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This is an interesting story but as others have commented, one without a clear point. that's not to say that we can't draw something from it. We can. Or at leas

by cletus 9y ago

This is an interesting story but as others have commented, one without a clear point. that's not to say that we can't draw something from it. We can. Or at least I can. Very tangentially I'm reminded of a book called White Teeth (by Zadie Smith) that I found compelling (I was living in England at the time). Some others have commented that the author feels like things like children are an imposition. Superficially, I see why, but I think that misses the point. She hints at this in other parts. How she comes across to me is I think what must be typical of many first generation immigrants (those first to be born in the country or who emigrated there in childhood). You see stories like this where a family comes to the US from Russia where someone who was a doctor now works as a janitor to give his or her children a better life. I think it must be common to get knocked down several rungs on the social ladder when making this kind of move. But it's a sacrifice many parents make for the sake of their children. Having gone to Princeton and Harvard (as the author and her brother did), they became fairly high achievers, which is to be applauded but is also I think the exception. It must be a huge part of their psyche to remember where you came from, coming to the US with nothing, living as a refugee on virtually nothing and so on. One affect that has on someone, and I think you have to have experienced poverty to some degree to truly appreciate this, is the inescapable fear that all that you've worked for in life might go away, be taken away. Those who aren't first generation immigrants or came from money I think just don't appreciate this lack of security as it's not something they're typically exposed to or have any experience with. I'm not even sure the author realizes it even though it's what I took from the piece. Perhaps the book will explore this (the book is mentioned at the bottom). Perhaps it's an editing snafu with the excerpt.

Swizec 9y ago
Oh man this comment is perfect. I often get into arguments with my girlfriend because she says I think about money too much and that money isn't everything. That you should focus on living life and having fun. Money is everything. Without money you can't do any of that living life stuff. But only someone who's experienced not having any can understand that.
- mars4rp 9y ago
  Thank you for this comment, you shed some light on my relationship!
- lemmings19 9y ago
  Certainly if you live in a city, money is everything. Without it, you are homeless and wondering where you'll sleep next or what you'll eat. Where to shower, how you'll find work, get your hair cut, and so on. All of these things require money to obtain, more or less. The countryside might be a different story, if you're willing to work wherever you can find it. Room and board on a farm perhaps; that costs nothing if you are willing to work. Tent in a forest; this costs nothing, as anyone can scrape together a tent and sleeping bag. Cities have no room for these things. A bare minimum amount of money can be everything. Once you can feed and house yourself, why not focus on life and making the best of it? I think money is everything _until_ you can sustain the bare minimum. After that... if you still think money is everything, you have lost sight of the rest of your life. That or you have kids.
  - kinkrtyavimoodh 9y ago
    But how many of the people who say money isn't everything do so from their self-made hut in a farm living off of food they have grown / killed themselves etc.? I don't mean to make an ad hominem, but I think it's fair to say that lofty pronouncements such as how much money does or does not matter from people who have basically never actually had to experience extreme poverty sound a little hollow.
  - Swizec 9y ago
    > After that... if you still think money is everything, you have lost sight of the rest of your life. I think a large part of it is that I've spent the first 25 or so years of my life living hand to mouth. As such I'm probably never going to get used to the idea that you can ever have "enough" money. What if something happens? Is your stash really big enough to tie you over? What if it isn't? What if ... basically I think that once you're in a money-tight situation for a prolonged period, especially if it was when you were growing up, that leaves a mark that's never going to go away. As the anecdote attributed to different rich people says: "Yep, my son tips more than I do. He's the son of a millionaire, I'm the son of a <insert poor-ish profession>" Maybe I hit a double whammy as well. My girlfriend's parents emigrated to the US from a relatively well-off French background. It's not all roses of course, but to my understanding they were never broke broke. Her grandma, for instance, has an estate that's been in the family for 300 years. I emigrated to the US from a single-parent background in a postsocialist country. My maternal grandparents went bankrupt when my mum was 15 or so, my dad's grandparents died by the time he was 5. Great grandparents' assets were mostly wiped out during WW2 (partially effect of war, partially socialist redistribution of wealth). So really I have about 4 generations worth of baggage about "Fuck we're broke!". There's no way that doesn't have an effect on how I think.

by cletus 9y ago

Swizec 9y ago

Oh man this comment is perfect. I often get into arguments with my girlfriend because she says I think about money too much and that money isn't everything. That you should focus on living life and having fun. Money is everything. Without money you can't do any of that living life stuff. But only someone who's experienced not having any can understand that.

mars4rp 9y ago
Thank you for this comment, you shed some light on my relationship!
lemmings19 9y ago
Certainly if you live in a city, money is everything. Without it, you are homeless and wondering where you'll sleep next or what you'll eat. Where to shower, how you'll find work, get your hair cut, and so on. All of these things require money to obtain, more or less. The countryside might be a different story, if you're willing to work wherever you can find it. Room and board on a farm perhaps; that costs nothing if you are willing to work. Tent in a forest; this costs nothing, as anyone can scrape together a tent and sleeping bag. Cities have no room for these things. A bare minimum amount of money can be everything. Once you can feed and house yourself, why not focus on life and making the best of it? I think money is everything _until_ you can sustain the bare minimum. After that... if you still think money is everything, you have lost sight of the rest of your life. That or you have kids.
- kinkrtyavimoodh 9y ago
  But how many of the people who say money isn't everything do so from their self-made hut in a farm living off of food they have grown / killed themselves etc.? I don't mean to make an ad hominem, but I think it's fair to say that lofty pronouncements such as how much money does or does not matter from people who have basically never actually had to experience extreme poverty sound a little hollow.
- Swizec 9y ago
  > After that... if you still think money is everything, you have lost sight of the rest of your life. I think a large part of it is that I've spent the first 25 or so years of my life living hand to mouth. As such I'm probably never going to get used to the idea that you can ever have "enough" money. What if something happens? Is your stash really big enough to tie you over? What if it isn't? What if ... basically I think that once you're in a money-tight situation for a prolonged period, especially if it was when you were growing up, that leaves a mark that's never going to go away. As the anecdote attributed to different rich people says: "Yep, my son tips more than I do. He's the son of a millionaire, I'm the son of a <insert poor-ish profession>" Maybe I hit a double whammy as well. My girlfriend's parents emigrated to the US from a relatively well-off French background. It's not all roses of course, but to my understanding they were never broke broke. Her grandma, for instance, has an estate that's been in the family for 300 years. I emigrated to the US from a single-parent background in a postsocialist country. My maternal grandparents went bankrupt when my mum was 15 or so, my dad's grandparents died by the time he was 5. Great grandparents' assets were mostly wiped out during WW2 (partially effect of war, partially socialist redistribution of wealth). So really I have about 4 generations worth of baggage about "Fuck we're broke!". There's no way that doesn't have an effect on how I think.