3 ms·

I've had many of the same thoughts. To the point that I think I've become more racist because of them. Isn't that what racism is? Treating someone different

I've had many of the same thoughts. To the point that I think I've become more racist because of them. Isn't that what racism is? Treating someone different because of their skin color? I've instead resolved to think and worry less about it. I know I don't treat people different because of skin color, and that's good enough. If I'm rude to someone and they think it's race or gender related, that's their problem, not mine. (And I'm generally not a rude person, so it's not like happens all that often anyhow.) What really started me down this path was a friend of mine (she's a "person of color") who honestly believes that "all white people are racist", "it's impossible to be racist against white people", and "all cops are corrupt", among other things. After a while, I started to worry that all non-white people thought everyone was being racist all the time. Her poison infected me to the point that every time I passed a co-worker, I'd wonder if thought I was doing something racist at that moment. I wasn't. I knew I wasn't. But I worried that they thought so. But unless they're really good at hiding those feelings, they aren't thinking that. I know some of them well enough to know they'd show some outward sign of discomfort if that were the case. In the end, I decided my friend was toxic to her own cause. Her constant (racist) posts about racism actually pushed me in the wrong direction, and I've had to correct for it. Instead, I recognize that it's a kind of mental illness to expect everyone to be racist to you. Not just to guard against it, but to actually expect it. It's also a mental illness to think that nobody else could experience what you do, or understand it without actually experiencing it. I can't fix those people. I can't only walk away and let them think whatever they want. I'll keep being a good person, and they'll have to deal with any bad feelings they're creating out of nothing.

throw_this_away 9y ago
I don't know your friend so I can't speak to directly to her specific behaviors, but I know a lot of people like your friend and I think it might be helpful for you if you considered her thoughts from a different perspective - Perhaps you may not be personally 'racist', and perhaps you don't feel 'racist', but there is enough objective science based evidence to conclude that we live in a society that highly favors whiteness over browness and blackness. And if you're a white person in a society that favors whiteness, you benefit from that favoritism. That benefit is what people are calling a system of 'white privilege' and 'systemic racism'. So as a person who benefits from these systems, and has never experienced what it's like to be on the other side of this system, it's possible (likely even) that you've unconsciously learned some behaviors that contribute to this system. So her words may not be an attack on you personally, it's just a very blunt way of acknowledging something that has been proven (scientifically) time and time again. White privilege exists, all white people benefit from it... The last thing I want to say is that something can be racist even if there is no intent to be racist. The outcome is what matters. There are millions of perfectly nice people who don't intentionally do racist things that still end up contributing to racism because of subconscious bias that have been instilled in them by our society. Just an example - http://hbswk.hbs.edu/item/minorities-who-whiten-job-resumes-get-more-interviews http://hbswk.hbs.edu/item/minorities-who-whiten-job-resumes-... I doubt these companies are intentionally expressing bias towards minorities, but the outcome is a hiring process that requires them to 'mask' their identity, a burden that white people don't have to bear. And if you don't have to bear a burden carried by a large percentage of people unlike yourself, that's a privilege...
- wccrawford 9y ago
  I'm not denying that society is tilted in my favor. That's been clear to me since I was young and had minority scholarships explained to me. I'm not talking about that, though. I'm saying that she literally says, "All white people are racist." And she means it. She also literally says that there's no such thing as racism towards white people because it's not racism if that society isn't tilted in their favor. Yes, I know what "institutional racism" is. I also know what plain old "racism" is. It probably doesn't affect me nearly as much as it does any random minority, but that doesn't mean it isn't racism. And any racism contributes to racism in general. You can't treat someone like shit and then expect them to treat you better. It's foolish.

throw_this_away 9y ago

I don't know your friend so I can't speak to directly to her specific behaviors, but I know a lot of people like your friend and I think it might be helpful for you if you considered her thoughts from a different perspective - Perhaps you may not be personally 'racist', and perhaps you don't feel 'racist', but there is enough objective science based evidence to conclude that we live in a society that highly favors whiteness over browness and blackness. And if you're a white person in a society that favors whiteness, you benefit from that favoritism. That benefit is what people are calling a system of 'white privilege' and 'systemic racism'. So as a person who benefits from these systems, and has never experienced what it's like to be on the other side of this system, it's possible (likely even) that you've unconsciously learned some behaviors that contribute to this system. So her words may not be an attack on you personally, it's just a very blunt way of acknowledging something that has been proven (scientifically) time and time again. White privilege exists, all white people benefit from it... The last thing I want to say is that something can be racist even if there is no intent to be racist. The outcome is what matters. There are millions of perfectly nice people who don't intentionally do racist things that still end up contributing to racism because of subconscious bias that have been instilled in them by our society. Just an example - http://hbswk.hbs.edu/item/minorities-who-whiten-job-resumes-get-more-interviews http://hbswk.hbs.edu/item/minorities-who-whiten-job-resumes-... I doubt these companies are intentionally expressing bias towards minorities, but the outcome is a hiring process that requires them to 'mask' their identity, a burden that white people don't have to bear. And if you don't have to bear a burden carried by a large percentage of people unlike yourself, that's a privilege...

wccrawford 9y ago
I'm not denying that society is tilted in my favor. That's been clear to me since I was young and had minority scholarships explained to me. I'm not talking about that, though. I'm saying that she literally says, "All white people are racist." And she means it. She also literally says that there's no such thing as racism towards white people because it's not racism if that society isn't tilted in their favor. Yes, I know what "institutional racism" is. I also know what plain old "racism" is. It probably doesn't affect me nearly as much as it does any random minority, but that doesn't mean it isn't racism. And any racism contributes to racism in general. You can't treat someone like shit and then expect them to treat you better. It's foolish.