11 ms·

Patent Application: Full body teleportation system (2006)

34 points by gee_totes 9y ago

pwg 9y ago
Title needs to be changed. This is not a patent. This is a publication of a patent application. Note the metadata field on the google patents page: Publication type Application
- sctb 9y ago
  Thank you! We've updated the title.
- Animats 9y ago
  Right, it's an application. You can send the USPTO anything you want, if you pay the application fee. In the USPTO's Public PAIR system, the detailed history of the application, with images of all the documents, is available. The response from the USPTO was a "non-final rejection". The rejection starts out with "An examination of this application indicates that applicant is unfamiliar with patent prosecution procedure", and then includes a FAQ the USPTO sends to the clueless. After that, the examiner writes "The invention is not supported by a credible utility or well-established utility because the claims call for the generation of gravitational waves and and the interacting of the waves with hyperspace ... The use of hyperspace and gravitational waves in the claims therefore must be backed up with significant scientific and experimental data ... (applicant must prove) ... that the applicant has the ability to harness such interaction for a useful purpose and demonstrate it on demand." The applicant never replied to that, so, six months later, the application was rejected for failure to reply to an office action. The applicant does not get his application fee of $770 back. Trolling the patent office is expensive. The USPTO did exactly what they should have done. They took the application seriously, and sent the applicant a non-final rejection requiring proof that it worked. The applicant then gave up. Nine years later, the applicant sent in a notice of assignment, reporting the sale of the (nonexistent) patent rights to someone in Bakersfield, CA, for $5. This was filed incorrectly, but the USPTO scanned it in and put it in the database.
6d6b73 9y ago
While I suspect that the device in question does not work as advertised, I think this patent application has more merit than 99% of software patents nowadays.
- techman9 9y ago
  What on earth would make you suspect that the device does not work as described?
  - s0rce 9y ago
    I'm sure it works, just need to get the gravity wave generator working right :) "generating a pulsed gravitational wave which propagates through a magnetic vortex wormhole generator; and generating a wormhole with the magnetic vortex generator whereby the pulsed gravitational wave traverses through the wormhole and enters into hyperspace where the wave is enormously magnified due to the lower speed of light in that dimension"
  - Nekorosu 9y ago
    "The low-density energy fills the body which allows a human being to float upwards like a helium balloon as verified by Chi Kung breathing as well as spinning on a motorized platform known as the Chakra Vortex Accelerator. The latter device resulted in the first mechanical means to produce anti-gravity." Seems totally legit.
nkrisc 9y ago
You teleport by breathing. Can't tell if they believe it or it's all a joke.
- YeGoblynQueenne 9y ago
  You levitate by breathing. You teleport by pulsed gravitational wave.
  - nkrisc 9y ago
    Of course, silly me. I misunderstood the genius here.
colept 9y ago
Teleportation is one of those technologies I would never use even if it was bullet proof. There would be no way to determine if your consciousness persists - such that the same "you" is the same connection on both sides. Even if it looks like you, acts like you - it would shatter the foundation for what it means to be conscious.
- trsohmers 9y ago
  I really don't understand why people get hung up on this (with the assumption of the impossible guarantee that it is 100% safe, or "bullet proof" as you put it). I am perfectly fine with a Prestige/Star Trek transporter, as long as it is a perfect copy, I don't really care if it is the "original" meatsack or the 100th... all I would want is to make sure the original dies quickly and painlessly (preferably after it is confirmed the copy was transported safely).
  - lotsoflumens 9y ago
    The irony, as I see it, is that immediately after the transfer, the "you" that doesn't get transported might still be aware of your surroundings and understand completely what "your" fate will soon be (killed quickly). That would require an enormous amount of bravery and belief in the technology.
    - orbitingpluto 9y ago
      Your comment reminded me of a old Outer Limits episode, "Think Like A Dinosaur" where the teleportation "equation had to be balanced." After a delayed confirmation, the technician had to kill the original woman. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Think_Like_a_Dinosaur_(The_Outer_Limits) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Think_Like_a_Dinosaur_(The_Out...
      - lotsoflumens 9y ago
        That was a great show - but I haven't seen that episode. Maybe Netflix will revive it someday.
kenny87 9y ago
This guy is perhaps the 21st Century's most important inventor, http://zapatopi.net/blog/?post=200604284330.st_clair_hyperinventor http://zapatopi.net/blog/?post=200604284330.st_clair_hyperin...
- ChuckMcM 9y ago
  Heh, quite the record of applications.
edko 9y ago
Honest question: this patent application mentions "hyperspace". Does such thing exist, or is it just science fiction?
- rwallace 9y ago
  Just science fiction, as far as we know.
- zardo 9y ago
  It's the 19th century term for spaces with dimension > 3. But... its just techno-babble now. http://news.psu.edu/story/141406/1995/12/01/research/deflating-hyperspace http://news.psu.edu/story/141406/1995/12/01/research/deflati...
Aliyekta 9y ago
2004!
boolint 9y ago
"Using this generator, it was found that smoke blown through one side of the coil does not appear on the other side of cylindrical coil. The smoke flows through the wormhole and appears in a hyperspace co-dimension. It was this experiment that resulted in making first contact with the androids of the Grey aliens who told me, in a remote viewing session, that 'We saw you blowing smoke into hyperspace.'"
- dmix 9y ago
  Well he is quite the expert: > It took a number of days in order to understand this sequence of events. The explanation involves knowledge of a wide range of subjects such as gravitation physics, hyperspace physics, wormhole electromagnetic theory and experimentation, quantum physics, and the nature of the human energy field.
PatrickAuld 9y ago
If you put "It was/is obvious" in a patent application, regardless if it involves hyperspace or not, the USPO should reject it outright.
dmix 9y ago
Instead of giving him a patent, the patent office should be referring him to a doctor given the fact he is temporarily blacking out while walking down streets: > In the next instance, he (G) found himself down the street near the corner of the next block. Realizing that he had passed the bus stop, he turned around to see the iron grating approximately 50 meters up the street in back of him. Because there was no recollection of having jumped across the iron grating nor of having passed the bus stop's yellow marker line, he realized that he had been teleported a distance of 100 meters while moving along with the traveling wave. Although you have to give him credit for mixing physics, geometry, with new age pseudo-science babble: > The question is how does this amplified gravitational wave created by the rotating propellers and turbines get into hyperspace from our dimension? > The answer comes from experiments done using the ancient Chinese form of breathing known as Chi Kung. Using this breathing technique, we have been able to levitate the human body over six feet in the air. The internal temperature of the stomach is around 200 degrees Fahrenheit. By simultaneously squeezing the diaphragm to bring hot air up through the lungs, and breathing through the nose to bring cold air down, rotating vortices are generated in the lung passages when these two air masses meet and twist around each other as depicted in the famous Yin-Yang diagram. Because the lung has variable diameter passages from the large diameter at the throat to the final small air sacs, there is a spectrum of rotating frequencies. From which he jumps to this sentence: > From quantum physics it is known that if there is a temperature fluctuation occurring among a group of harmonic oscillators in the environment, then Planck's reduced constant Figure US20060071122A1-20060406-P00900 is increased by the cotangent of the constant times the frequency ω of the oscillator divided by twice Boltzmann's constant k times the temperature T ℏ = ℏ ⁢ ⁢ coth ⁡ ( ℏω n 2 ⁢ kT ) But really, who needs black holes when you have breathing?
- YeGoblynQueenne 9y ago
  >> Instead of giving him a patent, the patent office should be referring him to a doctor given the fact he is temporarily blacking out while walking down streets: That's probably because of all the, um, "blowing smoke into hyperspace".
cbisnett 9y ago
A friend of my wife's worked at the USPTO for a few years as a mechanical engineer reviewing patent applications. He said they would regularly get applications for time travel machines and perpetual motion machines and they would have to spend a bunch of time writing up why it was rejected. It was a right of passage usually reserved for the new guy ;)
azeemsola 9y ago
This might sound crazy, but one time, I met a shirtless homeless man in denver that purported to be John Quincy St. Clair. He had quite the ability to talk about the patents.
andrewhubbs 9y ago
This is a pretty great comic that deals with this exact debate. http://existentialcomics.com/comic/1 http://existentialcomics.com/comic/1

34 points by gee_totes 9y ago

pwg 9y ago

Title needs to be changed. This is not a patent. This is a publication of a patent application. Note the metadata field on the google patents page: Publication type Application

sctb 9y ago
Thank you! We've updated the title.
Animats 9y ago
Right, it's an application. You can send the USPTO anything you want, if you pay the application fee. In the USPTO's Public PAIR system, the detailed history of the application, with images of all the documents, is available. The response from the USPTO was a "non-final rejection". The rejection starts out with "An examination of this application indicates that applicant is unfamiliar with patent prosecution procedure", and then includes a FAQ the USPTO sends to the clueless. After that, the examiner writes "The invention is not supported by a credible utility or well-established utility because the claims call for the generation of gravitational waves and and the interacting of the waves with hyperspace ... The use of hyperspace and gravitational waves in the claims therefore must be backed up with significant scientific and experimental data ... (applicant must prove) ... that the applicant has the ability to harness such interaction for a useful purpose and demonstrate it on demand." The applicant never replied to that, so, six months later, the application was rejected for failure to reply to an office action. The applicant does not get his application fee of $770 back. Trolling the patent office is expensive. The USPTO did exactly what they should have done. They took the application seriously, and sent the applicant a non-final rejection requiring proof that it worked. The applicant then gave up. Nine years later, the applicant sent in a notice of assignment, reporting the sale of the (nonexistent) patent rights to someone in Bakersfield, CA, for $5. This was filed incorrectly, but the USPTO scanned it in and put it in the database.

6d6b73 9y ago

While I suspect that the device in question does not work as advertised, I think this patent application has more merit than 99% of software patents nowadays.

techman9 9y ago
What on earth would make you suspect that the device does not work as described?
- s0rce 9y ago
  I'm sure it works, just need to get the gravity wave generator working right :) "generating a pulsed gravitational wave which propagates through a magnetic vortex wormhole generator; and generating a wormhole with the magnetic vortex generator whereby the pulsed gravitational wave traverses through the wormhole and enters into hyperspace where the wave is enormously magnified due to the lower speed of light in that dimension"
- Nekorosu 9y ago
  "The low-density energy fills the body which allows a human being to float upwards like a helium balloon as verified by Chi Kung breathing as well as spinning on a motorized platform known as the Chakra Vortex Accelerator. The latter device resulted in the first mechanical means to produce anti-gravity." Seems totally legit.

nkrisc 9y ago

You teleport by breathing. Can't tell if they believe it or it's all a joke.

YeGoblynQueenne 9y ago
You levitate by breathing. You teleport by pulsed gravitational wave.
- nkrisc 9y ago
  Of course, silly me. I misunderstood the genius here.

colept 9y ago

Teleportation is one of those technologies I would never use even if it was bullet proof. There would be no way to determine if your consciousness persists - such that the same "you" is the same connection on both sides. Even if it looks like you, acts like you - it would shatter the foundation for what it means to be conscious.

trsohmers 9y ago
I really don't understand why people get hung up on this (with the assumption of the impossible guarantee that it is 100% safe, or "bullet proof" as you put it). I am perfectly fine with a Prestige/Star Trek transporter, as long as it is a perfect copy, I don't really care if it is the "original" meatsack or the 100th... all I would want is to make sure the original dies quickly and painlessly (preferably after it is confirmed the copy was transported safely).
- lotsoflumens 9y ago
  The irony, as I see it, is that immediately after the transfer, the "you" that doesn't get transported might still be aware of your surroundings and understand completely what "your" fate will soon be (killed quickly). That would require an enormous amount of bravery and belief in the technology.
  - orbitingpluto 9y ago
    Your comment reminded me of a old Outer Limits episode, "Think Like A Dinosaur" where the teleportation "equation had to be balanced." After a delayed confirmation, the technician had to kill the original woman. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Think_Like_a_Dinosaur_(The_Outer_Limits) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Think_Like_a_Dinosaur_(The_Out...
    - lotsoflumens 9y ago
      That was a great show - but I haven't seen that episode. Maybe Netflix will revive it someday.

kenny87 9y ago

This guy is perhaps the 21st Century's most important inventor, http://zapatopi.net/blog/?post=200604284330.st_clair_hyperinventor http://zapatopi.net/blog/?post=200604284330.st_clair_hyperin...

ChuckMcM 9y ago
Heh, quite the record of applications.

edko 9y ago

Honest question: this patent application mentions "hyperspace". Does such thing exist, or is it just science fiction?

rwallace 9y ago
Just science fiction, as far as we know.
zardo 9y ago
It's the 19th century term for spaces with dimension > 3. But... its just techno-babble now. http://news.psu.edu/story/141406/1995/12/01/research/deflating-hyperspace http://news.psu.edu/story/141406/1995/12/01/research/deflati...

Aliyekta 9y ago

2004!

boolint 9y ago

"Using this generator, it was found that smoke blown through one side of the coil does not appear on the other side of cylindrical coil. The smoke flows through the wormhole and appears in a hyperspace co-dimension. It was this experiment that resulted in making first contact with the androids of the Grey aliens who told me, in a remote viewing session, that 'We saw you blowing smoke into hyperspace.'"

dmix 9y ago
Well he is quite the expert: > It took a number of days in order to understand this sequence of events. The explanation involves knowledge of a wide range of subjects such as gravitation physics, hyperspace physics, wormhole electromagnetic theory and experimentation, quantum physics, and the nature of the human energy field.

PatrickAuld 9y ago

If you put "It was/is obvious" in a patent application, regardless if it involves hyperspace or not, the USPO should reject it outright.

dmix 9y ago

Instead of giving him a patent, the patent office should be referring him to a doctor given the fact he is temporarily blacking out while walking down streets: > In the next instance, he (G) found himself down the street near the corner of the next block. Realizing that he had passed the bus stop, he turned around to see the iron grating approximately 50 meters up the street in back of him. Because there was no recollection of having jumped across the iron grating nor of having passed the bus stop's yellow marker line, he realized that he had been teleported a distance of 100 meters while moving along with the traveling wave. Although you have to give him credit for mixing physics, geometry, with new age pseudo-science babble: > The question is how does this amplified gravitational wave created by the rotating propellers and turbines get into hyperspace from our dimension? > The answer comes from experiments done using the ancient Chinese form of breathing known as Chi Kung. Using this breathing technique, we have been able to levitate the human body over six feet in the air. The internal temperature of the stomach is around 200 degrees Fahrenheit. By simultaneously squeezing the diaphragm to bring hot air up through the lungs, and breathing through the nose to bring cold air down, rotating vortices are generated in the lung passages when these two air masses meet and twist around each other as depicted in the famous Yin-Yang diagram. Because the lung has variable diameter passages from the large diameter at the throat to the final small air sacs, there is a spectrum of rotating frequencies. From which he jumps to this sentence: > From quantum physics it is known that if there is a temperature fluctuation occurring among a group of harmonic oscillators in the environment, then Planck's reduced constant Figure US20060071122A1-20060406-P00900 is increased by the cotangent of the constant times the frequency ω of the oscillator divided by twice Boltzmann's constant k times the temperature T ℏ = ℏ ⁢ ⁢ coth ⁡ ( ℏω n 2 ⁢ kT ) But really, who needs black holes when you have breathing?

YeGoblynQueenne 9y ago
>> Instead of giving him a patent, the patent office should be referring him to a doctor given the fact he is temporarily blacking out while walking down streets: That's probably because of all the, um, "blowing smoke into hyperspace".

cbisnett 9y ago

A friend of my wife's worked at the USPTO for a few years as a mechanical engineer reviewing patent applications. He said they would regularly get applications for time travel machines and perpetual motion machines and they would have to spend a bunch of time writing up why it was rejected. It was a right of passage usually reserved for the new guy ;)

azeemsola 9y ago

This might sound crazy, but one time, I met a shirtless homeless man in denver that purported to be John Quincy St. Clair. He had quite the ability to talk about the patents.

andrewhubbs 9y ago

This is a pretty great comic that deals with this exact debate. http://existentialcomics.com/comic/1 http://existentialcomics.com/comic/1