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I have considered suicide for the past 30 years. I tried very hard to build a life in the confines of whatever limitations I've been given and/or created for my

by subru 9y ago

I have considered suicide for the past 30 years. I tried very hard to build a life in the confines of whatever limitations I've been given and/or created for myself. I determine that the nature of humanity is to seek power. This study reminds me of why this world is total bullshit. I've notified to be part of this world anymore. I'm connected into this universe more than I ever have been. There is a black hole awaiting me

reaperhulk 9y ago
Please don't commit suicide. You and the world will both be worse off. If you need to talk to someone about it 1-800-273-8255 is available 24 hours a day.
- braveo 9y ago
  why? If I experienced a major life changing event, I'd commit suicide. I refuse to live in pain every day, or lose my independence. It's a completely rational decision, you don't know their life.
  - deleted 9y ago
    [deleted]
- sethjgore 9y ago
  Have you considered the thinking beyond your own blip of life? The death of other, does not signify anything. It is merely death. It is the failure of the conscious mind to see death beyond its facial value. Death. It is freeing.
bitexploder 9y ago
I want to say something meaningful to you, but I am not sure what. I don't disagree about the end. But... Something about being alive. The possibility. It is more than than the end. It is a small candle, but... It is still a light. It might be our nature, but we can still decide. We have that ability.
Moshe_Silnorin 9y ago
Back when I was depressed modal realism cured me of any suicidality. How can one possibly think the suffering, loneliness and utter pointlessness of life can be preferable to the sweet oblivion of non-existence? My answer is non-existence may indeed be preferable to life but it’s not at all clear that non-existence exists. What the Everett interpretation, Egan's Dust theory, the mere fact that the mind is finite and the universe is infinite (and finite patters recur in infinity an infinite amount of times) forces me to consider is the prospect that any attempt to commit suicide, no matter how thorough, could result in a subjective experience of the consequences of a failed suicide attempt in which "I" am unable to escape, even through suicide. The idea that the universe owes you nothing, not even nonexistence, was what killed any suicidality in me. Odd that a depressing thought would work so well when appeals to optimism did not, but makes a sort of sense considering how depressed people think.
- deleted 9y ago
  [deleted]
- deleted 9y ago
  [deleted]
- subru 9y ago
  The points that you bring up are precisely why I wish to self terminate, Yet our old saw the very reason why I am unable to complete the job. What a miserable existence to be stuck between the unending desire to die and the knowledge that death could actually be an infinitely worse fate. They're also the basis for why I rationalize against procreation, at least for myself
- KGIII 9y ago
  I am not sure if this helps, but we don't actually know if the universe is infinite or finite. It is an unknown.
  - spyhi 9y ago
    Well, now you've gone and killed him.
  - 9y ago
npmanor 9y ago
I would argue that the nature of humanity is to conquer rather than seek power. They often go hand in hand, but not necessarily. Some strive to conquer each other, while some strive to conquer their differences, and some yet strive to conquer themselves (or their personal demons at the very least). The choice of what you conquer is yours. The world may not care, but the world also cannot choose.
- ikeyany 9y ago
  > I would argue that the nature of humanity is to conquer Followed by fighting, famine, and death?
wturner 9y ago
I've mentioned this in a few comments, but Kratom is a substance that has given me a taste of what it's like to turn-off all the clutter in my head and see the world the way people without anxiety see it. It can be dangerous to do too much but it has given me a glimmer as to how "normal" people see things - and something to strive toward through meditation or exercise. You will never be able to turn off the anxious or depressed parts of your neurology and to be honest they really do dumb you/us (people like me) down but trying the substance has given me the contrast to realize life doesn't have to feel that way. The truth is there is no known "nature to humanity", you are simply assigning one. We live and then die. I have thought a lot about what "power" even "is" and when you break it down it's really just the ability to do something unique that others are willing to confer their attention or some other currency to and much of it is based on deeply ingrained assumptions, some of these assumptions are fluctuating and some are constant. If you are worried that humans just want to control everything and will eventually destroy the world you are probably right - but even if we didn't, the earth still won't last forever. One of the ways to deal with anxiety and depression is just to learn to let it go and be fascinated by the moment.
- symlinkk 9y ago
  > just use unregulated and untested drugs! that will fix your problems and totally won't put you in deeper shit! I'm so sick of seeing this "advice" everywhere on the internet. I've seen it on Twitter, on Reddit, and now here. Don't recommend drugs to people if you're not a doctor.
  - wturner 9y ago
    Okay, I don't recommend them. I'll rephrase the post to say what I've done to help me. Does that make you happy?
    - sillysaurus3 9y ago
      No, not really. The recommendation moves from explicit to implicit. It's good that the drugs helped you, but it's not the same thing as saying "I went to a doctor and they put me on X and it helped." When you're talking about doing drugs outside of that paradigm, we don't know how many people have been hurt rather than helped. If 9 out of 10 people are harmed, you were just the lucky one.
cylinder 9y ago
You mean humanity, not the world (earth). You could always walk away into the wilderness and just live amongst animals.
cypher303 9y ago
Know that somewhere, probably close by, another person is struggling with you. The end waits patiently for us all my friend. Keep trudging.
colordrops 9y ago
Why not just leave your job, walk out of your home, leave everything behind and travel to somewhere far away where interesting people reside? There is so much left to try before suicide. It's like blowing up your car because you ran out of gas.
- taway_1212 9y ago
  > travel to somewhere far away where interesting people reside? Why would people far away be more interesting than people around you?
  - RikNieu 9y ago
    Perhaps their grass is greener.
  - colordrops 9y ago
    Surely the universe is not homogenous. You will encounter different types of people living at a Shaolin monastery vs working as a stock person at the supermarket.
- subru 9y ago
  What job or home? I'm in tune with the universe, I knew three days ago to get out of where I was at 7:59am. I was given this message. Sure enough the yellow truck showed up at 7:59am. I just want to die now. I don't like the nature of reality, humanity, and how I fit into it all.
sethjgore 9y ago
Yes, black holes. Life is essentially struggling, scrolling, stuffing. Suicide is the default option. Surprisingly none of us are dead yet. It's not easy to be alive. We continue to give a lot.
- sethjgore 9y ago
  There is a constant pressure on the living. LIVE MORE! There is no further reason given. LIVE MORE! Why? LIVE MORE!
jjtheblunt 9y ago
Maybe think about what good you can do for those far less fortunate than you, such as animals in shelters for a positive example. Any positivity you can create in that world has a ripple effect of positivity to the lives they touch. Benevolence to the weak might feel so rewarding to feel like meaning. (That worked for me, when I was annoyed by humanity.)
sethjgore 9y ago
In many ways I understand you. I am sorry for us both that we both must understand life this way.
phamjamstudio 9y ago
As a Christian dude, I try to "...love your neighbor as you'd love yourself" far more than attaining popularity/power/etc; varying degrees of grief, but also much joy have resulted from this struggle. Totally understand that many think religions, in general, are BS/fake/etc. Have you considered reaching out to counseling services or a local support group (can be friends/family) to work thru stuff? My bible study group meets weekly to study/discuss/act on some of the more obvious positive stuff from the Bible. We also support each other thru life in general. I think having a positive group that regularly meets to support each other is super conducive to life improvement as well as helping you thru darker times. Hope things get better for you
- deleted 9y ago
  [deleted]
RealityNow 9y ago
Suicide for any able-bodied person privileged enough to be born under good circumstances in the first world is so incredibly selfish. There are so many causes worth fighting for, like bringing a basic income, fixing our medical system, etc. If you're going to kill yourself, at least do it for a cause so that it can help the world and isn't completely in vain. Maybe go to Washington and do a hunger strike in front of the capital. That being said, do not commit suicide. Happiness is a choice, and you should chose it.
- kuroguro 9y ago
  This I'll never understand. You're blaming others for being selfish yet ask that they participate furthering causes you believe in. You're asking others to do your work for you! Nay I say! Free will - or the ability to be as useless as one wants - is one of the very few beautiful things in this world and a basic human right. I shall not bow to your wicked ways! I shall continue to be completely useless until the last of my breaths! I will self-terminate when and how I please!
  - seanp2k2 9y ago
    And yet ironically suicide is also illegal, and many states don't even have half-way decent right-to-die laws for those with terminal illness. http://www.everything-game.com http://www.everything-game.com personally helped me see more value in life. It actually got me thinking that maybe having children wasn't the worst idea in the world. Edit: for me personally, I get a lot out of helping people. I try to help people get better jobs and move out to Silicon Valley. I've done this for about half a dozen friends now, and all of them have had a great experience with it. I don't get any financial benefit from it; it's just great to see my friends doing "better" in life and to see them happier / more fulfilled. Same with my exes; I never truly understood why people can be so cruel to people they once loved. I'm happy for any way I've helped people I have loved and I have no desire to try to take anything away from them, even if some of them did shitty things to me. I can only hope that they got something out of it / learned from the bad parts. So yeah, there's a suggestion for anyone reading this: if you want to try to feel better about being alive, help one of your friends get a better job. Teach them what you know or just help them get their foot in the door if you're in a position to do so.
ptr_void 9y ago
If you were not trying to be poetic, religious or weren't under any influence, I thought I'd let you know that what you wrote sounds like meaningless word salad to me. It could be wise to consider seeking professional help to ensure everything is alright. And as for concluding thoughts about world and human nature, I could suggest studying academic philosophy of those topic if you have extra time - to explore the enormous complexities that lies underneath those notions. (note: Writing this comment at 4'o clock in the morning)
- subru 9y ago
  That I am able only to produce "meaningless word salad" as you put it is yet another reminder of why I am out of here. Everything is fine. The world will go on without me. The only thing wrong is that I'm still alive. You want me to study philosophy? My issues with the primal nature of humanity is merely the surface issue. I decided long ago as a child that such behaviors are enough reason to never procreate and planted the strong seed of incessant suicidality. Ive already spent a lifetime exploring complexity. Enough already.
- subru 9y ago
  You make a loose assessment about my ability to construct cohesive paragraphs, and suggest I should seek help to see if there's something wrong with me that might be causing such jibberish to emanate from my broken brain. If you're right, it's death that I seek, not help.
BJanecke 9y ago
I'd suggest you pay a visit to your nearest ER and have the staff there give you some advice. Melancholic depression, fairly often is a symptom of other known health problems, that we as humans have ways of alleviating. I'm sure you've spent time and effort towards trying to solve what you are wrestling with now, but if you would like to give it one more chance the best possible thing you could do is pay your nearest ER a visit.
- subru 9y ago
  Thanks for advice. This is long term. I don't need nor want er. I want to die. This is a lifetime desire. I decided as a child this world was shit. I've since seen more and more reasons to never procreate, and my desire to die has been consistent. I've seen enough of this world. Thank you again. You're doing your part. Some people just want out, however.
  - BJanecke 9y ago
    I respect that, and accept that you have the right to your own life. You and your life have had great meaning to me and I will forever be thankful for that.
    - subru 9y ago
      May I ask how my life has offered great meaning to you?
      - BJanecke 9y ago
        I have always held the belief that everyone is entitled to their own life and can do with it as they please. This exchange reinforces that.
  - davidjsevans 9y ago
    I'd recommend watching this playlist: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I8Xc2_FtpHI&list=PL22J3VaeABQAT-0aSPq-OKOpQlHyR4k5h https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I8Xc2_FtpHI&list=PL22J3VaeAB... All the best on your journey.
peab 9y ago
Have you read any Tibetan philosophy? They have thought (and continue to think) about death a lot, and in fact they celebrate it! However this doesn't mean they encourage suicide... If you're interested, you should be able to find some books about it.

by subru 9y ago

reaperhulk 9y ago

Please don't commit suicide. You and the world will both be worse off. If you need to talk to someone about it 1-800-273-8255 is available 24 hours a day.

braveo 9y ago
why? If I experienced a major life changing event, I'd commit suicide. I refuse to live in pain every day, or lose my independence. It's a completely rational decision, you don't know their life.
- deleted 9y ago
  [deleted]
sethjgore 9y ago
Have you considered the thinking beyond your own blip of life? The death of other, does not signify anything. It is merely death. It is the failure of the conscious mind to see death beyond its facial value. Death. It is freeing.

bitexploder 9y ago

I want to say something meaningful to you, but I am not sure what. I don't disagree about the end. But... Something about being alive. The possibility. It is more than than the end. It is a small candle, but... It is still a light. It might be our nature, but we can still decide. We have that ability.

Moshe_Silnorin 9y ago

Back when I was depressed modal realism cured me of any suicidality. How can one possibly think the suffering, loneliness and utter pointlessness of life can be preferable to the sweet oblivion of non-existence? My answer is non-existence may indeed be preferable to life but it’s not at all clear that non-existence exists. What the Everett interpretation, Egan's Dust theory, the mere fact that the mind is finite and the universe is infinite (and finite patters recur in infinity an infinite amount of times) forces me to consider is the prospect that any attempt to commit suicide, no matter how thorough, could result in a subjective experience of the consequences of a failed suicide attempt in which "I" am unable to escape, even through suicide. The idea that the universe owes you nothing, not even nonexistence, was what killed any suicidality in me. Odd that a depressing thought would work so well when appeals to optimism did not, but makes a sort of sense considering how depressed people think.

deleted 9y ago
[deleted]
deleted 9y ago
[deleted]
subru 9y ago
The points that you bring up are precisely why I wish to self terminate, Yet our old saw the very reason why I am unable to complete the job. What a miserable existence to be stuck between the unending desire to die and the knowledge that death could actually be an infinitely worse fate. They're also the basis for why I rationalize against procreation, at least for myself
KGIII 9y ago
I am not sure if this helps, but we don't actually know if the universe is infinite or finite. It is an unknown.
- spyhi 9y ago
  Well, now you've gone and killed him.
- 9y ago

npmanor 9y ago

I would argue that the nature of humanity is to conquer rather than seek power. They often go hand in hand, but not necessarily. Some strive to conquer each other, while some strive to conquer their differences, and some yet strive to conquer themselves (or their personal demons at the very least). The choice of what you conquer is yours. The world may not care, but the world also cannot choose.

ikeyany 9y ago
> I would argue that the nature of humanity is to conquer Followed by fighting, famine, and death?

wturner 9y ago

I've mentioned this in a few comments, but Kratom is a substance that has given me a taste of what it's like to turn-off all the clutter in my head and see the world the way people without anxiety see it. It can be dangerous to do too much but it has given me a glimmer as to how "normal" people see things - and something to strive toward through meditation or exercise. You will never be able to turn off the anxious or depressed parts of your neurology and to be honest they really do dumb you/us (people like me) down but trying the substance has given me the contrast to realize life doesn't have to feel that way. The truth is there is no known "nature to humanity", you are simply assigning one. We live and then die. I have thought a lot about what "power" even "is" and when you break it down it's really just the ability to do something unique that others are willing to confer their attention or some other currency to and much of it is based on deeply ingrained assumptions, some of these assumptions are fluctuating and some are constant. If you are worried that humans just want to control everything and will eventually destroy the world you are probably right - but even if we didn't, the earth still won't last forever. One of the ways to deal with anxiety and depression is just to learn to let it go and be fascinated by the moment.

symlinkk 9y ago
> just use unregulated and untested drugs! that will fix your problems and totally won't put you in deeper shit! I'm so sick of seeing this "advice" everywhere on the internet. I've seen it on Twitter, on Reddit, and now here. Don't recommend drugs to people if you're not a doctor.
- wturner 9y ago
  Okay, I don't recommend them. I'll rephrase the post to say what I've done to help me. Does that make you happy?
  - sillysaurus3 9y ago
    No, not really. The recommendation moves from explicit to implicit. It's good that the drugs helped you, but it's not the same thing as saying "I went to a doctor and they put me on X and it helped." When you're talking about doing drugs outside of that paradigm, we don't know how many people have been hurt rather than helped. If 9 out of 10 people are harmed, you were just the lucky one.

cylinder 9y ago

You mean humanity, not the world (earth). You could always walk away into the wilderness and just live amongst animals.

cypher303 9y ago

Know that somewhere, probably close by, another person is struggling with you. The end waits patiently for us all my friend. Keep trudging.

colordrops 9y ago

Why not just leave your job, walk out of your home, leave everything behind and travel to somewhere far away where interesting people reside? There is so much left to try before suicide. It's like blowing up your car because you ran out of gas.

taway_1212 9y ago
> travel to somewhere far away where interesting people reside? Why would people far away be more interesting than people around you?
- RikNieu 9y ago
  Perhaps their grass is greener.
- colordrops 9y ago
  Surely the universe is not homogenous. You will encounter different types of people living at a Shaolin monastery vs working as a stock person at the supermarket.
subru 9y ago
What job or home? I'm in tune with the universe, I knew three days ago to get out of where I was at 7:59am. I was given this message. Sure enough the yellow truck showed up at 7:59am. I just want to die now. I don't like the nature of reality, humanity, and how I fit into it all.

sethjgore 9y ago

Yes, black holes. Life is essentially struggling, scrolling, stuffing. Suicide is the default option. Surprisingly none of us are dead yet. It's not easy to be alive. We continue to give a lot.

sethjgore 9y ago
There is a constant pressure on the living. LIVE MORE! There is no further reason given. LIVE MORE! Why? LIVE MORE!

jjtheblunt 9y ago

Maybe think about what good you can do for those far less fortunate than you, such as animals in shelters for a positive example. Any positivity you can create in that world has a ripple effect of positivity to the lives they touch. Benevolence to the weak might feel so rewarding to feel like meaning. (That worked for me, when I was annoyed by humanity.)

sethjgore 9y ago

In many ways I understand you. I am sorry for us both that we both must understand life this way.

phamjamstudio 9y ago

As a Christian dude, I try to "...love your neighbor as you'd love yourself" far more than attaining popularity/power/etc; varying degrees of grief, but also much joy have resulted from this struggle. Totally understand that many think religions, in general, are BS/fake/etc. Have you considered reaching out to counseling services or a local support group (can be friends/family) to work thru stuff? My bible study group meets weekly to study/discuss/act on some of the more obvious positive stuff from the Bible. We also support each other thru life in general. I think having a positive group that regularly meets to support each other is super conducive to life improvement as well as helping you thru darker times. Hope things get better for you

deleted 9y ago
[deleted]

RealityNow 9y ago

Suicide for any able-bodied person privileged enough to be born under good circumstances in the first world is so incredibly selfish. There are so many causes worth fighting for, like bringing a basic income, fixing our medical system, etc. If you're going to kill yourself, at least do it for a cause so that it can help the world and isn't completely in vain. Maybe go to Washington and do a hunger strike in front of the capital. That being said, do not commit suicide. Happiness is a choice, and you should chose it.

kuroguro 9y ago
This I'll never understand. You're blaming others for being selfish yet ask that they participate furthering causes you believe in. You're asking others to do your work for you! Nay I say! Free will - or the ability to be as useless as one wants - is one of the very few beautiful things in this world and a basic human right. I shall not bow to your wicked ways! I shall continue to be completely useless until the last of my breaths! I will self-terminate when and how I please!
- seanp2k2 9y ago
  And yet ironically suicide is also illegal, and many states don't even have half-way decent right-to-die laws for those with terminal illness. http://www.everything-game.com http://www.everything-game.com personally helped me see more value in life. It actually got me thinking that maybe having children wasn't the worst idea in the world. Edit: for me personally, I get a lot out of helping people. I try to help people get better jobs and move out to Silicon Valley. I've done this for about half a dozen friends now, and all of them have had a great experience with it. I don't get any financial benefit from it; it's just great to see my friends doing "better" in life and to see them happier / more fulfilled. Same with my exes; I never truly understood why people can be so cruel to people they once loved. I'm happy for any way I've helped people I have loved and I have no desire to try to take anything away from them, even if some of them did shitty things to me. I can only hope that they got something out of it / learned from the bad parts. So yeah, there's a suggestion for anyone reading this: if you want to try to feel better about being alive, help one of your friends get a better job. Teach them what you know or just help them get their foot in the door if you're in a position to do so.

ptr_void 9y ago

If you were not trying to be poetic, religious or weren't under any influence, I thought I'd let you know that what you wrote sounds like meaningless word salad to me. It could be wise to consider seeking professional help to ensure everything is alright. And as for concluding thoughts about world and human nature, I could suggest studying academic philosophy of those topic if you have extra time - to explore the enormous complexities that lies underneath those notions. (note: Writing this comment at 4'o clock in the morning)

subru 9y ago
That I am able only to produce "meaningless word salad" as you put it is yet another reminder of why I am out of here. Everything is fine. The world will go on without me. The only thing wrong is that I'm still alive. You want me to study philosophy? My issues with the primal nature of humanity is merely the surface issue. I decided long ago as a child that such behaviors are enough reason to never procreate and planted the strong seed of incessant suicidality. Ive already spent a lifetime exploring complexity. Enough already.
subru 9y ago
You make a loose assessment about my ability to construct cohesive paragraphs, and suggest I should seek help to see if there's something wrong with me that might be causing such jibberish to emanate from my broken brain. If you're right, it's death that I seek, not help.

BJanecke 9y ago

I'd suggest you pay a visit to your nearest ER and have the staff there give you some advice. Melancholic depression, fairly often is a symptom of other known health problems, that we as humans have ways of alleviating. I'm sure you've spent time and effort towards trying to solve what you are wrestling with now, but if you would like to give it one more chance the best possible thing you could do is pay your nearest ER a visit.

subru 9y ago
Thanks for advice. This is long term. I don't need nor want er. I want to die. This is a lifetime desire. I decided as a child this world was shit. I've since seen more and more reasons to never procreate, and my desire to die has been consistent. I've seen enough of this world. Thank you again. You're doing your part. Some people just want out, however.
- BJanecke 9y ago
  I respect that, and accept that you have the right to your own life. You and your life have had great meaning to me and I will forever be thankful for that.
  - subru 9y ago
    May I ask how my life has offered great meaning to you?
    - BJanecke 9y ago
      I have always held the belief that everyone is entitled to their own life and can do with it as they please. This exchange reinforces that.
- davidjsevans 9y ago
  I'd recommend watching this playlist: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I8Xc2_FtpHI&list=PL22J3VaeABQAT-0aSPq-OKOpQlHyR4k5h https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I8Xc2_FtpHI&list=PL22J3VaeAB... All the best on your journey.

peab 9y ago

Have you read any Tibetan philosophy? They have thought (and continue to think) about death a lot, and in fact they celebrate it! However this doesn't mean they encourage suicide... If you're interested, you should be able to find some books about it.