you can criticize someone's work, behaviors, or ideas without leaving them feeling lousy and resentful about it Exactly. It's not a choice between being a jerk

you can criticize someone's work, behaviors, or ideas without leaving them feeling lousy and resentful about it Exactly. It's not a choice between being a jerk and handing out free passes. You can be very critical while also approaching the criticism from a "I am doing this to help you explore the issue" perspective rather than "I am doing this because I am smart and you are stupid"