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I moved to the country purposely to ensure my kids could have that life. They have 100 acres to run around. All the trees they could want to climb, a tire swing

I moved to the country purposely to ensure my kids could have that life. They have 100 acres to run around. All the trees they could want to climb, a tire swing, a "fort" which is really just the clearing under a tree with branches that hang down to the ground and shield it from view. As long as they're not killing each other or destroying anything, I am actively hands off - on purpose. It's my opinion that the roam-free policy my parents took with me instilled the belief that I am capable of anything I decide. I'm actively trying to instill that in my kids. No matter how much frustration that causes me, I want that for them. There's no rubber mats. There's no safety net. In my whole school of kids, the worst injury prior to anyone learning to drive was a couple of concussions and a couple of broken limbs. 150 kids in the school. There were no deaths, no catastrophic injuries that put them in hospital. Those didn't come until they were old enough to drive. Most of the parents in my village seemed to have this roam free policy. We would all show up at each other's houses, go for bike rides for miles, swim in rivers unsupervised, learned our own fears and boundaries. Heaven forbid we pissed off one of the neighbours and our parents found out about it. Then we'd be for the high jump. Heaven forbid you got grounded and couldn't go outside and all you had to play with was buckets of Lego while all our friends were outside building jump ramps for their BMXs and all you could do was look out the window at them. Both of my kids have clinically diagnosed ADHD and my eldest also has ODD. If they didn't get this outside time, I might have jumped off the roof myself just to escape the torture this brings. I actively encourage the kids to go out and play. I'd rather they weren't in the house. When they're in the house, they're just making a mess that it's more of a fight to make them clean up than it is just to clean it up myself. I firmly believe that kids should be able to be kids without having all of our rules and orders shoved down their throats. It's stifling and all it does is make them question themselves and hurts their self esteem. My kids believe they can do anything. This frequently makes me pull my hair out in frustration, but I know that once they become adults, what frustrates me endlessly now will be the tools they use to take on the world and succeed.

j_s 9y ago
If you don't mind my asking, how do you pay the bills? I would love to provide this type of an opportunity for my family, but the transition from a 45-minute urban commute from the suburbs to something like what you're doing is uncharted territory.
- bmelton 9y ago
  I'm not the parent, but I've always lived in the suburbs. The suburbs I live in now are far less rural than the ones I grew up in, mind you, and I've never lived within 1,000 miles of California, or the Valley, but through the magic of telecommuting, I have had a few jobs based in the SF/Mountain View area, while maintaining an acre of flat, fenced yard for my dogs and family.
- balabaster 9y ago
  So there are a few factors here: Having grown up in the country and being used to being an hour from the closest big city (London) meant that my tolerance for commuting is a lot different than those that are used to a 10 minute commute. So you have to factor that in. For most of my adult life however, I've lived in reasonably large cities and the commute time hasn't been less of a pain in the ass than if I'd lived in the burbs. Living in the city I enjoyed for a while. I loved being able to walk... everywhere. Everything was in walking distance close enough to bike or take a bus, a tram or the subway. That is awesome. The bustle and the fact it never shuts off is exciting and invigorating... until you get to a point where you just want everyone to fuck off and leave you alone... like, the whole city. It never sleeps, there's always something going on, fire trucks waking you, drunk people swearing at each other up and down the street, cars, noise, pollution yada yada yada. Anyway, my point is that my love of the city diminished greatly over time. Now I love to visit, but I love to leave more. I don't get much enjoyment sleeping in the city. I'd rather leave. My 3 days a week downtown adequately sates my appetite for city life. I tried living in the burbs, it was soul destroying. Nobody knew each other, it was cookie cutter houses on cookie cutter streets, everyone chasing the Jones's wanting bigger, better, faster and buying into the whole consumerism bullshit that we have shoved down our throats by the media. It made me want to slit my wrists or drown myself in the bathtub. You couldn't go to the pub without getting in the car, which meant you couldn't drink, which defeated the purpose of going to the pub. You still suffered all the same rules and regulations and busy bodies of living in the city, but none of the fun that you can have in the country - no fires, no loud music, no parties until all hours in the morning... pittsville. What's the point in that? If I'm going to live outside the city, I want to be able to do all the things I'm not allowed to do in the city. So the burbs seems like the worst of both worlds. So I had many reasons for doing so, but eventually my reasons to leave the city grew to be more compelling than staying in the city. I now effectively have two jobs, well, three if you include parenting. I work downtown as a software engineer which is a two hour commute each way. When I took this contract, I ensured that there would be no issue with me working from home 2 days a week. I also work the farm when I'm not programming. I help with the heavy labour, along with my ex-wife and the kids and we also hire labourers as we need - when I don't have time (or inclination) to help with the workload. We grow our own organic produce and ethically raised animals for meat and we are set up as a teaching facility to help others interested in this lifestyle to adopt pieces of it into their own lives and homes. So it's part lifestyle, part business. I use my commute time to chillax, listen to ebooks, listen to music, podcasts and basically have a one person party. Sometimes I chat on the phone with my friends, handsfree of course, and sometimes I sit in complete silence the entire way - imagine, 4 hours a day of total silence with nothing but your own thoughts about life, yourself, philosophy, pondering. It's a great time for reflection. The point is, my commute is me time, nobody hassling me, nobody needing me, no booboos to fix, no runny noses, no animals to feed, no crops to harvest, no work harassing me, it's time for me to do whatever I please on top of additionally driving my car in the direction of the office or my house. There's no stress because I don't set out with the mindset that I have to be somewhere quickly. The traffic is what it is, I will get there when I get there. Fuck how long it takes and fuck anyone who gets pissed off that it takes me as long as it does to get where I'm going. It doesn't need to be stressful. I think a lot of people get unnecessarily hung up on this. The down side is that I have to pay for gas and parking. But I treat it like a mini-roadtrip. I make sure I have tea and snacks and don't take it very seriously. My windows are usually down and sunroof open (weather permitting), my music is up and its endless summer. All in all, the amount of stress you suffer is the amount of stressful perceptions you hang on to and dwell on. If you can reframe as many of those things that cause you stress as things you can derive some level of fun or pleasure from, life becomes much easier to deal with. So I pay the bills and subsidize the cost of labourers and investments in the farm with my income from my software contracts. I try and ensure I work from home at least 2 days a week so I don't spend too much time partying in my car which while fun is totally unproductive. I loved my time in the city, but even the thought of a thriving night life, more dating opportunities and the reduction of my commute couldn't bring me back from the country. Imagine a life where you don't spend your time living to go to the cottage and instead, just find a way to live at the cottage permanently. That's really all I've done. It can be done, quite easily if you sit down and make a plan to facilitate it. Everything is just details, and all of the problems that might be a hindrance along the way are only that, a hindrance. http://www.alabasteracres.com/ http://www.alabasteracres.com/

j_s 9y ago

If you don't mind my asking, how do you pay the bills? I would love to provide this type of an opportunity for my family, but the transition from a 45-minute urban commute from the suburbs to something like what you're doing is uncharted territory.

bmelton 9y ago
I'm not the parent, but I've always lived in the suburbs. The suburbs I live in now are far less rural than the ones I grew up in, mind you, and I've never lived within 1,000 miles of California, or the Valley, but through the magic of telecommuting, I have had a few jobs based in the SF/Mountain View area, while maintaining an acre of flat, fenced yard for my dogs and family.
balabaster 9y ago
So there are a few factors here: Having grown up in the country and being used to being an hour from the closest big city (London) meant that my tolerance for commuting is a lot different than those that are used to a 10 minute commute. So you have to factor that in. For most of my adult life however, I've lived in reasonably large cities and the commute time hasn't been less of a pain in the ass than if I'd lived in the burbs. Living in the city I enjoyed for a while. I loved being able to walk... everywhere. Everything was in walking distance close enough to bike or take a bus, a tram or the subway. That is awesome. The bustle and the fact it never shuts off is exciting and invigorating... until you get to a point where you just want everyone to fuck off and leave you alone... like, the whole city. It never sleeps, there's always something going on, fire trucks waking you, drunk people swearing at each other up and down the street, cars, noise, pollution yada yada yada. Anyway, my point is that my love of the city diminished greatly over time. Now I love to visit, but I love to leave more. I don't get much enjoyment sleeping in the city. I'd rather leave. My 3 days a week downtown adequately sates my appetite for city life. I tried living in the burbs, it was soul destroying. Nobody knew each other, it was cookie cutter houses on cookie cutter streets, everyone chasing the Jones's wanting bigger, better, faster and buying into the whole consumerism bullshit that we have shoved down our throats by the media. It made me want to slit my wrists or drown myself in the bathtub. You couldn't go to the pub without getting in the car, which meant you couldn't drink, which defeated the purpose of going to the pub. You still suffered all the same rules and regulations and busy bodies of living in the city, but none of the fun that you can have in the country - no fires, no loud music, no parties until all hours in the morning... pittsville. What's the point in that? If I'm going to live outside the city, I want to be able to do all the things I'm not allowed to do in the city. So the burbs seems like the worst of both worlds. So I had many reasons for doing so, but eventually my reasons to leave the city grew to be more compelling than staying in the city. I now effectively have two jobs, well, three if you include parenting. I work downtown as a software engineer which is a two hour commute each way. When I took this contract, I ensured that there would be no issue with me working from home 2 days a week. I also work the farm when I'm not programming. I help with the heavy labour, along with my ex-wife and the kids and we also hire labourers as we need - when I don't have time (or inclination) to help with the workload. We grow our own organic produce and ethically raised animals for meat and we are set up as a teaching facility to help others interested in this lifestyle to adopt pieces of it into their own lives and homes. So it's part lifestyle, part business. I use my commute time to chillax, listen to ebooks, listen to music, podcasts and basically have a one person party. Sometimes I chat on the phone with my friends, handsfree of course, and sometimes I sit in complete silence the entire way - imagine, 4 hours a day of total silence with nothing but your own thoughts about life, yourself, philosophy, pondering. It's a great time for reflection. The point is, my commute is me time, nobody hassling me, nobody needing me, no booboos to fix, no runny noses, no animals to feed, no crops to harvest, no work harassing me, it's time for me to do whatever I please on top of additionally driving my car in the direction of the office or my house. There's no stress because I don't set out with the mindset that I have to be somewhere quickly. The traffic is what it is, I will get there when I get there. Fuck how long it takes and fuck anyone who gets pissed off that it takes me as long as it does to get where I'm going. It doesn't need to be stressful. I think a lot of people get unnecessarily hung up on this. The down side is that I have to pay for gas and parking. But I treat it like a mini-roadtrip. I make sure I have tea and snacks and don't take it very seriously. My windows are usually down and sunroof open (weather permitting), my music is up and its endless summer. All in all, the amount of stress you suffer is the amount of stressful perceptions you hang on to and dwell on. If you can reframe as many of those things that cause you stress as things you can derive some level of fun or pleasure from, life becomes much easier to deal with. So I pay the bills and subsidize the cost of labourers and investments in the farm with my income from my software contracts. I try and ensure I work from home at least 2 days a week so I don't spend too much time partying in my car which while fun is totally unproductive. I loved my time in the city, but even the thought of a thriving night life, more dating opportunities and the reduction of my commute couldn't bring me back from the country. Imagine a life where you don't spend your time living to go to the cottage and instead, just find a way to live at the cottage permanently. That's really all I've done. It can be done, quite easily if you sit down and make a plan to facilitate it. Everything is just details, and all of the problems that might be a hindrance along the way are only that, a hindrance. http://www.alabasteracres.com/ http://www.alabasteracres.com/