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My uncle died suddenly this year. He was unbelievably caring - and not just to family - but to everyone he ever met. His funeral was jam packed with everyone fr

My uncle died suddenly this year. He was unbelievably caring - and not just to family - but to everyone he ever met. His funeral was jam packed with everyone from homeless people to executives of multi-billion dollar companies. I always thought that his ability to always have you, and whatever you had last talked about with him, on his mind at any moment was some kind of supernatural gift. I was surprised to find out at his funeral that he actually kept an excel spreadsheet of everyone he met and what they needed and were going through. He reviewed this constantly. It didn't lessen his genuine love for everyone, just let him be a little more super human.

toomuchtodo 9y ago
This is exactly what Facebook should be. An augmented agent to help us be more helpful and empathetic to friends and family. I'm sorry for your loss. Your uncle sounds like a great human being.
- kinkrtyavimoodh 9y ago
  This is what a lot of us who don't hate Zuck's guts actually do use FB for.
  - kbenson 9y ago
    It's not that I hate Zuckerberg that I find it hard to use Facebook, but that I trust them less than the other super-presences outs there (justified or not), and I dislike how it changes my perceptions of some of my friends. The constant posting of inane shit starts to look less like keeping in touch and more like an addiction to my eyes. I still like those people, and enjoy their company, but being constantly exposed to their posts feels like being in their living room as they crack open that 8 AM beer after waking up. It gets uncomfortable, but it's also not something I'm sure it's my place to butt into, since to this point it appears mostly harmless. It is the best tool to keep in contact we currently have though, so I do pop in every week or two to check on notifications. The times I go longer I end up missing events friends have put together and not notified in other ways about, so I try to remember to check in fairly regularly. I only hope they don't swing their attention towards those of us that shun the feed any time soon, and try to find a way to tweak our reward response for that as well (or at least in a more effective way. I'm sure they've put at least some attention to it).
    - blazespin 9y ago
      Yeah, I don't get that. I see some people who like to reflect their interests online but I don't consider it inane or addiction. You have a hobby, why not share it online?
      - kbenson 9y ago
        I don't think there's anything wrong with people posting about their hobbies, or what's up in their lives, even multiple times a day. I have people that post multiple times every hour. Sometimes 8-10 times an hour for short periods. Generally it looks like reposting everything they read. They become a one person news aggregator, if by "news" we mean Facebook posts tailored for meme propagation (which means a good portion of them range from misleading to blatantly false). I don't really use my feed, so I'm not bothered by the posts being in my feed for my own sake. I'm just a bit worried that they've become obsessed with Facebook attention to an unhealthy degree.
      - wccrawford 9y ago
        It becomes a problem when you've got people who are incredibly single-minded about something. I don't mind my coworker's weekly posts about car stuff at all, even though I have no interest whatsoever. And when he posts some progress on some car repair he's doing, I'm glad to see he's doing something he loves. But when my SJW friend posts yet another ridiculous over-the-top post about how all X are X, and somehow thinks this means they aren't be prejudiced themselves, it's hard to handle. You can't tell them anything, either, because there's something different about you that makes them think you're unable to empathize with them, or understand what they're going through. Some of them are so incredibly obviously wrong, too. Like: All cops are corrupt. This is a person who is pretty fun to be around and hosts parties that are fun. In person, they aren't so overbearing about this stuff. But online? They're a monster who can't be corrected or even debated with. If you do, you're X and can't understand. In short, I think you're fortunate not to have anyone single-minded like this on your Facebook friends list. The only real solution is to just unfollow them, which is horrible because you then miss the posts from them that you actually want to see.
  - AndrewUnmuted 9y ago
    That's what you think you'd LIKE to use FB for. But remember, the medium is the message. You can't escape the interactive narrow mindedness of FB because it is inherent to the design of the overall product. In reality, you use FB to have your data packaged up and sold to advertisers, brands, and government agencies. You're the product, not the customer.
  - robbiep 9y ago
    Having everyone watch all your interactions with your nearest and dearest creeps me the fuck out. I'm more private than that
  - hoffs 9y ago
    Yeah, but if you have 10 or more friends your 'wall' gets littered with all kinds of useless information. Unless you unfollow and explicitly tell to not to show any of their likes and other random information.
    - bryondowd 9y ago
      I do exactly this and have no problem with FB. I only friend people I actually know and care to have interactions with, and I kick anyone who's posts are overall more worth my time than not off my feed. This means my feed is actually worth scrolling through (and takes maybe 10 minutes every couple days to get through) and if I want to see what's going on with some particular person who isn't on my feed, I can go to their page and skim through. I don't get all the hate on FB. Sure, the default is mess, but that's what most people want, and if it's not what you want, there are means to control it and still have a powerful communication tool. A tool is what you make of it, and it's really not hard to make use of FB in a sane way.
  - Semaphor 9y ago
    I agree, but they do make it harder to use for anything but posting memes every year.
  - coldtea 9y ago
    Unless FB facilitates this use (which it doesn't -- back in the day, maybe) then whether one hate's Zuck's guts or not is not really relevant.
- chrischen 9y ago
  But what it really is an advertising platform. I mean if Facebook charged for usage then I'd pay for it.
- blazespin 9y ago
  Yeah, fb should kill this open source startup! ;p Seriously, though, i think it would really creep people out if fb had a feature to take notes about what you talked with people who aren't even joined up.
- samstave 9y ago
  That's pretty much what FB and the government use it for...
- chenster 9y ago
  But not one uses FB. I got friends who are on Line and WeChat exclusively. Some part of the world don't have access to FB.
  - loco5niner 9y ago
    "Nobody goes there anymore. It’s too crowded" - anonymous, but often attributed to Yogi Berra
    - hashkb 9y ago
      Because it gets late early?
  - somidscr21 9y ago
    1.28 billion daily active users on average for March 2017 [https://newsroom.fb.com/company-info/ https://newsroom.fb.com/company-info/] would greatly disagree with your statement. It may not be the answer for everyone, but it could be that tool for a large chunk of the world's population.
LordKano 9y ago
Your uncle sounds like an interesting man. I wish I could have known him.
- keithpeter 9y ago
  I'd echo that sentiment. I'm also curious as to the format of the spreadsheet! How did Uncle add new events &c - just modify a cell or add a new row with some kind of key? I'm interested in tracking interactions with my adult education students...
  - blairbeckwith 9y ago
    Been thinking about this at the same time I've been trying to find a use for Airtable. It seems like a great product but I've never had an obvious use case until now. Seems like it could be a great fit.
robinhood 9y ago
That's a great story, thanks for sharing it with us.
mysterydip 9y ago
On the contrary, keeping that kind of a file up to date would require effort and caring more than if he did not have to.
dodgedcactii 9y ago
yes, i'm sure homeless people and billionaire execs rubbed elbows, trumping their class antagonism!
bitJericho 9y ago
Dale Carnegie wrote about doing just this in How to Win Friends and Influence People. This is very common among successful people, and shows an astonishing level of caring imo.
binarypaean 9y ago
I feel like him doing that with a spreadsheet is more impressive than having some kind of photographic social memory. He cared about people enough to make familiarity and kindness a discipline and habit that he lived. Despite many of our apps, life hacks, and "social medias" we miss the simple insight; social kindness is rooted in just giving enough of a damn to have a discipline for it. Any tool is secondary.
- bodhibyte 9y ago
  "social kindness is rooted in just giving enough of a damn to have a discipline for it" -binarypaean Well said! Thanks for sharing!
jackarg 9y ago
If you want to become a generous person such as him, when do you know when you've reached a limit in compassion? Would someone like your uncle ever think, for someone who is excessively rude, uncaring, disagreeable, unfriendly: "he is not worth my time, I should move on?"
- learc83 9y ago
  You don't have to be best friends with someone like that to be kind to them. I think the limit should be in allowing that person to take advantage of your kindness.
- danielvf 9y ago
  That's a great question! Actually, the last time I saw my uncle, I asked how he could be generous, and yet not be taken advantage of or stuck with horrible people. He said that what he'd learned to do was to condition whatever help he was offering on the person taking some tiny step first. Often, it was as simple as "make up a budget for you and your wife to go on a three day getaway, send it to me, and I'll write you a check." He said that almost everyone who was just in it for the handouts couldn't be bothered. My uncle also mixed a lot of his giving with encouraging young people's talents. He'd hire students who were excited in X, to do X for him in some way. He hired students to take photos, make music, decorate houses, build apps, archive things, paint, and who knows what else. He even hired a student to make memes. This way the students not only got money, but grew in their skills and were excited that someone wanted their work. There were, of course, some rude and uncaring people in his life. But those people didn't want to spend time with him so there was never really a conflict there.
  - jadbox 9y ago
    Your short retelling of your uncle's kindness has rather inspired me to be more diligent in my approach to being kind to others. Thank you for sharing!
    - arkitaip 9y ago
      It really is a thoughtful and beautiful gift to his uncle beyond the grave which is truly amazing.
z3t4 9y ago
Idea: A web site / app where you write what you and your friends have/need, then via social-graph and match-making, you are introduced to other people via friends of friends, and on a set date you do the exchange, so you receive the apples from person A and send your oranges to person B. I used goods in this example, but it should be all but goods or money, it should be like favors, jobs, dates, fishing friend, etc.
divanvisagie 9y ago
Whenever someone gets a new app idea in our office my one colleague always asks "Can it be solved with a spreadsheet or an instant messenger?". Well I guess this comment answers that question.

toomuchtodo 9y ago

This is exactly what Facebook should be. An augmented agent to help us be more helpful and empathetic to friends and family. I'm sorry for your loss. Your uncle sounds like a great human being.

kinkrtyavimoodh 9y ago
This is what a lot of us who don't hate Zuck's guts actually do use FB for.
- kbenson 9y ago
  It's not that I hate Zuckerberg that I find it hard to use Facebook, but that I trust them less than the other super-presences outs there (justified or not), and I dislike how it changes my perceptions of some of my friends. The constant posting of inane shit starts to look less like keeping in touch and more like an addiction to my eyes. I still like those people, and enjoy their company, but being constantly exposed to their posts feels like being in their living room as they crack open that 8 AM beer after waking up. It gets uncomfortable, but it's also not something I'm sure it's my place to butt into, since to this point it appears mostly harmless. It is the best tool to keep in contact we currently have though, so I do pop in every week or two to check on notifications. The times I go longer I end up missing events friends have put together and not notified in other ways about, so I try to remember to check in fairly regularly. I only hope they don't swing their attention towards those of us that shun the feed any time soon, and try to find a way to tweak our reward response for that as well (or at least in a more effective way. I'm sure they've put at least some attention to it).
  - blazespin 9y ago
    Yeah, I don't get that. I see some people who like to reflect their interests online but I don't consider it inane or addiction. You have a hobby, why not share it online?
    - kbenson 9y ago
      I don't think there's anything wrong with people posting about their hobbies, or what's up in their lives, even multiple times a day. I have people that post multiple times every hour. Sometimes 8-10 times an hour for short periods. Generally it looks like reposting everything they read. They become a one person news aggregator, if by "news" we mean Facebook posts tailored for meme propagation (which means a good portion of them range from misleading to blatantly false). I don't really use my feed, so I'm not bothered by the posts being in my feed for my own sake. I'm just a bit worried that they've become obsessed with Facebook attention to an unhealthy degree.
    - wccrawford 9y ago
      It becomes a problem when you've got people who are incredibly single-minded about something. I don't mind my coworker's weekly posts about car stuff at all, even though I have no interest whatsoever. And when he posts some progress on some car repair he's doing, I'm glad to see he's doing something he loves. But when my SJW friend posts yet another ridiculous over-the-top post about how all X are X, and somehow thinks this means they aren't be prejudiced themselves, it's hard to handle. You can't tell them anything, either, because there's something different about you that makes them think you're unable to empathize with them, or understand what they're going through. Some of them are so incredibly obviously wrong, too. Like: All cops are corrupt. This is a person who is pretty fun to be around and hosts parties that are fun. In person, they aren't so overbearing about this stuff. But online? They're a monster who can't be corrected or even debated with. If you do, you're X and can't understand. In short, I think you're fortunate not to have anyone single-minded like this on your Facebook friends list. The only real solution is to just unfollow them, which is horrible because you then miss the posts from them that you actually want to see.
- AndrewUnmuted 9y ago
  That's what you think you'd LIKE to use FB for. But remember, the medium is the message. You can't escape the interactive narrow mindedness of FB because it is inherent to the design of the overall product. In reality, you use FB to have your data packaged up and sold to advertisers, brands, and government agencies. You're the product, not the customer.
- robbiep 9y ago
  Having everyone watch all your interactions with your nearest and dearest creeps me the fuck out. I'm more private than that
- hoffs 9y ago
  Yeah, but if you have 10 or more friends your 'wall' gets littered with all kinds of useless information. Unless you unfollow and explicitly tell to not to show any of their likes and other random information.
  - bryondowd 9y ago
    I do exactly this and have no problem with FB. I only friend people I actually know and care to have interactions with, and I kick anyone who's posts are overall more worth my time than not off my feed. This means my feed is actually worth scrolling through (and takes maybe 10 minutes every couple days to get through) and if I want to see what's going on with some particular person who isn't on my feed, I can go to their page and skim through. I don't get all the hate on FB. Sure, the default is mess, but that's what most people want, and if it's not what you want, there are means to control it and still have a powerful communication tool. A tool is what you make of it, and it's really not hard to make use of FB in a sane way.
- Semaphor 9y ago
  I agree, but they do make it harder to use for anything but posting memes every year.
- coldtea 9y ago
  Unless FB facilitates this use (which it doesn't -- back in the day, maybe) then whether one hate's Zuck's guts or not is not really relevant.
chrischen 9y ago
But what it really is an advertising platform. I mean if Facebook charged for usage then I'd pay for it.
blazespin 9y ago
Yeah, fb should kill this open source startup! ;p Seriously, though, i think it would really creep people out if fb had a feature to take notes about what you talked with people who aren't even joined up.
samstave 9y ago
That's pretty much what FB and the government use it for...
chenster 9y ago
But not one uses FB. I got friends who are on Line and WeChat exclusively. Some part of the world don't have access to FB.
- loco5niner 9y ago
  "Nobody goes there anymore. It’s too crowded" - anonymous, but often attributed to Yogi Berra
  - hashkb 9y ago
    Because it gets late early?
- somidscr21 9y ago
  1.28 billion daily active users on average for March 2017 [https://newsroom.fb.com/company-info/ https://newsroom.fb.com/company-info/] would greatly disagree with your statement. It may not be the answer for everyone, but it could be that tool for a large chunk of the world's population.

LordKano 9y ago

Your uncle sounds like an interesting man. I wish I could have known him.

keithpeter 9y ago
I'd echo that sentiment. I'm also curious as to the format of the spreadsheet! How did Uncle add new events &c - just modify a cell or add a new row with some kind of key? I'm interested in tracking interactions with my adult education students...
- blairbeckwith 9y ago
  Been thinking about this at the same time I've been trying to find a use for Airtable. It seems like a great product but I've never had an obvious use case until now. Seems like it could be a great fit.

robinhood 9y ago

That's a great story, thanks for sharing it with us.

mysterydip 9y ago

On the contrary, keeping that kind of a file up to date would require effort and caring more than if he did not have to.

dodgedcactii 9y ago

yes, i'm sure homeless people and billionaire execs rubbed elbows, trumping their class antagonism!

bitJericho 9y ago

Dale Carnegie wrote about doing just this in How to Win Friends and Influence People. This is very common among successful people, and shows an astonishing level of caring imo.

binarypaean 9y ago

I feel like him doing that with a spreadsheet is more impressive than having some kind of photographic social memory. He cared about people enough to make familiarity and kindness a discipline and habit that he lived. Despite many of our apps, life hacks, and "social medias" we miss the simple insight; social kindness is rooted in just giving enough of a damn to have a discipline for it. Any tool is secondary.

bodhibyte 9y ago
"social kindness is rooted in just giving enough of a damn to have a discipline for it" -binarypaean Well said! Thanks for sharing!

jackarg 9y ago

If you want to become a generous person such as him, when do you know when you've reached a limit in compassion? Would someone like your uncle ever think, for someone who is excessively rude, uncaring, disagreeable, unfriendly: "he is not worth my time, I should move on?"

learc83 9y ago
You don't have to be best friends with someone like that to be kind to them. I think the limit should be in allowing that person to take advantage of your kindness.
danielvf 9y ago
That's a great question! Actually, the last time I saw my uncle, I asked how he could be generous, and yet not be taken advantage of or stuck with horrible people. He said that what he'd learned to do was to condition whatever help he was offering on the person taking some tiny step first. Often, it was as simple as "make up a budget for you and your wife to go on a three day getaway, send it to me, and I'll write you a check." He said that almost everyone who was just in it for the handouts couldn't be bothered. My uncle also mixed a lot of his giving with encouraging young people's talents. He'd hire students who were excited in X, to do X for him in some way. He hired students to take photos, make music, decorate houses, build apps, archive things, paint, and who knows what else. He even hired a student to make memes. This way the students not only got money, but grew in their skills and were excited that someone wanted their work. There were, of course, some rude and uncaring people in his life. But those people didn't want to spend time with him so there was never really a conflict there.
- jadbox 9y ago
  Your short retelling of your uncle's kindness has rather inspired me to be more diligent in my approach to being kind to others. Thank you for sharing!
  - arkitaip 9y ago
    It really is a thoughtful and beautiful gift to his uncle beyond the grave which is truly amazing.

z3t4 9y ago

Idea: A web site / app where you write what you and your friends have/need, then via social-graph and match-making, you are introduced to other people via friends of friends, and on a set date you do the exchange, so you receive the apples from person A and send your oranges to person B. I used goods in this example, but it should be all but goods or money, it should be like favors, jobs, dates, fishing friend, etc.

divanvisagie 9y ago

Whenever someone gets a new app idea in our office my one colleague always asks "Can it be solved with a spreadsheet or an instant messenger?". Well I guess this comment answers that question.