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You seem to be attempting to validate and excuse behavior that is, frankly, extremely inappropriate and arguably cruel. When I was in my early 20s, something li

by xor1 9y ago

You seem to be attempting to validate and excuse behavior that is, frankly, extremely inappropriate and arguably cruel. When I was in my early 20s, something like this would make me very wary of approaching other people in the future, because I would have felt like I did something wrong. It would be legitimately traumatizing, and I am not using that word lightly. You agree that the person you are replying to did nothing wrong, but you are still blaming them. Reverse the genders in the scenario, and think about it again. Would you still be defending a man who got angry at a female academic peer with no reasonable explanation? Do you still see the dynamics in the same light? Do you still make the same assumptions in regards to the intentions of both parties, and their subsequent reactions?

watwut 9y ago
He talked with her once in pub, she got angry so it did not worked out and that is cruel? Seriously? Reverse gender, a girl got long monologue to dude not allowing him to speak who failing to get his turn got angry and left (or whatever). Normal encounter between two people, nothing to sugest it had anything to do with gender. For that matter, I don't see dudes being blamed for being angry. It is normal emotion. At worst, it is assumed that they are either alpha or on the spectrum. But you brought up gender which has nothing to do with anything here, not me. She was not friendly to girls who would act the same. Academic peer has nothing to do with anything. And I did not blamed him. I provided interpretation that does not rely on her being "intimidated".
- xor1 9y ago
  williamstein never told anyone about this event, despite the fact that it bothered him enough to be a clear and distinct memory 15 years later. I am presuming that he did not tell anyone because he did not have any sort of dependable support group to turn to. I want you to think hard about why that may have been the case. >For that matter, I don't see dudes being blamed for being angry. It is normal emotion. Do you live in the United States? It is completely unacceptable for anyone to display anger in a public, academic, or professional setting unless they are in a position of power and/or authority. And just because it's acceptable for someone with status to do it doesn't make it okay either. In the case we are discussing, getting angry at someone else is EXTREMELY inappropriate.
  - watwut 9y ago
    You are adding own fiction to the story. His own interpretation was thay there is for him conflict between focusing at math and social. That makes people come across sdifferently then they intended - because they don't think about others at the moment. Duh. As anger goes, u have seen angry American managers and academics and journalists and random friends whether in position of authority or not. And I dont know why you imply she did not had social status to display anger (as only higher status can do that according to you). His story implies opposite - except again you are adding that aspect. OP did not cared about status not anything else social. He was overly excited about his research. Nevertheless, if you think anger it self is bad thing, then it is very unhealthy way of living. Such people tend to end up passive aggressive. Anger does not excuse unethical acts nor rude acts, but none such act is mentioned here. Just her being angry.

by xor1 9y ago

watwut 9y ago

He talked with her once in pub, she got angry so it did not worked out and that is cruel? Seriously? Reverse gender, a girl got long monologue to dude not allowing him to speak who failing to get his turn got angry and left (or whatever). Normal encounter between two people, nothing to sugest it had anything to do with gender. For that matter, I don't see dudes being blamed for being angry. It is normal emotion. At worst, it is assumed that they are either alpha or on the spectrum. But you brought up gender which has nothing to do with anything here, not me. She was not friendly to girls who would act the same. Academic peer has nothing to do with anything. And I did not blamed him. I provided interpretation that does not rely on her being "intimidated".

xor1 9y ago
williamstein never told anyone about this event, despite the fact that it bothered him enough to be a clear and distinct memory 15 years later. I am presuming that he did not tell anyone because he did not have any sort of dependable support group to turn to. I want you to think hard about why that may have been the case. >For that matter, I don't see dudes being blamed for being angry. It is normal emotion. Do you live in the United States? It is completely unacceptable for anyone to display anger in a public, academic, or professional setting unless they are in a position of power and/or authority. And just because it's acceptable for someone with status to do it doesn't make it okay either. In the case we are discussing, getting angry at someone else is EXTREMELY inappropriate.
- watwut 9y ago
  You are adding own fiction to the story. His own interpretation was thay there is for him conflict between focusing at math and social. That makes people come across sdifferently then they intended - because they don't think about others at the moment. Duh. As anger goes, u have seen angry American managers and academics and journalists and random friends whether in position of authority or not. And I dont know why you imply she did not had social status to display anger (as only higher status can do that according to you). His story implies opposite - except again you are adding that aspect. OP did not cared about status not anything else social. He was overly excited about his research. Nevertheless, if you think anger it self is bad thing, then it is very unhealthy way of living. Such people tend to end up passive aggressive. Anger does not excuse unethical acts nor rude acts, but none such act is mentioned here. Just her being angry.