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If you haven't read the OKCupid's blog post, "Why You Should Never Pay For Online Dating," I highly recommend doing so. If you're contemplating online dating,

If you haven't read the OKCupid's blog post, "Why You Should Never Pay For Online Dating," I highly recommend doing so. If you're contemplating online dating, that is. http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2010/04/07/why-you-should-never-pay-for-online-dating/ http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2010/04/07/why-you-should-... Interesting points: * "you are 12.4 times more likely to get married this year if you don't subscribe to Match.com" * the severe male/female imbalance ("sausage fest") leads to a "desperation feedback loop" where men spam more and more women, with fewer and fewer responses. In my opinion, with the rise in social networking platforms, dating sites are dead or dying - at least for 'mainstream' use. Even OKCupid, I think, will be pointless as people learn to leverage Facebook for dating.

reader5000 16y ago
Facebook is certainly useful in facilitating dating with people you have already met irl, but I dont see it used for generating dates with people you have not already met. Although I am curious if anybody has counter-experience on this :D
- nostrademons 16y ago
  Yeah, the social mores on FaceBook seem to frown upon random contact with lots of strangers. It's good for maintaining relationships, not so good for starting them. I've noticed a bunch of friends either getting married or beginning serious LTRs after meeting online, though. They usually fall into two categories. 1. A set of mutual friends of them say "Hey, you two would be perfect for each other," introduce them, and then the relationship blooms through FaceBook or old-fashioned e-mail. 2. They're both participants at a "niche" online forum or social networking site, and then end up meeting in person eventually and take it from there. I think the latter situation is way, way underreported. We pay attention to the big social sites like FaceBook and Twitter and the big dating sites like eHarmony and Match, but there's an enormous long-tail of niche sites that toss up a website and a forum and build a community. You can find a fansite for virtually every celebrity, every TV show, every sport, many of the more popular books, and even niche professional interests like startups and programming language design. Many of these grow very close, tight-knit communities, and when those communities are of mixed gender, it's very common for some dating to occur. Heck, if HN weren't overwhelming male, I bet we'd see some Hacker News couples. There've already been a bunch of "Founder Dating" sites spun off from it.
  - jules 16y ago
    How is the gender split on HN, roughly?
    - nostrademons 16y ago
      I have no idea, but judging from comments, it seems to be <10% female. That might be an underestimate, though, since many women who post on predominantly male forums often don't reveal their gender.
- swolchok 16y ago
  During the course of my freshman year in college (2005-2006), I received 2 or 3 completely unsolicited date requests from women via Facebook, all of which went well. Despite being single for significant portions of the remainder of my college career, I received none after that year. I've conjectured that people felt safer interacting on Facebook back when it was only open to college students.
- dmd 16y ago
  I married the girl I found on Facebook. We met when I searched Facebook for 'Cryptonomicon', and she was the only result. (This was April 2004, so there were maybe a couple thousand people on all of Facebook.) We moved in together a few weeks later, and got married in 2006.
stcredzero 16y ago
Even OKCupid, I think, will be pointless as people learn to leverage Facebook for dating. The swinger-ish nerdhemian folks I know who like OkCupid seem to use OkCupid as an alternative Facebook. One where they don't have to worry so much about their parents or not-so-close coworkers.
- HeyLaughingBoy 16y ago
  swinger-ish nerdhemian folks That's the most ridiculous phrase I've seen today. It also perfectly describes me 10 years ago :-)
  - stcredzero 16y ago
    Well, what else can I call a bunch of former ISP employee video game player Arduino hacking sex-industry dabbling Discordians who have open relationships and throw costume parties with each other where they have to declare certain rooms PG-13 so there's no full-frontal nudity? They are silly folks but sometimes lots of fun.
- georgieporgie 16y ago
  > The swinger-ish nerdhemian folk I wanted to except some category of people, but I couldn't think of how to name the group without sounding judgmental. I agree with your sentiment.
jules 16y ago
While that post is interesting and some points apply only to paid dating sites, they didn't mention how likely you are getting married though okcupid.
- georgieporgie 16y ago
  Yeah. I thought it was inferred that it basically sucks to be a guy on any dating site. They're actually doing their best to help, though, with photo results, analysis of what makes a 'successful' email, etc. Facebook has the unique, unbeatable advantage of being more evenly (more, outright?) female. Now we just have to get over the 'creepy/weird/scary' nuances of meeting people through non-traditional channels.

reader5000 16y ago

Facebook is certainly useful in facilitating dating with people you have already met irl, but I dont see it used for generating dates with people you have not already met. Although I am curious if anybody has counter-experience on this :D

nostrademons 16y ago
Yeah, the social mores on FaceBook seem to frown upon random contact with lots of strangers. It's good for maintaining relationships, not so good for starting them. I've noticed a bunch of friends either getting married or beginning serious LTRs after meeting online, though. They usually fall into two categories. 1. A set of mutual friends of them say "Hey, you two would be perfect for each other," introduce them, and then the relationship blooms through FaceBook or old-fashioned e-mail. 2. They're both participants at a "niche" online forum or social networking site, and then end up meeting in person eventually and take it from there. I think the latter situation is way, way underreported. We pay attention to the big social sites like FaceBook and Twitter and the big dating sites like eHarmony and Match, but there's an enormous long-tail of niche sites that toss up a website and a forum and build a community. You can find a fansite for virtually every celebrity, every TV show, every sport, many of the more popular books, and even niche professional interests like startups and programming language design. Many of these grow very close, tight-knit communities, and when those communities are of mixed gender, it's very common for some dating to occur. Heck, if HN weren't overwhelming male, I bet we'd see some Hacker News couples. There've already been a bunch of "Founder Dating" sites spun off from it.
- jules 16y ago
  How is the gender split on HN, roughly?
  - nostrademons 16y ago
    I have no idea, but judging from comments, it seems to be <10% female. That might be an underestimate, though, since many women who post on predominantly male forums often don't reveal their gender.
swolchok 16y ago
During the course of my freshman year in college (2005-2006), I received 2 or 3 completely unsolicited date requests from women via Facebook, all of which went well. Despite being single for significant portions of the remainder of my college career, I received none after that year. I've conjectured that people felt safer interacting on Facebook back when it was only open to college students.
dmd 16y ago
I married the girl I found on Facebook. We met when I searched Facebook for 'Cryptonomicon', and she was the only result. (This was April 2004, so there were maybe a couple thousand people on all of Facebook.) We moved in together a few weeks later, and got married in 2006.

stcredzero 16y ago

Even OKCupid, I think, will be pointless as people learn to leverage Facebook for dating. The swinger-ish nerdhemian folks I know who like OkCupid seem to use OkCupid as an alternative Facebook. One where they don't have to worry so much about their parents or not-so-close coworkers.

HeyLaughingBoy 16y ago
swinger-ish nerdhemian folks That's the most ridiculous phrase I've seen today. It also perfectly describes me 10 years ago :-)
- stcredzero 16y ago
  Well, what else can I call a bunch of former ISP employee video game player Arduino hacking sex-industry dabbling Discordians who have open relationships and throw costume parties with each other where they have to declare certain rooms PG-13 so there's no full-frontal nudity? They are silly folks but sometimes lots of fun.
georgieporgie 16y ago
> The swinger-ish nerdhemian folk I wanted to except some category of people, but I couldn't think of how to name the group without sounding judgmental. I agree with your sentiment.

jules 16y ago

While that post is interesting and some points apply only to paid dating sites, they didn't mention how likely you are getting married though okcupid.

georgieporgie 16y ago
Yeah. I thought it was inferred that it basically sucks to be a guy on any dating site. They're actually doing their best to help, though, with photo results, analysis of what makes a 'successful' email, etc. Facebook has the unique, unbeatable advantage of being more evenly (more, outright?) female. Now we just have to get over the 'creepy/weird/scary' nuances of meeting people through non-traditional channels.