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At the same time, please don't assume that every woman at the office who isn't standoffish is into you. That kind of makes life hell for women who want to devel

At the same time, please don't assume that every woman at the office who isn't standoffish is into you. That kind of makes life hell for women who want to develop effective friendly working relationships with their colleagues just the same way men do.

mattbgates 9y ago
Agreed. Sometimes women are just being nice and are not looking for a boyfriend. So if you ask and they let you know they are not interested, or if they have a boyfriend, or if they just aren't interested, than take that as a sign for her letting you know: "Move on. I'm not interested. I'm letting you know, so you don't have to waste your time on me." That is why it probably took me so long to even recognize it.. 1) because I didn't ask her out and get the rejection/acceptance (in fact, she thought I was rejecting her) and 2) because I figured it was just a woman looking to flirt with me because I was the cutest in the office (ha.. kidding). Though I should have noticed too: the only one she was ever flirting with was me. But it goes back to my statement of: Don't be weird. I admit, I can definitely be weird. I have my moments. And they came out when we were dating... and if that didn't scare her away, well.. nothing was going to do that. I also have to add to the story: She was older, had kids, smoked, ate fast food, financially irresponsible, and was everything I wasn't looking for in a woman. The odds were really against us. Why did we end up going out and liking each other? Because we talked for like 2 hours and realized we had a lot in common and liked each other. That "chemistry" where you just know is hard to explain. We certainly have our moments of good and bad, but so does everyone. She has since curbed her fast food intake and quit smoking. I have taught her that she doesn't need to live paycheck to paycheck if she comes up with a budget for herself and doesn't spend habitually and mindlessly. Having some extra money in the bank is always a good thing. The kids.. they are now adults.. still live with us, and we do get along. As for her age... her maturity level matches mine and we basically grew up in the same generation, if that makes any sense... ah, love the 80s! So yeah, it wasn't just something that was instant. It really almost did not happen, but it did. And both of our lives changed.. probably for the better. And then there were things I had to get over, such as my acceptance of her children, which came with time. Every time I left her place, I would have to take a shower and wash my clothes because of her smoking habit. I didn't make her quit and had told her: Please keep smoking if you are going to blame me for making you quit. If she had kept at it though, we probably would've been done a long time ago. I just didn't want to be with someone who had that habit. And I feel bad for thinking that, but again: Be with someone who you enjoy being around and who is compatible with you and can at least make some changes in their life to compromise with you. Of course, be willing to compromise too... because no one comes without their annoying or bad habits. We all have our thing. If you don't like smoking and cannot stand the smell and she loves it, than let her do her... that's her choice and her life. You can either accept it or reject her. There are certainly many sacrifices we both made to be in each other's lives since then, but nothing that has made us bitter towards each other. Changes are small and take a while, but they do happen, even if only minor.

mattbgates 9y ago

Agreed. Sometimes women are just being nice and are not looking for a boyfriend. So if you ask and they let you know they are not interested, or if they have a boyfriend, or if they just aren't interested, than take that as a sign for her letting you know: "Move on. I'm not interested. I'm letting you know, so you don't have to waste your time on me." That is why it probably took me so long to even recognize it.. 1) because I didn't ask her out and get the rejection/acceptance (in fact, she thought I was rejecting her) and 2) because I figured it was just a woman looking to flirt with me because I was the cutest in the office (ha.. kidding). Though I should have noticed too: the only one she was ever flirting with was me. But it goes back to my statement of: Don't be weird. I admit, I can definitely be weird. I have my moments. And they came out when we were dating... and if that didn't scare her away, well.. nothing was going to do that. I also have to add to the story: She was older, had kids, smoked, ate fast food, financially irresponsible, and was everything I wasn't looking for in a woman. The odds were really against us. Why did we end up going out and liking each other? Because we talked for like 2 hours and realized we had a lot in common and liked each other. That "chemistry" where you just know is hard to explain. We certainly have our moments of good and bad, but so does everyone. She has since curbed her fast food intake and quit smoking. I have taught her that she doesn't need to live paycheck to paycheck if she comes up with a budget for herself and doesn't spend habitually and mindlessly. Having some extra money in the bank is always a good thing. The kids.. they are now adults.. still live with us, and we do get along. As for her age... her maturity level matches mine and we basically grew up in the same generation, if that makes any sense... ah, love the 80s! So yeah, it wasn't just something that was instant. It really almost did not happen, but it did. And both of our lives changed.. probably for the better. And then there were things I had to get over, such as my acceptance of her children, which came with time. Every time I left her place, I would have to take a shower and wash my clothes because of her smoking habit. I didn't make her quit and had told her: Please keep smoking if you are going to blame me for making you quit. If she had kept at it though, we probably would've been done a long time ago. I just didn't want to be with someone who had that habit. And I feel bad for thinking that, but again: Be with someone who you enjoy being around and who is compatible with you and can at least make some changes in their life to compromise with you. Of course, be willing to compromise too... because no one comes without their annoying or bad habits. We all have our thing. If you don't like smoking and cannot stand the smell and she loves it, than let her do her... that's her choice and her life. You can either accept it or reject her. There are certainly many sacrifices we both made to be in each other's lives since then, but nothing that has made us bitter towards each other. Changes are small and take a while, but they do happen, even if only minor.