I could, but doing so would likely involve teaching you a good chunk of crypto 101 while you try to tell me I'm actually wrong so you can be right, which would

I could, but doing so would likely involve teaching you a good chunk of crypto 101 while you try to tell me I'm actually wrong so you can be right, which would be enjoyable for neither of us. It would be more efficient for you to just take a introductory course on cryptography from someone more qualified than me. I'm not trying to be rude here, it's just clear that you've learned about password hashing and then assumed based on that one exceptional case that slowness is how all of crypto works. It's not, and you shouldn't make claims about all of crypto if the only thing you know about crypto is that password hashing works by being slow.