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This is a fantastic article. How many people are aware of this distinction, and the idea that you have to be comfortable with who someone really is rather than

This is a fantastic article. How many people are aware of this distinction, and the idea that you have to be comfortable with who someone really is rather than your vision of them? Hopefully it's rather high :-/

ardit33 16y ago
I had no clue until about a year and half ago. I had that intense limerence feeling, (with alll the irrationality walking in the sky when I saw her type of thing). It is intense. BUT when I was scrutinizing that person closely I knew that she was somebody that I knew wasn't right for me (in the long term anyways). So, something was wrong with my primitive instinct lying to me to be attracted to this person a lot, while the rational side was saying that this is not right, especially when scrutinizing/imagine the future. I eventually found the term, and looked at it closely. Sadly I could describe my two other 'loves' of my life (or what I thought was the feeling of love then), as simple limerence. :( But I guess, the shattering of an illusion is a price you pay for maturing up.
- endlessvoid94 16y ago
  Yeah, otherwise known as "disillusionment" I guess.
  - keefe 16y ago
    It's called growing up. Real love is something that grows and the article would have done well to just use the word "crush" because that's what it is describing. Crushes can grow into love, but clearly don't have to.
sliverstorm 16y ago
Not nearly enough people. I do suspect though some basic common sense can occasionally save people, including those who know nothing about the concept. For example, I have experienced limerence with several women who were completely untenable. The primary example was deep into recreational drugs, and my basic sensibilities knew enough to fight back. I WANTED to do something, but I didn't even have to engage my higher brain and think about it to know it was a bad idea. Only problem is that limerence is over 3 years old and still not dead.
jfriedly 16y ago
I have understood the difference between love and limerence for a while now, but never quite grasped the idea that we need to enjoy the real person instead of our own fantastical vision of who they are. My understanding of the distinction between forms of love comes from examining the four Greek words for love, where philia is compassionate love and eros is limerence, but this hadn't led to enough insight for me to see past the "angel" form and become comfortable with the real person. As a high schooler and having only experienced limerence once, I think that if I can figure out the distinction then most of my peers can too, but that's not to say that we don't still frequently fall in love with a vision or fervently believe that this love can last forever.

ardit33 16y ago

I had no clue until about a year and half ago. I had that intense limerence feeling, (with alll the irrationality walking in the sky when I saw her type of thing). It is intense. BUT when I was scrutinizing that person closely I knew that she was somebody that I knew wasn't right for me (in the long term anyways). So, something was wrong with my primitive instinct lying to me to be attracted to this person a lot, while the rational side was saying that this is not right, especially when scrutinizing/imagine the future. I eventually found the term, and looked at it closely. Sadly I could describe my two other 'loves' of my life (or what I thought was the feeling of love then), as simple limerence. :( But I guess, the shattering of an illusion is a price you pay for maturing up.

endlessvoid94 16y ago
Yeah, otherwise known as "disillusionment" I guess.
- keefe 16y ago
  It's called growing up. Real love is something that grows and the article would have done well to just use the word "crush" because that's what it is describing. Crushes can grow into love, but clearly don't have to.

sliverstorm 16y ago

Not nearly enough people. I do suspect though some basic common sense can occasionally save people, including those who know nothing about the concept. For example, I have experienced limerence with several women who were completely untenable. The primary example was deep into recreational drugs, and my basic sensibilities knew enough to fight back. I WANTED to do something, but I didn't even have to engage my higher brain and think about it to know it was a bad idea. Only problem is that limerence is over 3 years old and still not dead.

jfriedly 16y ago

I have understood the difference between love and limerence for a while now, but never quite grasped the idea that we need to enjoy the real person instead of our own fantastical vision of who they are. My understanding of the distinction between forms of love comes from examining the four Greek words for love, where philia is compassionate love and eros is limerence, but this hadn't led to enough insight for me to see past the "angel" form and become comfortable with the real person. As a high schooler and having only experienced limerence once, I think that if I can figure out the distinction then most of my peers can too, but that's not to say that we don't still frequently fall in love with a vision or fervently believe that this love can last forever.