potential consequences of an action (e.g., playing in traffic on a busy str

by phd514 9y ago

The "guide not control" recommendation needs to account for both the severity of the potential consequences of an action (e.g., playing in traffic on a busy street) and the maturity of the child (e.g., a two-year-old will not be given the option of choosing his own bedtime whereas a 17-year-old may be better able to handle the consequences of less sleep due to staying up late).

dsfyu404ed 9y ago
The stuff with serious consequences shouldn't come up often if at all if you've started guiding far enough in advance. By the time they're in high-school they should know the reason you don't cheat on exams, drive drunk and do weed (varies by state) isn't because you can't do those things but that on the off chance it turns out badly you're gonna get screwed hard enough that the risk isn't worth taking in the first place. Nobody should have to tell them to wear hearing protection around power tools and not get drunk three nights a week because by the time that those things are an issue (high-school/college) they should be familiar enough with the concept of long term wear and tear to draw their own conclusions about what's appropriate. It's an annoyingly circular definition but good enough guidance removes the need for control.
- ashark 9y ago
  > they should be familiar enough with the concept of long term wear and tear to draw their own conclusions about what's appropriate. From ages ~15-22, I averaged less than 6 hours of sleep a night, ate north of 4000 calories of junk food a day yet had visible ab muscles with minimal exercise, could stay up ~36hrs before I'd have to crash if I needed to, all but the worst cuts, scrapes, and bruises healed completely and disappeared without leaving a mark in 12-48hrs, I simply did not get hangovers ever, could push myself to run a pretty damn fast mile despite not being a runner and not feel it at all the next day, and so on. I don't think I had a very good handle on what long-term wear and tear was like except in a very abstract way.

by phd514 9y ago

dsfyu404ed 9y ago

The stuff with serious consequences shouldn't come up often if at all if you've started guiding far enough in advance. By the time they're in high-school they should know the reason you don't cheat on exams, drive drunk and do weed (varies by state) isn't because you can't do those things but that on the off chance it turns out badly you're gonna get screwed hard enough that the risk isn't worth taking in the first place. Nobody should have to tell them to wear hearing protection around power tools and not get drunk three nights a week because by the time that those things are an issue (high-school/college) they should be familiar enough with the concept of long term wear and tear to draw their own conclusions about what's appropriate. It's an annoyingly circular definition but good enough guidance removes the need for control.

ashark 9y ago
> they should be familiar enough with the concept of long term wear and tear to draw their own conclusions about what's appropriate. From ages ~15-22, I averaged less than 6 hours of sleep a night, ate north of 4000 calories of junk food a day yet had visible ab muscles with minimal exercise, could stay up ~36hrs before I'd have to crash if I needed to, all but the worst cuts, scrapes, and bruises healed completely and disappeared without leaving a mark in 12-48hrs, I simply did not get hangovers ever, could push myself to run a pretty damn fast mile despite not being a runner and not feel it at all the next day, and so on. I don't think I had a very good handle on what long-term wear and tear was like except in a very abstract way.