That's not normal or healthy. See a therapist. Also meditation will still help but what you're taking about is a broader and deeper issue with how you process

That's not normal or healthy. See a therapist. Also meditation will still help but what you're taking about is a broader and deeper issue with how you process frustrations and anger. That needs professional help. No shame in it - it's quite useful! It's not like they teach it in school is it?