6 ms·

Training Your Brain to Be (and Stay) Happy

71 points by reimertz 9y ago

ouid 9y ago
For most people, more money does in fact correlate strongly with more happiness. Who is the audience of this piece?
- iamacynic 9y ago
  unhappy rich people.
- PaulRobinson 9y ago
  Initially, yes, but studies have shown over time you normalise and are just as unhappy as you were before you had more money. If I think of the people I know who are happy and unhappy, money isn't a great correlation factor, and I know people are borderline homeless through to millionaires - I know happy/unhappy people across capital worth and income spectrum. A better correlation for happiness is attitude and gratitude and enjoying the small things - the very things the article references.
  - it_learnses 9y ago
    Yep, from personal experience, after a certain amount of salary, my happiness level stayed the same. It would go up a bit maybe for a week or so after getting an increase, but I don't really feel happier than before even though I can travel more, and spend more.
    - ouid 9y ago
      that certain amount of salary is well above average.
      - it_learnses 9y ago
        yep absolutely. But it's way below 100k.
stupidcar 9y ago
This advice appears to boil down to "spend more time recollecting positive things and happy memories". OK, but what if you don't have anything positive going on in your life right now? What if you don't have close friends, a romantic partner, a good job, or a secure home? What if you don't have a happy memories? Perhaps you had abusive parents, or you were bullied, or you suffered a debilitating illness? Convincing middle-class college students to be a bit more cheerful by focussing on the myriad things they have to be grateful for isn't the challenge. It's helping people who have had the worst misfortune find some kind of peace.
- andrewfromx 9y ago
  right but the person who is "suffering" is missing the point. we are all suffering. When Jesus asked do you want to be saved it was a yes/no question. All these lists of reasons you can't be saved are not an answer to the yes/no question. Do you want to be happy?
- perseusprime11 9y ago
  Or simply spend more time doing things you like that make you happy. I follow this principle and I am very happy. If I do things that don't make me happy, I know why I am not happy.
- DanBC 9y ago
  You might want to look at "trees of hope". These are large murals in in-patient mental health settings. Previous patients write positive things for the current patients. These are more formally known as "discharge messages", which is part of "safe wards". Here's one version, but there are very many: http://www.dorsethealthcare.nhs.uk/WS-Dorset-HealthCare/Downloads/News%20and%20Press%20Releases/Press-Releases/2016/Dec/20161206%20Safewards%20initiative%20at%20mental%20health%20unit%20gets%20the%20Scandinavian%20thumbs%20up.pdf http://www.dorsethealthcare.nhs.uk/WS-Dorset-HealthCare/Down... http://www.safewards.net/interventions/discharge-message http://www.safewards.net/interventions/discharge-message Currently in England you have to be very severely ill to get admitted to a ward.
- loco5niner 9y ago
  Gratefulness could be as simple as "I woke up this morning", and thats something to be thankful for, because someone else, somewhere didn't. Everyone has SOMETHING positive to be grateful for, and it's certainly possible to find that thing every day.
neillyons 9y ago
"Everything turns into the everyday." -- @dhh The key to being happier is to make it part of your daily routine until it becomes habit. There is a good book called "minihabits" which explores this idea. It has really helped me. I wrote a calendar app to track my progress and motivate me not to break the chain. http://positivehabits.neillyons.io http://positivehabits.neillyons.io One of my daily habits is to "Write down one positive affirmation per day". I think it actually works. You are strengthening the connections between nerons which see positivity. You start to see more positive things in the world. (I don't know if this science is true. Just my thoughts on the matter)
sharkweek 9y ago
Want to be happy? Here's my hot tip: Don't expect to always be happy. Accept that sometimes life can be really, really hard and seemingly unfair. I think being able to handle times where our own minds/emotions seemingly turn against us is one of the most valuable skills in finding more happiness in life. It's really hard work, but sometimes it's just ok to feel shitty. Observe this feeling, recognize that it's very normal on the spectrum of human emotion, and remind yourself that it's not permanent, even if it feels that way in the moment.
- cortesoft 9y ago
  Yeah, I am always a little frustrated by the modern American conception that 'happiness' is the end goal in life. "I just want to be happy" or "I just want my kid to be happy" is a common refrain. Why is happiness everything? If you just want to 'feel good', you could start a heroin habit; you will FEEL great. But is that a satisfying and full life? I know for me personally, I might have been happier 'in the moment' five years ago, when I lived alone and got to do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. I played a lot of video games, did fun projects whenever I wanted, and had a lot of spending money from a good job. I know for me, I am never 'happier' in the moment than I am when playing video games. Even though I can't do that as much anymore, I feel much more satisfied and content with my life now than I did then. Now, I am married with a kid, and my life is way harder, more stressful, and less focused on my own happiness. However, I am way more satisfied in my life, I feel more whole, and I feel a sense of purpose that I didn't have before. Of course, I would also say I am happy, but not in that same way I was when everything I did was what I wanted to do for me. Happiness is just one part of a full life.
  - leggomylibro 9y ago
    >If you just want to 'feel good', you could start a heroin habit; you will FEEL great. But is that a satisfying and full life? I don't know, but I would facetiously guess that yes, it probably feels like it is. Until you stop being able to afford more heroin, at which point no, it absolutely would not. Kind of like driving fast; it isn't the speed that kills you, it's the sudden stop. Happiness and meaning probably look like different things to different people, though. Some people find fulfillment in offspring, sure. But I don't see how that's any different from anything else that works to assuage someone's existential malaise.
bitsoda 9y ago
CGP Grey recently posted a great video titled "7 Ways to Maximize Misery". It's worth checking out. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LO1mTELoj6o https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LO1mTELoj6o
- chaqke 9y ago
  i do almost everything on cgpgrey's list, but i don't think i'm unhappy. life is pretty good! i also do about half of the list in the article. perhaps there are just different preferences...
markvdb 9y ago
Read prof. Martin Seligman's Flourish. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martin_Seligman https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martin_Seligman
EGreg 9y ago
I think one of the keys to happiness is to just look down and see how good you have it.
- magnetic 9y ago
  That's not a bad idea provided you have it good. The challenges in finding happiness often occur for the other subset: those who don't have it that good.
andrei_says_ 9y ago
May I suggest an alternative approach? Train your mind in an attitude of equanimity toward all phenomenae. Much more practical than trying to sustain a specific phenomenon (happiness) in a constantly changing environment.
djtriptych 9y ago
As a practicing yogi, I want to say that gratitude is a great practice! It's supported not just by modern science, but ancient wisdom. Some advanced monks and yogis are able to spontaneously invoke feelings of extreme gratitude or compassion, which are now measurable in brain scans. Regarding happiness, many yoga traditions would suggest that attachment to outcomes is a major root cause of suffering. Dedicated work without attachment to outcomes is suggested to free oneself from these binds of suffering. In particular, it's stressed that even attachment to positive outcomes will lead to suffering. This, in additional to renunciation of baser desires, yoga (which I'll define here as exercise and some meditation), and finally surrender to "god" or "love" or the true self. You are not your mind and you are not your body. Realizing this, and learning to identify with the true self, and to subdue the ego, are the keys to happiness in the yogic tradition. When this happens, your happiness is less and less affected by the outside world; the yogi learns to smile through adversity and keep a level head through triumph. I imagine in the near future, hackers here and elsewhere will recognize yoga as a method to "hack" ones own tendencies, emotions, health, cognition, etc. I highly recommend it as a gesture towards happiness; I've found it to be both practical and practicable for the most part.
nandorsky 9y ago
Imagining a better future self can also have harmful effects. Reality often doesn't live up to expectations and projecting what it would feel like to have or be something gives us some of the enjoyment of being that before we actually achieve. Furthermore, when our ideal of what something should doesn't live up to what it is, the gap creates unhappiness.
davidgh 9y ago
I spent a significant amount of time in Russia in late 90s. At the time the economic situation was quite bad for most - leaving many to wonder how to provide the most basic essentials for themselves and their families. I learned that in these situations that if basic human needs are not being met, it is very hard for someone to experience "happiness". Two things I observed: - Happiness and peace are not the same thing. Many of the good people I talked to would not claim any measure of happiness. But many had hope that tomorrow would be better, and gratitude for what they did have (which most often revolved around their relationships with others). This brought an element of "peace" that perhaps the future would be better than the present in spite of very difficult circumstances. - At that time in my life, my own resources were quite limited but I had no worry that I would go hungry or cold. I didn't have a mountain of money, truckloads of food or all the answers. But I could see that my efforts to show sincere concern for people, to be a friend with a soft shoulder, to help with basic necessities as I was able, etc. helped these individuals increase their own hope, gratitude and peace. And that brought me tremendous happiness. I'm not in a great position to tell someone else what to do to be happy. But I can assert from my own experience that I receive much happiness when I step out of myself and involve myself in things that help lighten the load of others. I've also tried to distinguish between "pleasure" and "happiness". I think most of us have seen examples of people that have lives full of pleasure but devoid of happiness, and yet we still believe that our own happiness is the sum of self-directed pleasure. It seems to me that pleasure can contribute to happiness, but the foundation of happiness must be something more substantial.

71 points by reimertz 9y ago

ouid 9y ago

For most people, more money does in fact correlate strongly with more happiness. Who is the audience of this piece?

iamacynic 9y ago
unhappy rich people.
PaulRobinson 9y ago
Initially, yes, but studies have shown over time you normalise and are just as unhappy as you were before you had more money. If I think of the people I know who are happy and unhappy, money isn't a great correlation factor, and I know people are borderline homeless through to millionaires - I know happy/unhappy people across capital worth and income spectrum. A better correlation for happiness is attitude and gratitude and enjoying the small things - the very things the article references.
- it_learnses 9y ago
  Yep, from personal experience, after a certain amount of salary, my happiness level stayed the same. It would go up a bit maybe for a week or so after getting an increase, but I don't really feel happier than before even though I can travel more, and spend more.
  - ouid 9y ago
    that certain amount of salary is well above average.
    - it_learnses 9y ago
      yep absolutely. But it's way below 100k.

stupidcar 9y ago

This advice appears to boil down to "spend more time recollecting positive things and happy memories". OK, but what if you don't have anything positive going on in your life right now? What if you don't have close friends, a romantic partner, a good job, or a secure home? What if you don't have a happy memories? Perhaps you had abusive parents, or you were bullied, or you suffered a debilitating illness? Convincing middle-class college students to be a bit more cheerful by focussing on the myriad things they have to be grateful for isn't the challenge. It's helping people who have had the worst misfortune find some kind of peace.

andrewfromx 9y ago
right but the person who is "suffering" is missing the point. we are all suffering. When Jesus asked do you want to be saved it was a yes/no question. All these lists of reasons you can't be saved are not an answer to the yes/no question. Do you want to be happy?
perseusprime11 9y ago
Or simply spend more time doing things you like that make you happy. I follow this principle and I am very happy. If I do things that don't make me happy, I know why I am not happy.
DanBC 9y ago
You might want to look at "trees of hope". These are large murals in in-patient mental health settings. Previous patients write positive things for the current patients. These are more formally known as "discharge messages", which is part of "safe wards". Here's one version, but there are very many: http://www.dorsethealthcare.nhs.uk/WS-Dorset-HealthCare/Downloads/News%20and%20Press%20Releases/Press-Releases/2016/Dec/20161206%20Safewards%20initiative%20at%20mental%20health%20unit%20gets%20the%20Scandinavian%20thumbs%20up.pdf http://www.dorsethealthcare.nhs.uk/WS-Dorset-HealthCare/Down... http://www.safewards.net/interventions/discharge-message http://www.safewards.net/interventions/discharge-message Currently in England you have to be very severely ill to get admitted to a ward.
loco5niner 9y ago
Gratefulness could be as simple as "I woke up this morning", and thats something to be thankful for, because someone else, somewhere didn't. Everyone has SOMETHING positive to be grateful for, and it's certainly possible to find that thing every day.

neillyons 9y ago

"Everything turns into the everyday." -- @dhh The key to being happier is to make it part of your daily routine until it becomes habit. There is a good book called "minihabits" which explores this idea. It has really helped me. I wrote a calendar app to track my progress and motivate me not to break the chain. http://positivehabits.neillyons.io http://positivehabits.neillyons.io One of my daily habits is to "Write down one positive affirmation per day". I think it actually works. You are strengthening the connections between nerons which see positivity. You start to see more positive things in the world. (I don't know if this science is true. Just my thoughts on the matter)

sharkweek 9y ago

Want to be happy? Here's my hot tip: Don't expect to always be happy. Accept that sometimes life can be really, really hard and seemingly unfair. I think being able to handle times where our own minds/emotions seemingly turn against us is one of the most valuable skills in finding more happiness in life. It's really hard work, but sometimes it's just ok to feel shitty. Observe this feeling, recognize that it's very normal on the spectrum of human emotion, and remind yourself that it's not permanent, even if it feels that way in the moment.

cortesoft 9y ago
Yeah, I am always a little frustrated by the modern American conception that 'happiness' is the end goal in life. "I just want to be happy" or "I just want my kid to be happy" is a common refrain. Why is happiness everything? If you just want to 'feel good', you could start a heroin habit; you will FEEL great. But is that a satisfying and full life? I know for me personally, I might have been happier 'in the moment' five years ago, when I lived alone and got to do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. I played a lot of video games, did fun projects whenever I wanted, and had a lot of spending money from a good job. I know for me, I am never 'happier' in the moment than I am when playing video games. Even though I can't do that as much anymore, I feel much more satisfied and content with my life now than I did then. Now, I am married with a kid, and my life is way harder, more stressful, and less focused on my own happiness. However, I am way more satisfied in my life, I feel more whole, and I feel a sense of purpose that I didn't have before. Of course, I would also say I am happy, but not in that same way I was when everything I did was what I wanted to do for me. Happiness is just one part of a full life.
- leggomylibro 9y ago
  >If you just want to 'feel good', you could start a heroin habit; you will FEEL great. But is that a satisfying and full life? I don't know, but I would facetiously guess that yes, it probably feels like it is. Until you stop being able to afford more heroin, at which point no, it absolutely would not. Kind of like driving fast; it isn't the speed that kills you, it's the sudden stop. Happiness and meaning probably look like different things to different people, though. Some people find fulfillment in offspring, sure. But I don't see how that's any different from anything else that works to assuage someone's existential malaise.

bitsoda 9y ago

CGP Grey recently posted a great video titled "7 Ways to Maximize Misery". It's worth checking out. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LO1mTELoj6o https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LO1mTELoj6o

chaqke 9y ago
i do almost everything on cgpgrey's list, but i don't think i'm unhappy. life is pretty good! i also do about half of the list in the article. perhaps there are just different preferences...

markvdb 9y ago

Read prof. Martin Seligman's Flourish. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martin_Seligman https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martin_Seligman

EGreg 9y ago

I think one of the keys to happiness is to just look down and see how good you have it.

magnetic 9y ago
That's not a bad idea provided you have it good. The challenges in finding happiness often occur for the other subset: those who don't have it that good.

andrei_says_ 9y ago

May I suggest an alternative approach? Train your mind in an attitude of equanimity toward all phenomenae. Much more practical than trying to sustain a specific phenomenon (happiness) in a constantly changing environment.

djtriptych 9y ago

As a practicing yogi, I want to say that gratitude is a great practice! It's supported not just by modern science, but ancient wisdom. Some advanced monks and yogis are able to spontaneously invoke feelings of extreme gratitude or compassion, which are now measurable in brain scans. Regarding happiness, many yoga traditions would suggest that attachment to outcomes is a major root cause of suffering. Dedicated work without attachment to outcomes is suggested to free oneself from these binds of suffering. In particular, it's stressed that even attachment to positive outcomes will lead to suffering. This, in additional to renunciation of baser desires, yoga (which I'll define here as exercise and some meditation), and finally surrender to "god" or "love" or the true self. You are not your mind and you are not your body. Realizing this, and learning to identify with the true self, and to subdue the ego, are the keys to happiness in the yogic tradition. When this happens, your happiness is less and less affected by the outside world; the yogi learns to smile through adversity and keep a level head through triumph. I imagine in the near future, hackers here and elsewhere will recognize yoga as a method to "hack" ones own tendencies, emotions, health, cognition, etc. I highly recommend it as a gesture towards happiness; I've found it to be both practical and practicable for the most part.

nandorsky 9y ago

Imagining a better future self can also have harmful effects. Reality often doesn't live up to expectations and projecting what it would feel like to have or be something gives us some of the enjoyment of being that before we actually achieve. Furthermore, when our ideal of what something should doesn't live up to what it is, the gap creates unhappiness.

davidgh 9y ago

I spent a significant amount of time in Russia in late 90s. At the time the economic situation was quite bad for most - leaving many to wonder how to provide the most basic essentials for themselves and their families. I learned that in these situations that if basic human needs are not being met, it is very hard for someone to experience "happiness". Two things I observed: - Happiness and peace are not the same thing. Many of the good people I talked to would not claim any measure of happiness. But many had hope that tomorrow would be better, and gratitude for what they did have (which most often revolved around their relationships with others). This brought an element of "peace" that perhaps the future would be better than the present in spite of very difficult circumstances. - At that time in my life, my own resources were quite limited but I had no worry that I would go hungry or cold. I didn't have a mountain of money, truckloads of food or all the answers. But I could see that my efforts to show sincere concern for people, to be a friend with a soft shoulder, to help with basic necessities as I was able, etc. helped these individuals increase their own hope, gratitude and peace. And that brought me tremendous happiness. I'm not in a great position to tell someone else what to do to be happy. But I can assert from my own experience that I receive much happiness when I step out of myself and involve myself in things that help lighten the load of others. I've also tried to distinguish between "pleasure" and "happiness". I think most of us have seen examples of people that have lives full of pleasure but devoid of happiness, and yet we still believe that our own happiness is the sum of self-directed pleasure. It seems to me that pleasure can contribute to happiness, but the foundation of happiness must be something more substantial.