6 ms·

Well, my latest startup failure left me with around $50k personal debt, some legal pursuits, expired residence visa in the country I lived in, and a 3 months ol

Well, my latest startup failure left me with around $50k personal debt, some legal pursuits, expired residence visa in the country I lived in, and a 3 months old baby daughter to care and provide for. And right, no job and no upcoming interviews. I am sorry for a probably uninvited comparison — I am not implying that my situation is harder, and I know that burnout is a serious shit. It takes months to recover. Some things to consider: 1) Even if you feel like a failure, you are not. You are a success. Our feelings are not a reliable indicator of personal value, especially after burning out. 2) Try to do something where you can feel small improvements every few days, with enough runway before productivity plateau. Running, meditation, skateboarding, playing guitar, rock climbing — whatever looks the most interesting to you, and looks easy enough (it's important). Regularly feeling improvements in any activity is the best therapy I know.

dragonwriter 9y ago
> Well, my latest startup failure left me with around $50k personal debt, some legal pursuits, expired residence visa in the country I lived in, and a 3 months old baby daughter to care and provide for. I'm having trouble imagining a scenario where the last item is really a proximate consequence of the startup failure (rather than a bit of context that makes the problems that are such consequences more acute.)
- jacquesm 9y ago
  > I'm having trouble imagining a scenario where the last item is really a proximate consequence of the startup failure That's pretty easy for me. Let me try to give an example: start-ups are really hard on relationships, starts-ups that are failing and that you are trying to save doubly so. There is a small chance that that led to relationship issues which in turn led to OP now is a single parent. There are lots of other explanations besides.
  - dragonwriter 9y ago
    I didn't read in an implicit “on my own” like you seem to have, but I agree that that is a plausible reading, and a fair description of a causal scenario given that reading.
  - gutnor 9y ago
    English is not my first language - does OP really imply he is a single parent simply stating "and a 3 months old baby daughter to care and provide for." I would say the same even though I'm happily living with my wife. Nursery cost and rent alone would cause financial difficulty. You can save on nursery but a 3 months old is a full time job if you don't have family around (which an immigrant like me and op is unlikely to have)
    - jacquesm 9y ago
      No, it does not imply that, but it leaves that possibility open.
      - atemerev 9y ago
        I wasn't a single parent; just the only source of household income. My wife later did extraordinary things to save the situation.
- liveoneggs 9y ago
  probably for the same reason there were so many summer 2009 babies in apartment buildings full of wall st types. :)
  - dragonwriter 9y ago
    Despite the smiley, there's a not-implausible explanation implied by that.
- atemerev 9y ago
  This was around 3 years ago. Things are much better now. Some context: not all startups are financed with external investments; some happen to run from founders' personal savings and debt. I consider myself, as an ex-CEO, to be fully responsible for the failure, but it doesn't make myself a failure. I lived and learned through the experience.
donw 9y ago
(2) is very important advice. Don't worry about the big picture. Every day, find yourself some wins and celebrate them. Maybe it's something as small as brushing your teeth. Dental hygene rocks -- go you! Or leaving the house and going to Starbucks, even if only to browse Reddit. Hey, getting out that door can be a big challenge. Maybe it's going for a run or a hike. You totally owned that half-mile. Whatever it is, write it down in a list, and look at yesterday's list every morning. Every accomplishment, no matter how small, is a step forward. Celebrate the fact that you made that step, and didn't give up. One more thing: I don't know where you, the OOP, are, mentally. So while burnout is serious shit, depression is even more serious shit. And we don't talk about it enough in the tech community. Whenever I move to a new country, I immediately identify a local English-speaking hospital and dental practice. Because if I ever need them, I will need them on a very tight timeframe. So, I would invest a little time and find a quality psychiatrist. Somebody that you feel comfortable talking to, and that gives you good advice. Do what you would do with any professional service, and shop around until you find one you really like. That way, if you ever really do hit rock bottom, you know where you can go, and don't need to start searching when you're in no shape to do so.
- davidmr 9y ago
  Thank you. Even if things are a little different for every person as they naturally are, this is good advice and I genuinely appreciate the positive attitude. As someone who has struggled with depression quite a bit, I generally have a knee-jerk reaction to "just be positive" advice, but this really sits a nice middle ground between "be positive" and "find a way to be as positive as you can".
  - donw 9y ago
    "Just be positive" is horrible advice, even for non-depressed people. Sometimes your world really has gone to shit. There is no shame in admitting that. Despair isn't limited only to people that have mental problems. So you treat it like any other survival situation: take stock of your resources, focus only on your next action (and on nothing else), celebrate every win that you get, and realize that failure is going to be part of the process, too. You're going to need every ounce of motivation and positivity that you can muster, and those ounces don't come free. So earn them, no matter how small, and bank those victories for the next day. Slogging through a long and grueling hike isn't about focusing on the summit of the mountain. It's about taking one step. And then you repeat. Sure, it might not be fast, and it might be hard as hell, but if you just don't quit, you will make it through.
biastoact 9y ago
"Our feelings are not a reliable indicator of personal value, especially after burning out." This is awesome advice for any situation brilliantly sumerized. Thank you!
wsinks 9y ago
Are you still at the 50k personal debt, legal pursuits, etc? As someone about to start the dreams - I'm curious.
- atemerev 9y ago
  The debt is less now, and I now have the means and the plan to repay the rest. All in all, everything is good.
onion2k 9y ago
Even if you feel like a failure, you are not. "Remember that failure is an event, not a person." Zig Ziglar
jondubois 9y ago
Your situation sounds much worse. There is no need to apologize for making a useful comparison which brings perspective to the discussion. No offense but most of the sob stories that make HN front page sound like whining from a spoiled brat. Your case sounds like proper bad/tough. I guess at least you've gained some skills from all this.
throwaway-273 9y ago
Ha, throwaway here, too - I wanted to post that kind of question as well in the last weeks, but I am starting to figure how to get back on the track. My background: 39, failed a couple of companies - the last one was the only true high profile project (in biotechnology). As a bonus, my co-founder tried to make me sign some IP related documents once we were going under, proving that the person I was living with the last two years of my life was a complete human disappointment. I am a scientist, multilingual, deep expertise in chemistry, skills in biotech, IT, and the whole startup salad. CV wise in Europe, I am totally out of the norm, have no life partner, and had to struggle to get back to life. No savings left, so I actually moved in to the cellar of my parents place. Additional bonus: All the stress of the last years start to pay off and gave me some bad health surprises, and I had to face a 2-3 month long depression. Fortunately, I got our of it, and I am not facing the same thing? Where do I fit in? What should I do with my beautiful, finite life? Work in a company? Get a wife? Get kids? Save up money to start my next project? Take a break, think about what you want in life, re-evaluate your situation, and move on. C'est la vie. If anyone wants to get in touch - here is my email: mfv@freeshell.de :^)
mezod 9y ago
2) is very important. I was in a rather similar situation as OP and thought "I have to do things to keep my mind distracted", so I started trying to do several things every day. After a while I wanted/needed to have a way to track my own habits and I came up with https://everydaycheck.com https://everydaycheck.com . Really, doing a little bit every day helps in not feeling like an imposter!
spraak 9y ago
Wow, thank you for the perspective. I've been feeling similar, but on the spectrum my situation is not so bad. Do you have a blog or contact? I'd be glad to get to know you.
mikeriley47 9y ago
.,.,.,.I was in debt about 2 years ago for $200k and damn near homeless until I started learning how to do Forex and binary options trading. I now earn a average of $7000 a day and I never looked back. This is what I did to get started and it works http://rurl.us/ctike http://rurl.us/ctike
john64121 9y ago
І wаs іn dеbt аbоut 2 уеаrs аgо fоr $200k аnd dаmn nеаr hоmеlеss untіl І stаrtеd lеаrnіng hоw tо dо Fоrех аnd bіnаrу орtіоns trаdіng. І nоw еаrn а аvеrаgе оf $7000 а dау аnd І nеvеr lооkеd bасk. Тhіs іs whаt І dіd tо gеt stаrtеd аnd іt wоrks http://rurl.us/b56k998i http://rurl.us/b56k998i

dragonwriter 9y ago

> Well, my latest startup failure left me with around $50k personal debt, some legal pursuits, expired residence visa in the country I lived in, and a 3 months old baby daughter to care and provide for. I'm having trouble imagining a scenario where the last item is really a proximate consequence of the startup failure (rather than a bit of context that makes the problems that are such consequences more acute.)

jacquesm 9y ago
> I'm having trouble imagining a scenario where the last item is really a proximate consequence of the startup failure That's pretty easy for me. Let me try to give an example: start-ups are really hard on relationships, starts-ups that are failing and that you are trying to save doubly so. There is a small chance that that led to relationship issues which in turn led to OP now is a single parent. There are lots of other explanations besides.
- dragonwriter 9y ago
  I didn't read in an implicit “on my own” like you seem to have, but I agree that that is a plausible reading, and a fair description of a causal scenario given that reading.
- gutnor 9y ago
  English is not my first language - does OP really imply he is a single parent simply stating "and a 3 months old baby daughter to care and provide for." I would say the same even though I'm happily living with my wife. Nursery cost and rent alone would cause financial difficulty. You can save on nursery but a 3 months old is a full time job if you don't have family around (which an immigrant like me and op is unlikely to have)
  - jacquesm 9y ago
    No, it does not imply that, but it leaves that possibility open.
    - atemerev 9y ago
      I wasn't a single parent; just the only source of household income. My wife later did extraordinary things to save the situation.
liveoneggs 9y ago
probably for the same reason there were so many summer 2009 babies in apartment buildings full of wall st types. :)
- dragonwriter 9y ago
  Despite the smiley, there's a not-implausible explanation implied by that.
atemerev 9y ago
This was around 3 years ago. Things are much better now. Some context: not all startups are financed with external investments; some happen to run from founders' personal savings and debt. I consider myself, as an ex-CEO, to be fully responsible for the failure, but it doesn't make myself a failure. I lived and learned through the experience.

donw 9y ago

(2) is very important advice. Don't worry about the big picture. Every day, find yourself some wins and celebrate them. Maybe it's something as small as brushing your teeth. Dental hygene rocks -- go you! Or leaving the house and going to Starbucks, even if only to browse Reddit. Hey, getting out that door can be a big challenge. Maybe it's going for a run or a hike. You totally owned that half-mile. Whatever it is, write it down in a list, and look at yesterday's list every morning. Every accomplishment, no matter how small, is a step forward. Celebrate the fact that you made that step, and didn't give up. One more thing: I don't know where you, the OOP, are, mentally. So while burnout is serious shit, depression is even more serious shit. And we don't talk about it enough in the tech community. Whenever I move to a new country, I immediately identify a local English-speaking hospital and dental practice. Because if I ever need them, I will need them on a very tight timeframe. So, I would invest a little time and find a quality psychiatrist. Somebody that you feel comfortable talking to, and that gives you good advice. Do what you would do with any professional service, and shop around until you find one you really like. That way, if you ever really do hit rock bottom, you know where you can go, and don't need to start searching when you're in no shape to do so.

davidmr 9y ago
Thank you. Even if things are a little different for every person as they naturally are, this is good advice and I genuinely appreciate the positive attitude. As someone who has struggled with depression quite a bit, I generally have a knee-jerk reaction to "just be positive" advice, but this really sits a nice middle ground between "be positive" and "find a way to be as positive as you can".
- donw 9y ago
  "Just be positive" is horrible advice, even for non-depressed people. Sometimes your world really has gone to shit. There is no shame in admitting that. Despair isn't limited only to people that have mental problems. So you treat it like any other survival situation: take stock of your resources, focus only on your next action (and on nothing else), celebrate every win that you get, and realize that failure is going to be part of the process, too. You're going to need every ounce of motivation and positivity that you can muster, and those ounces don't come free. So earn them, no matter how small, and bank those victories for the next day. Slogging through a long and grueling hike isn't about focusing on the summit of the mountain. It's about taking one step. And then you repeat. Sure, it might not be fast, and it might be hard as hell, but if you just don't quit, you will make it through.

biastoact 9y ago

"Our feelings are not a reliable indicator of personal value, especially after burning out." This is awesome advice for any situation brilliantly sumerized. Thank you!

wsinks 9y ago

Are you still at the 50k personal debt, legal pursuits, etc? As someone about to start the dreams - I'm curious.

atemerev 9y ago
The debt is less now, and I now have the means and the plan to repay the rest. All in all, everything is good.

onion2k 9y ago

Even if you feel like a failure, you are not. "Remember that failure is an event, not a person." Zig Ziglar

jondubois 9y ago

Your situation sounds much worse. There is no need to apologize for making a useful comparison which brings perspective to the discussion. No offense but most of the sob stories that make HN front page sound like whining from a spoiled brat. Your case sounds like proper bad/tough. I guess at least you've gained some skills from all this.

throwaway-273 9y ago

Ha, throwaway here, too - I wanted to post that kind of question as well in the last weeks, but I am starting to figure how to get back on the track. My background: 39, failed a couple of companies - the last one was the only true high profile project (in biotechnology). As a bonus, my co-founder tried to make me sign some IP related documents once we were going under, proving that the person I was living with the last two years of my life was a complete human disappointment. I am a scientist, multilingual, deep expertise in chemistry, skills in biotech, IT, and the whole startup salad. CV wise in Europe, I am totally out of the norm, have no life partner, and had to struggle to get back to life. No savings left, so I actually moved in to the cellar of my parents place. Additional bonus: All the stress of the last years start to pay off and gave me some bad health surprises, and I had to face a 2-3 month long depression. Fortunately, I got our of it, and I am not facing the same thing? Where do I fit in? What should I do with my beautiful, finite life? Work in a company? Get a wife? Get kids? Save up money to start my next project? Take a break, think about what you want in life, re-evaluate your situation, and move on. C'est la vie. If anyone wants to get in touch - here is my email: mfv@freeshell.de :^)

mezod 9y ago

2) is very important. I was in a rather similar situation as OP and thought "I have to do things to keep my mind distracted", so I started trying to do several things every day. After a while I wanted/needed to have a way to track my own habits and I came up with https://everydaycheck.com https://everydaycheck.com . Really, doing a little bit every day helps in not feeling like an imposter!

spraak 9y ago

Wow, thank you for the perspective. I've been feeling similar, but on the spectrum my situation is not so bad. Do you have a blog or contact? I'd be glad to get to know you.

mikeriley47 9y ago

.,.,.,.I was in debt about 2 years ago for $200k and damn near homeless until I started learning how to do Forex and binary options trading. I now earn a average of $7000 a day and I never looked back. This is what I did to get started and it works http://rurl.us/ctike http://rurl.us/ctike

john64121 9y ago

І wаs іn dеbt аbоut 2 уеаrs аgо fоr $200k аnd dаmn nеаr hоmеlеss untіl І stаrtеd lеаrnіng hоw tо dо Fоrех аnd bіnаrу орtіоns trаdіng. І nоw еаrn а аvеrаgе оf $7000 а dау аnd І nеvеr lооkеd bасk. Тhіs іs whаt І dіd tо gеt stаrtеd аnd іt wоrks http://rurl.us/b56k998i http://rurl.us/b56k998i