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So if I go to Chennai, India, people won't ask me where I'm from? Or should I fear death by a thousand micro-agressions? How should the good people of Chennai

So if I go to Chennai, India, people won't ask me where I'm from? Or should I fear death by a thousand micro-agressions? How should the good people of Chennai act accordingly to the delicate situation they might put me in for asking too many where-are-you-from's? edit: missing quotation mark

vu2srk 9y ago
I believe you're missing the point I made, or maybe I'm not articulate enough. I don't think there should be any fear. Just awareness. "How should the good people of Chennai act accordingly to the delicate situation they might put me in for asking too many where-are-you-from's?" - That's the thing though, it might not stop with where-are-you-from, and as long as a few people in the group are aware of that, there'll be enough empathy to go around to prevent you from getting "othered". I did mention that it happens everywhere. Nothing is ever done with malicious intent. I can also go into what exactly the context was for this question. Kayla asked me something along the lines of have I faced any issues in the tech industry being a woman of color. And I said "No. Not that I can think of. Sometimes, when people know that you're a person of color, tiny microaggressions....[blah blah] work. But that happens everywhere, not just the tech industry. But I don't think I've ever been discriminated against for it". Edit: Or it might just stop with "where-are-you-from" :) Which is even worse. Don't get me wrong, I'm not against small talk. And I understand how difficult it can be to think about all this when your sole intention is just to be friendly with another person or build some common ground. I've been scenarios where, after I've told people where I'm from, I've been asked if I've ever had sex (since it's common knowledge that pre-marital sex in India is frowned upon) and I've been in scenarios where people don't know how to take the conversation forward. But I've also been in conversations where the outcome has been a fantastic cultural conversation! My only point being, there's more of a chance that you get asked these questions when you're in a minority group and if you've had certain bad experiences, you might get your shackles on when that question gets repeatedly asked. Is that making any sense? I'm happy to be educated if I'm missing something or should be thinking about this differently.
- cholantesh 9y ago
  I haven't had the conversation go in that route since high school (my family came to Canada in the late 90s, when I was 10 - I was born in Chennai, too), and by that point I had learned to turn the tables pretty well. Maybe I've been lucky, and maybe it's just that Canadians approach race differently. Every one of us is an 'other', and it doesn't seem to bother us a whole lot. Most of us anyway, Kellie Lietch doesn't seem to agree.

vu2srk 9y ago

I believe you're missing the point I made, or maybe I'm not articulate enough. I don't think there should be any fear. Just awareness. "How should the good people of Chennai act accordingly to the delicate situation they might put me in for asking too many where-are-you-from's?" - That's the thing though, it might not stop with where-are-you-from, and as long as a few people in the group are aware of that, there'll be enough empathy to go around to prevent you from getting "othered". I did mention that it happens everywhere. Nothing is ever done with malicious intent. I can also go into what exactly the context was for this question. Kayla asked me something along the lines of have I faced any issues in the tech industry being a woman of color. And I said "No. Not that I can think of. Sometimes, when people know that you're a person of color, tiny microaggressions....[blah blah] work. But that happens everywhere, not just the tech industry. But I don't think I've ever been discriminated against for it". Edit: Or it might just stop with "where-are-you-from" :) Which is even worse. Don't get me wrong, I'm not against small talk. And I understand how difficult it can be to think about all this when your sole intention is just to be friendly with another person or build some common ground. I've been scenarios where, after I've told people where I'm from, I've been asked if I've ever had sex (since it's common knowledge that pre-marital sex in India is frowned upon) and I've been in scenarios where people don't know how to take the conversation forward. But I've also been in conversations where the outcome has been a fantastic cultural conversation! My only point being, there's more of a chance that you get asked these questions when you're in a minority group and if you've had certain bad experiences, you might get your shackles on when that question gets repeatedly asked. Is that making any sense? I'm happy to be educated if I'm missing something or should be thinking about this differently.

cholantesh 9y ago
I haven't had the conversation go in that route since high school (my family came to Canada in the late 90s, when I was 10 - I was born in Chennai, too), and by that point I had learned to turn the tables pretty well. Maybe I've been lucky, and maybe it's just that Canadians approach race differently. Every one of us is an 'other', and it doesn't seem to bother us a whole lot. Most of us anyway, Kellie Lietch doesn't seem to agree.