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Whoa, this escalated. You're assumptions are incredibly wrong. > Whether your wife has a job or not, the odds are good that she is doing more of the house wor

Whoa, this escalated. You're assumptions are incredibly wrong. > Whether your wife has a job or not, the odds are good that she is doing more of the house work and child rearing than you are. That doesn't necessarily mean you need a bigger house, but it does mean that if she is not happy with the house, it is not a good idea to be all "meh -- not like she will divorce me over this." She works harder than I do full-time; I am at home many nights without her, with the kids, while she wins more bread. We split responsibilities quite well but she'll be the first to tell you I am an All-Star dad. I usually clean the house as I'm the neat-freak of the family, and what most people consider clean is just getting started for me. I spent the first 9 months of our first child's life at home being a semi-stay-at-home dad, rearing her almost completely as my amazing wife positioned herself into a career that helped us tremendously and really aids in our lifestyle now. We appreciate each other, but don't value one's output over another, except maybe at our places of work. We're a team and we play like one. > A good kitchen and laundry area can make the women's work vastly less burdensome. Agreed, although we upgraded these features and requests to pinpoint issue we both had, as we both split duties performed in these areas at least 50% (different areas and different weeks demand different percentages).

thatwebdude 9y ago
... Sorry I took that so personally. I understand where you're coming from; but before we started a family I decided to play a much more important role in my child's lives than just the check-writer.
- Mz 9y ago
  My email notifications do not include these two reasonable comments, but do have a really ugly personal attack against me that I am not currently finding here. I can only assume you changed your mind and deleted it. I made a good faith reply based on sketchy information, thus drew on aggregate statistics to fill in the gaps. I stand by my actual suggestions to you that it might make sense to get mediation, etc. There is nothing in my actual suggestions to you in my first reply that is ugly or any of the other things I have been accused of here. I realize this is your question and you are probably feeling like everything I have said here is thus about you. But most of what I said here was in defense due to being randomly attacked by some guy who swears he does not have baggage, yet feels perfectly fine with putting ugly words in my mouth and upping the ante with every single comment and not backing down. But instead of fussing at him for derailing your question, you chose to fuss at me. Maybe you should wonder why that is. I am only bothering to point that out to suggest that if you really want to work things out with your wife, it may help to wonder how you are coming across. Because the pattern for how this conversation went of he-said-she-said and the shit show just escalates is an all too common one. It does not build bridges. I sincerely hope you and your wife can find a way to work this out. But I am feeling quite crapped on overall here and wondering why I bother to try to build bridges, keep the peace etc. I am not your wife. Presumably you two have positive things going on as well. But this entire conversation is all too emblematic of what is wrong with the entire men vs women crap in the world today. So I plan to step out of this discussion permanently. At this point, whatever else gets said, I just don't feel any good can come of me trying to make further good faith efforts to participate and I am incredibly tired of feeling like I got shit on for the crime of being female in a majority male forum.

thatwebdude 9y ago

... Sorry I took that so personally. I understand where you're coming from; but before we started a family I decided to play a much more important role in my child's lives than just the check-writer.

Mz 9y ago
My email notifications do not include these two reasonable comments, but do have a really ugly personal attack against me that I am not currently finding here. I can only assume you changed your mind and deleted it. I made a good faith reply based on sketchy information, thus drew on aggregate statistics to fill in the gaps. I stand by my actual suggestions to you that it might make sense to get mediation, etc. There is nothing in my actual suggestions to you in my first reply that is ugly or any of the other things I have been accused of here. I realize this is your question and you are probably feeling like everything I have said here is thus about you. But most of what I said here was in defense due to being randomly attacked by some guy who swears he does not have baggage, yet feels perfectly fine with putting ugly words in my mouth and upping the ante with every single comment and not backing down. But instead of fussing at him for derailing your question, you chose to fuss at me. Maybe you should wonder why that is. I am only bothering to point that out to suggest that if you really want to work things out with your wife, it may help to wonder how you are coming across. Because the pattern for how this conversation went of he-said-she-said and the shit show just escalates is an all too common one. It does not build bridges. I sincerely hope you and your wife can find a way to work this out. But I am feeling quite crapped on overall here and wondering why I bother to try to build bridges, keep the peace etc. I am not your wife. Presumably you two have positive things going on as well. But this entire conversation is all too emblematic of what is wrong with the entire men vs women crap in the world today. So I plan to step out of this discussion permanently. At this point, whatever else gets said, I just don't feel any good can come of me trying to make further good faith efforts to participate and I am incredibly tired of feeling like I got shit on for the crime of being female in a majority male forum.