4 ms·

Good advice, however I've already done that: people are the same, and I am the same person. Therefore not interested.

by subru 9y ago

madez 9y ago
Yeah, I gave a good advice! People don't say that often. Anyway, I get what you mean. Of course, if you are pretty, people seemingly everywhere will react in certain ways to it. If you are abrasive, likewise, you will get according reactions. That is often not fair, and on top of it, often we misspresent our feelings, and/or are missinterpreted. I don't particularly like the way humans are social. Nevertheless, recognizing the quirks is important, even though one might despise them. It's sounds a bit antisocial-personality-disorderly, but it is not. Do you have an idea where stuff fails and goes downward? I know for myself — as I did experience on my own — that some experiences can change you, and thus change others reaction to you. Why don't you try to go where peoples social behaviour is fundamentally different? It might sound super weird now, but I went to a BDSM community, and it gave me air to breath. I met there some of the most decent and pleasure-to-deal-with people. I'm not recommending that to you, but it might give inspiration. I don't know your surroundings, but I bet that there are places where the social norm is vastly different, and that might help.
- khazhoux 9y ago
  Not trying to be rude here, but more a friendly tip: "Consider a change of scenery / location / lifestyle" is poor advice for depression, especially when suicide is being contemplated. Other commonly-repeated bad advice includes: * Try exercising. * Go hiking -- when you're one with nature, life's troubles with seem insignificant. * Force yourself out of bed and go take on the world! (aka "chin up, buster!") There's just one good and true advice: Please seek help.
  - jshevek 9y ago
    This is a rather absolute statement: "There's just one good and true advice" People are different. Some of the advice which you say is bad, is actually wonderful for some people.
    - khazhoux 9y ago
      Not wonderful against suicidal ideation.
  - root_axis 9y ago
    > There's just one good and true advice: Please seek help. It doesn't sound like good advice if you're depressed, it sounds like an anxiety inducing platitude.
    - khazhoux 9y ago
      I agree.
    - humdingerindeed 9y ago
      Just like everything else in the list of bad advice, it's something that most depressed people have already considered or tried, and either are unable to try it (for financial or other reasons) or tried it and it didn't work. People who have never been through that wringer seem to be under the impression that depressed people just need to get on some medication and go to therapy for a little bit and they'll be fixed. Would be great if true, and it is for some people, but definitely not for all people. Even if there is some unique combination that would work for any individual "hopeless case" (which is doubtful), there are just so many different medications and therapies to try, and most of them need to be tried for a few months before you're allowed to say that no, it really isn't working. And then you are supposed to keep your chin up and move onto the next one, and the next one. It gets very exhausting and demoralizing for someone who is already chronically exhausted and demoralized. It's an especially evil piece of advice when offered to friends and family. Many depressed people lack the physical energy and willpower to put themselves through the psychiatric system, again and again, without any support. If I believed in hell I think there would be a special place in it for people who tell their loved ones to "seek help" when those loved ones are currently, by telling them, trying to seek help. Honestly sometimes it gets to the point that I don't even want to spend time around other people unless they are equally chronically depressed, because you can't have an honest conversation with people who aren't. They either go into pollyanna mode or tough love mode and neither come from a place of actual connection and understanding. I think it's too scary for them to try to understand so they don't really try, and we get a multitude of platitudes that don't do anything except maybe make the giver feel better about themselves for doing a "good deed". If you explain why the platitudes don't help they usually just get mad. I think suicidal people spend more time doing emotional labor for non-suicidal people than the other way around. And then they call us selfish for leaving when we've finally had enough.
  - morgante 9y ago
    I disagree (and have been severely depressed in the past). In many cases, depression is in fact your brain telling you that something is wrong in your life and you need to change it. [0] [0] https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/theory-knowledge/201603/anxiety-and-depression-are-symptoms-not-diseases https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/theory-knowledge/201603...
- deleted 9y ago
  [deleted]
- alt2501 9y ago
  This is great advice I think. We are not necessarily suited to the social norms in play around us. Also, reminds me of fight club

Good advice, however I've already done that: people are the same, and I am the same person. Therefore not interested.

by subru 9y ago

Good advice, however I've already done that: people are the same, and I am the same person. Therefore not interested.

Yeah, I gave a good advice! People don't say that often. Anyway, I get what you mean. Of course, if you are pretty, people seemingly everywhere will react in certain ways to it. If you are abrasive, likewise, you will get according reactions. That is often not fair, and on top of it, often we misspresent our feelings, and/or are missinterpreted. I don't particularly like the way humans are social. Nevertheless, recognizing the quirks is important, even though one might despise them. It's sounds a bit antisocial-personality-disorderly, but it is not. Do you have an idea where stuff fails and goes downward? I know for myself — as I did experience on my own — that some experiences can change you, and thus change others reaction to you. Why don't you try to go where peoples social behaviour is fundamentally different? It might sound super weird now, but I went to a BDSM community, and it gave me air to breath. I met there some of the most decent and pleasure-to-deal-with people. I'm not recommending that to you, but it might give inspiration. I don't know your surroundings, but I bet that there are places where the social norm is vastly different, and that might help.

khazhoux 9y ago
Not trying to be rude here, but more a friendly tip: "Consider a change of scenery / location / lifestyle" is poor advice for depression, especially when suicide is being contemplated. Other commonly-repeated bad advice includes: * Try exercising. * Go hiking -- when you're one with nature, life's troubles with seem insignificant. * Force yourself out of bed and go take on the world! (aka "chin up, buster!") There's just one good and true advice: Please seek help.
- jshevek 9y ago
  This is a rather absolute statement: "There's just one good and true advice" People are different. Some of the advice which you say is bad, is actually wonderful for some people.
  - khazhoux 9y ago
    Not wonderful against suicidal ideation.
- root_axis 9y ago
  > There's just one good and true advice: Please seek help. It doesn't sound like good advice if you're depressed, it sounds like an anxiety inducing platitude.
  - khazhoux 9y ago
    I agree.
  - humdingerindeed 9y ago
    Just like everything else in the list of bad advice, it's something that most depressed people have already considered or tried, and either are unable to try it (for financial or other reasons) or tried it and it didn't work. People who have never been through that wringer seem to be under the impression that depressed people just need to get on some medication and go to therapy for a little bit and they'll be fixed. Would be great if true, and it is for some people, but definitely not for all people. Even if there is some unique combination that would work for any individual "hopeless case" (which is doubtful), there are just so many different medications and therapies to try, and most of them need to be tried for a few months before you're allowed to say that no, it really isn't working. And then you are supposed to keep your chin up and move onto the next one, and the next one. It gets very exhausting and demoralizing for someone who is already chronically exhausted and demoralized. It's an especially evil piece of advice when offered to friends and family. Many depressed people lack the physical energy and willpower to put themselves through the psychiatric system, again and again, without any support. If I believed in hell I think there would be a special place in it for people who tell their loved ones to "seek help" when those loved ones are currently, by telling them, trying to seek help. Honestly sometimes it gets to the point that I don't even want to spend time around other people unless they are equally chronically depressed, because you can't have an honest conversation with people who aren't. They either go into pollyanna mode or tough love mode and neither come from a place of actual connection and understanding. I think it's too scary for them to try to understand so they don't really try, and we get a multitude of platitudes that don't do anything except maybe make the giver feel better about themselves for doing a "good deed". If you explain why the platitudes don't help they usually just get mad. I think suicidal people spend more time doing emotional labor for non-suicidal people than the other way around. And then they call us selfish for leaving when we've finally had enough.
- morgante 9y ago
  I disagree (and have been severely depressed in the past). In many cases, depression is in fact your brain telling you that something is wrong in your life and you need to change it. [0] [0] https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/theory-knowledge/201603/anxiety-and-depression-are-symptoms-not-diseases https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/theory-knowledge/201603...
deleted 9y ago
[deleted]
alt2501 9y ago
This is great advice I think. We are not necessarily suited to the social norms in play around us. Also, reminds me of fight club