> Maybe it would be better if we collectively decided not to manipulate each other, even if we think that we know best. Yes it would but it's not going to happ

> Maybe it would be better if we collectively decided not to manipulate each other, even if we think that we know best. Yes it would but it's not going to happen. I don't like manipulating people and thus my default is to be as unintrusive as possible at first but this seldom leads to success. For instance, if your friend agreed with you to have a phone call soon and you write an e-mail asking what date would suit him/her then it happens more often than not that they delay their response or even forget to answer. If, otoh, you write an e-mail: "Is is okay if I ring you at 8 p.m tonight?" then they feel more pressure to answer you and maybe even agree with your date. Of course, they don't have to. It would be perfectly fine to answer: "No, tonight is not good and I am not sure when I am going to have time." But most people aren't that free. If you give them a range of choices, chances are they are going to pick one instead of offering a counter proposal. If you don't offer choices it is very likely that nothing is going to happen. A loose-loose situation (in this example: both of you want to talk but no date is being agreed upon and thus no call) is more likely to happen.