5 ms·

Implying that fundamental lack of respect for her as a human being whose opinions are equally important as her husband's in determining their lifestyle is groun

by Mz 9y ago

Implying that fundamental lack of respect for her as a human being whose opinions are equally important as her husband's in determining their lifestyle is grounds for divorce as it tends to cause all kinds of very serious problems.

soineuh 9y ago
Is not gratifying your wife's complaints about the size of her house a fundamental affront to her dignity, or is it merely settling one of the many compromises that individuals make when they choose to pool their responsibilities, energy, spirit, attention, and resources? Presumably someone winds up with a too-small house because they can't afford a bigger one. Coming to afford things in the first place usually involves purposely enduring a significant amount of discomfort. Very often two people in the same place find themselves both unhappy with circumstance, and there's no way to bring them both to paradise. That's why it pays to have someone by your side who isn't a complainer. You relieve burdens from each other not because on the whole it makes your lives objectively better in sum, but because it's easier to endure the unavoidable pains of life when you have a good human reason: Family.
J-dawg 9y ago
But what if there just isn't enough money for the bigger place? What if he doesn't enjoy being the breadwinner, and would rather live modestly and save like crazy so that he has a chance of early retirement one day? The rare occasions where women drop the facade and talk honestly about this stuff are always interesting. In spite of all the feminist rhetoric that we're exposed to these days, the truth is that women want (and often expect) a provider. >a human being whose opinions are equally important For day-to-day stuff, of course this is true. But in decisions that are largely financial (such as home ownership), the opinion of the person earning the money should probably carry more weight. Perhaps that's a controversial opinion. (And before you accuse me of sexism, I'd have the same opinion when the main breadwinner is a woman.)
- Mz 9y ago
  You are putting all kinds of words in my mouth and completely overlooking things I actually said. I see no means to engage you in good faith because this so strongly comes across as you hanging your crap on me and making no good faith effort to actually understand anything I actually said.
  - J-dawg 9y ago
    You made an interesting point about how a stay-at-home partner might have different needs and different experiences of the same living area. I can see how that would be the case. What I disagree with is the (incredibly old-fashioned) implication that a man is somehow duty-bound to provide the material things that his wife requires. I am not "hanging my crap" on anyone.
    - Mz 9y ago
      There is no point whatsoever at which I said or implied that. I did not say he must get her a bigger house. I did say that the house they currently have might be able to work for all parties, but maybe the improvements he is making are about what he likes and her needs aren't really being addressed. I did suggest he seek mediation. So, yeah, you have baggage and you are projecting all kinds of stuff onto me that I never said. If you check my blog, I encouraged my adult sons to take over the women's work in order to let them avoid getting a job and let me put more of my energy into my corporate job. I have a proven track record of being willing to be the provider for an adult man. I think it unlikely I will ever be the provider for a lover though because all evidence suggests that men almost never take over the housework proficiently when they have a woman paying their bills. Everything I have ever heard indicates they typically sit on their ass, play video games and can't be bothered to cook. She works all day and then goes home and also cooks dinner. I supported my sons because I came home and got served dinner. Most men seem incapable of really grasping that being a housewife is damn hard work and genuinely supports his career effort. An awful lot of them seem to think it is some pampered, privileged position where she sits around watching soap operas all day and eating bon bons while he busts his hump to support her in style. If you want to reread my previous remarks and engage my actual points, I am happy to talk to you. But everything you have said so far is total and complete projection of things you imagine me to believe, not anything I actually fucking said.

by Mz 9y ago

soineuh 9y ago

Is not gratifying your wife's complaints about the size of her house a fundamental affront to her dignity, or is it merely settling one of the many compromises that individuals make when they choose to pool their responsibilities, energy, spirit, attention, and resources? Presumably someone winds up with a too-small house because they can't afford a bigger one. Coming to afford things in the first place usually involves purposely enduring a significant amount of discomfort. Very often two people in the same place find themselves both unhappy with circumstance, and there's no way to bring them both to paradise. That's why it pays to have someone by your side who isn't a complainer. You relieve burdens from each other not because on the whole it makes your lives objectively better in sum, but because it's easier to endure the unavoidable pains of life when you have a good human reason: Family.

J-dawg 9y ago

But what if there just isn't enough money for the bigger place? What if he doesn't enjoy being the breadwinner, and would rather live modestly and save like crazy so that he has a chance of early retirement one day? The rare occasions where women drop the facade and talk honestly about this stuff are always interesting. In spite of all the feminist rhetoric that we're exposed to these days, the truth is that women want (and often expect) a provider. >a human being whose opinions are equally important For day-to-day stuff, of course this is true. But in decisions that are largely financial (such as home ownership), the opinion of the person earning the money should probably carry more weight. Perhaps that's a controversial opinion. (And before you accuse me of sexism, I'd have the same opinion when the main breadwinner is a woman.)

Mz 9y ago
You are putting all kinds of words in my mouth and completely overlooking things I actually said. I see no means to engage you in good faith because this so strongly comes across as you hanging your crap on me and making no good faith effort to actually understand anything I actually said.
- J-dawg 9y ago
  You made an interesting point about how a stay-at-home partner might have different needs and different experiences of the same living area. I can see how that would be the case. What I disagree with is the (incredibly old-fashioned) implication that a man is somehow duty-bound to provide the material things that his wife requires. I am not "hanging my crap" on anyone.
  - Mz 9y ago
    There is no point whatsoever at which I said or implied that. I did not say he must get her a bigger house. I did say that the house they currently have might be able to work for all parties, but maybe the improvements he is making are about what he likes and her needs aren't really being addressed. I did suggest he seek mediation. So, yeah, you have baggage and you are projecting all kinds of stuff onto me that I never said. If you check my blog, I encouraged my adult sons to take over the women's work in order to let them avoid getting a job and let me put more of my energy into my corporate job. I have a proven track record of being willing to be the provider for an adult man. I think it unlikely I will ever be the provider for a lover though because all evidence suggests that men almost never take over the housework proficiently when they have a woman paying their bills. Everything I have ever heard indicates they typically sit on their ass, play video games and can't be bothered to cook. She works all day and then goes home and also cooks dinner. I supported my sons because I came home and got served dinner. Most men seem incapable of really grasping that being a housewife is damn hard work and genuinely supports his career effort. An awful lot of them seem to think it is some pampered, privileged position where she sits around watching soap operas all day and eating bon bons while he busts his hump to support her in style. If you want to reread my previous remarks and engage my actual points, I am happy to talk to you. But everything you have said so far is total and complete projection of things you imagine me to believe, not anything I actually fucking said.