Back when I was depressed modal realism cured me of any suicidality. How can one possibly think the suffering, loneliness and utter pointlessness of life can be

Back when I was depressed modal realism cured me of any suicidality. How can one possibly think the suffering, loneliness and utter pointlessness of life can be preferable to the sweet oblivion of non-existence? My answer is non-existence may indeed be preferable to life but it’s not at all clear that non-existence exists. What the Everett interpretation, Egan's Dust theory, the mere fact that the mind is finite and the universe is infinite (and finite patters recur in infinity an infinite amount of times) forces me to consider is the prospect that any attempt to commit suicide, no matter how thorough, could result in a subjective experience of the consequences of a failed suicide attempt in which "I" am unable to escape, even through suicide. The idea that the universe owes you nothing, not even nonexistence, was what killed any suicidality in me. Odd that a depressing thought would work so well when appeals to optimism did not, but makes a sort of sense considering how depressed people think.