6 ms·

Looks like nice work. I think. I couldn't find the details and didn't want to spend the full 15 minutes reading. This style of writing is very frustrating.

Looks like nice work. I think. I couldn't find the details and didn't want to spend the full 15 minutes reading. This style of writing is very frustrating. 1. Introduction. We set up for something dramatic. In this case, a Parkinson's sufferer is about to see her life changed. In another recent story, a maternity nurse is about to birth her first child, and we were teased she would die after giving birth. Now we're at the moment of truth. All we have to do is... 2. CUT TO BACKSTORY. When X and Y first met in 1997, they were first drawn to each other by a shared love of whatever. Eventually, their travels led them to find out... 3. DEEP BACKSTORY. When X was 9 years old, she found a thing that immediately interested her. She kept at it because... 4. FAMILY BACKSTORY. Her grandfather fought in WWII/Korea/Vietnam for the US/British/Japanese/Australian army, and he tinkered on the side in whatever endeavor X would go on to work in... 5. MAIN TOPIC. And we get a paragraph or two of what we originally were interested in reading about, but not before... 6. CUT TO ORIGINAL BACKSTORY. Flesh it out a bit more. Finish it out. College, grad school, first job, moved across the country, landed current job. And now, finally... 7. NOT SO FAST. Let's finish out the grandfather's story, and his reaction when he learned what X was working on. Ok, now... 8. BACK TO THE ORIGINAL STORY ITSELF. And we get the five last paragraphs, which could just be joined with the first 3 paragraphs to tell the entire story. But then we woudn't hit our word count. I just wanted to learn how this bracelet works. With that other article, I just wanted to know how the nurse died. Do I need to be teased for 27 paragraphs?

wavefunction 9y ago
Couldn't you just search for "Microsoft"+"watch"+"Parkinson's" and spend, let's say, two minutes selecting a "just the facts" article? You probably spent those two minutes writing your post.
- khazhoux 9y ago
  I spent about 10 minutes writing my post and it was very cathartic. The article is teasing the reader. It could have easily explained the basics of the device in one or two sentences at the top. The two main questions the reader has are "Does this work?" and "How does this work?" The writer is just being cute by not getting those answers out of the way.
  - giancarlostoro 9y ago
    Because I felt the same and wound up looking up another article here's one that does precisely that: https://www.fastcompany.com/3066610/how-a-vibrating-watch-helped-this-graphic-designer-with-parkinsons-draw-again https://www.fastcompany.com/3066610/how-a-vibrating-watch-he... > A new watch-like device has changed that: Strapped on Lawton’s wrist, it counteracts the tremors through vibration.
  - grzm 9y ago
    Different journalistic styles appeal to different people. If this one didn't appeal to you, that's perfectly fine. To figure out why it didn't appeal to you, and why you personally find it frustrating, that's great, and a good exercise in critical thinking, literary analysis, and self examination. That said, there's a key difference between "This style of writing is very frustrating." and "I find this style of writing very frustrating." From reading other comments in this thread, the story appealed to them. What comes across to you as "the writer … just being cute" is engaging writing to others. As currently written, your critical analysis of why you find the journalistic style frustrating comes off as a rant, which doesn't contribute constructively to discussion on HN.
    - khazhoux 9y ago
      No, my post wasn't self-examination. I stated my opinion about the very low signal-to-noise ratio in this article. It's so uninformative, the article itself barely contributes to discussion on HN. The article was tech-bait.
    - enobrev 9y ago
      I agree with the gist of your reply. Different strokes, and so on. But I also found khazhoux's comment quite useful. Also, your comment seems to try to differentiate as to whether an opinion should begin with "I think" (specifically, "I find"), which is a suggestion of poor writing form. Had you followed your own advice, your last sentence might read "As currently written, your critical analysis of why you find the journalistic style frustrating comes off as a rant, which ^I don't feel contributes^ constructively to discussion on HN." I think you'll agree that those words are as wasteful here as they would have been in khazhoux's comment.
- wordupmaking 9y ago
  I'm glad they took the time to write down what I was thinking while reading the article. > You probably spent those two minutes writing your post. Let's spent two years linking to that comment under every article it applies to. Why not give us what we were baited with, and then put more backstory below for those interested? Instead it's just a jumbled mess, paragraphs just jumping all over the place.
nerdponx 9y ago
This is classic longform journalism writing, and it's the reason why I don't like longform journalism. I wish they'd give me an abstract -- not having article summaries is the reason I never found any "good" magazine worth the money. Imagine so
- Angostura 9y ago
  It's really not. Longform journalism can be readable and not irritating, but you have to be a talented writer to pull it off. In addition the subject of the story has to be suitable. Here the talent is lacking and the subject doesnt fit the long-story treatmnent.
- ekianjo 9y ago
  This is not a problem with "longform" writing, it's just a problem of poor writing.
- chongli 9y ago
  No. This is a bait-and-switch masquerading as good long form journalism. The bait in this case was the technology. The switch was the backstory. Proper long form journalism does not engage in this sort of dishonest writing. The story you came to read is introduced at the beginning and every paragraph afterward serves to build up what you want to know. Kinda like a novel!
jakobegger 9y ago
And with all that back story, they didn't even answer the most important question: WHERE DID THE IDEA COME FROM? How did the engineer know to she had to build a vibrating wristband?
- dclowd9901 9y ago
  Probably from that vibrating spoon idea. https://www.liftware.com https://www.liftware.com
  - birdman3131 9y ago
    I was always under the impression that the spoon did not vibrate but instead moved opposite of the direction of the tremors. Kinda like a steadycam for a camera.
    - jedimastert 9y ago
      The prototype actually was just the mechanism for a camera stablizer, just with spoon attached. Not actually a steady cam though, as those are just passive inertia-based gimbals on springs.
ricardobeat 9y ago
Surely you could have read the whole thing in the time it took for you to write this? Why even bother?
- deleted 9y ago
  [deleted]
- ekianjo 9y ago
  Feedback is a gift.
Waterluvian 9y ago
I read a long winded essay on the filming of Blues Brothers. It was a perfect writing style because the message was found in the layers of anecdotes and details. When I want to learn facts, I want to read something structured like a 9th grade essay.
- ghvknvgvh 9y ago
  Link?
snvzz 9y ago
You got that far? Congrats. I couldn't stand it. After the introduction, I started scrolling, saw the general structure and just closed it. It was the most unpleasant text I looked at in a very long time.
seltzered_ 9y ago
There's a video embedded which does a decent job: https://youtu.be/k9Rm-U9havE https://youtu.be/k9Rm-U9havE

wavefunction 9y ago

Couldn't you just search for "Microsoft"+"watch"+"Parkinson's" and spend, let's say, two minutes selecting a "just the facts" article? You probably spent those two minutes writing your post.

khazhoux 9y ago
I spent about 10 minutes writing my post and it was very cathartic. The article is teasing the reader. It could have easily explained the basics of the device in one or two sentences at the top. The two main questions the reader has are "Does this work?" and "How does this work?" The writer is just being cute by not getting those answers out of the way.
- giancarlostoro 9y ago
  Because I felt the same and wound up looking up another article here's one that does precisely that: https://www.fastcompany.com/3066610/how-a-vibrating-watch-helped-this-graphic-designer-with-parkinsons-draw-again https://www.fastcompany.com/3066610/how-a-vibrating-watch-he... > A new watch-like device has changed that: Strapped on Lawton’s wrist, it counteracts the tremors through vibration.
- grzm 9y ago
  Different journalistic styles appeal to different people. If this one didn't appeal to you, that's perfectly fine. To figure out why it didn't appeal to you, and why you personally find it frustrating, that's great, and a good exercise in critical thinking, literary analysis, and self examination. That said, there's a key difference between "This style of writing is very frustrating." and "I find this style of writing very frustrating." From reading other comments in this thread, the story appealed to them. What comes across to you as "the writer … just being cute" is engaging writing to others. As currently written, your critical analysis of why you find the journalistic style frustrating comes off as a rant, which doesn't contribute constructively to discussion on HN.
  - khazhoux 9y ago
    No, my post wasn't self-examination. I stated my opinion about the very low signal-to-noise ratio in this article. It's so uninformative, the article itself barely contributes to discussion on HN. The article was tech-bait.
  - enobrev 9y ago
    I agree with the gist of your reply. Different strokes, and so on. But I also found khazhoux's comment quite useful. Also, your comment seems to try to differentiate as to whether an opinion should begin with "I think" (specifically, "I find"), which is a suggestion of poor writing form. Had you followed your own advice, your last sentence might read "As currently written, your critical analysis of why you find the journalistic style frustrating comes off as a rant, which ^I don't feel contributes^ constructively to discussion on HN." I think you'll agree that those words are as wasteful here as they would have been in khazhoux's comment.
wordupmaking 9y ago
I'm glad they took the time to write down what I was thinking while reading the article. > You probably spent those two minutes writing your post. Let's spent two years linking to that comment under every article it applies to. Why not give us what we were baited with, and then put more backstory below for those interested? Instead it's just a jumbled mess, paragraphs just jumping all over the place.

nerdponx 9y ago

This is classic longform journalism writing, and it's the reason why I don't like longform journalism. I wish they'd give me an abstract -- not having article summaries is the reason I never found any "good" magazine worth the money. Imagine so

Angostura 9y ago
It's really not. Longform journalism can be readable and not irritating, but you have to be a talented writer to pull it off. In addition the subject of the story has to be suitable. Here the talent is lacking and the subject doesnt fit the long-story treatmnent.
ekianjo 9y ago
This is not a problem with "longform" writing, it's just a problem of poor writing.
chongli 9y ago
No. This is a bait-and-switch masquerading as good long form journalism. The bait in this case was the technology. The switch was the backstory. Proper long form journalism does not engage in this sort of dishonest writing. The story you came to read is introduced at the beginning and every paragraph afterward serves to build up what you want to know. Kinda like a novel!

jakobegger 9y ago

And with all that back story, they didn't even answer the most important question: WHERE DID THE IDEA COME FROM? How did the engineer know to she had to build a vibrating wristband?

dclowd9901 9y ago
Probably from that vibrating spoon idea. https://www.liftware.com https://www.liftware.com
- birdman3131 9y ago
  I was always under the impression that the spoon did not vibrate but instead moved opposite of the direction of the tremors. Kinda like a steadycam for a camera.
  - jedimastert 9y ago
    The prototype actually was just the mechanism for a camera stablizer, just with spoon attached. Not actually a steady cam though, as those are just passive inertia-based gimbals on springs.

ricardobeat 9y ago

Surely you could have read the whole thing in the time it took for you to write this? Why even bother?

deleted 9y ago
[deleted]
ekianjo 9y ago
Feedback is a gift.

Waterluvian 9y ago

I read a long winded essay on the filming of Blues Brothers. It was a perfect writing style because the message was found in the layers of anecdotes and details. When I want to learn facts, I want to read something structured like a 9th grade essay.

ghvknvgvh 9y ago
Link?

snvzz 9y ago

You got that far? Congrats. I couldn't stand it. After the introduction, I started scrolling, saw the general structure and just closed it. It was the most unpleasant text I looked at in a very long time.

seltzered_ 9y ago

There's a video embedded which does a decent job: https://youtu.be/k9Rm-U9havE https://youtu.be/k9Rm-U9havE