3 ms·

Almost 7 years ago, I had just gotten back from teaching English in Israel and moved back home for a few months because I had no money and needed a job. Literal

Almost 7 years ago, I had just gotten back from teaching English in Israel and moved back home for a few months because I had no money and needed a job. Literally $0 in my bank account. While I had a degree in psychology, desperation set in, and I applied across the boards of Craigslist for ANYTHING. Psychology-related jobs. Any job that required a Bachelors Degree, I had applied for. It was a programming job for an autobody shop that answered. I went in and got through my interview. They tested me on my math knowledge, which I failed miserably, but they also tested me on my logic and my knowledge of the programming language, which I aced. They ended up hiring me. I had no car and before I left, I walked over to the saleswoman, touched her hand, and said, "Hey, can I use your phone? I have to call my ride." About 3 months later, and all the while, this woman had basically been flirting with me and I was flirting with her, but I had no idea she was even interested and I thought it was just casual office flirtation to deal with the boredom. Anyways, on my birthday, she had gotten me a cake and asked me what I was doing that night. I told her I was going to hang out with all the friends I didn't have... and asked her if she'd like to come along. She agreed and since I had no friends, she was the one who was there. We ended up talking, flirting, buying drinks, and eventually making out. She admitted ever since that day I had touched her hand that she wanted me. She had been trying to get my attention ever since and trying to get me to ask her out, even almost giving up at one point. I also feared that she was setting me up to knock me down (sexual harassment), but that really wasn't the case because she really did like me. Our job had a policy of no fraternizing with co-workers and so we kept it a secret. Eventually, we ended up getting another job because that boss was... well lets just not get into it. Fortunately, we got the same job together doing the same thing, in web design. At this job, our dating remained a secret for years.. before we finally let out the truth. She's not technically my wife today, as we are experiencing financial issues right now and getting married isn't the first thing on my mind to solve such situations, but she has been my girlfriend for 5 years and then we got engaged. I know this might be a rare situation, but it somehow worked out. I think the workplace or college is a great place to meet people, but you also risk it: We did have one stint in which we separated for a month due to differences, but we casually dated again and realized how much we loved each other. During that month, we still had to work together and it was miserable. Before her, I really had no interest in dating at all. Going on dates was just awful.. like setting up an interview and hoping for the best. Asking girls out or even trying to recognize they were interested in me... yeah.. maybe I was just stupid. There were girls I'd meet where I knew they could be "the one" .. or they weren't. It was few and far in between... I think maybe only three girls or so before meeting my current lady were like that. One I met in college.. and I was so in love with her, and no matter what I did to let her know, the love just wasn't reciprocated. Years later, once she found out I was engaged, she took an interest in me, texted me, called me, wanted to hang out... but before that... I was lucky to get any time of day with her. But its too late for her.. and I wasn't going to lose what I have with my special one. Definitely not worth the games at all. Our chance was in college... and it never happened. Live, love, and learn. And then move on if you must. My advice is this: Don't look for love, but learn how to be observant. A girl who pays attention to you may be interested in you. If she's playing with her hair, she really likes you. She wants to know you and wants you to know her and be in her life and in your life. Don't fear asking her out. Just ask her out. You have absolutely nothing to lose. Really. Nothing to lose. If she rejects you, she is just helping you find the right girl for you. If she gives you a chance, don't try to be anyone but yourself. Don't be too weird. You can be weird later when she is comfortable with you. Just be yourself. Learn how to have a sense of humor in which you can make others and her laugh.

alashley 9y ago
This is such a nice story, thanks for sharing.
twobyfour 9y ago
At the same time, please don't assume that every woman at the office who isn't standoffish is into you. That kind of makes life hell for women who want to develop effective friendly working relationships with their colleagues just the same way men do.
- mattbgates 9y ago
  Agreed. Sometimes women are just being nice and are not looking for a boyfriend. So if you ask and they let you know they are not interested, or if they have a boyfriend, or if they just aren't interested, than take that as a sign for her letting you know: "Move on. I'm not interested. I'm letting you know, so you don't have to waste your time on me." That is why it probably took me so long to even recognize it.. 1) because I didn't ask her out and get the rejection/acceptance (in fact, she thought I was rejecting her) and 2) because I figured it was just a woman looking to flirt with me because I was the cutest in the office (ha.. kidding). Though I should have noticed too: the only one she was ever flirting with was me. But it goes back to my statement of: Don't be weird. I admit, I can definitely be weird. I have my moments. And they came out when we were dating... and if that didn't scare her away, well.. nothing was going to do that. I also have to add to the story: She was older, had kids, smoked, ate fast food, financially irresponsible, and was everything I wasn't looking for in a woman. The odds were really against us. Why did we end up going out and liking each other? Because we talked for like 2 hours and realized we had a lot in common and liked each other. That "chemistry" where you just know is hard to explain. We certainly have our moments of good and bad, but so does everyone. She has since curbed her fast food intake and quit smoking. I have taught her that she doesn't need to live paycheck to paycheck if she comes up with a budget for herself and doesn't spend habitually and mindlessly. Having some extra money in the bank is always a good thing. The kids.. they are now adults.. still live with us, and we do get along. As for her age... her maturity level matches mine and we basically grew up in the same generation, if that makes any sense... ah, love the 80s! So yeah, it wasn't just something that was instant. It really almost did not happen, but it did. And both of our lives changed.. probably for the better. And then there were things I had to get over, such as my acceptance of her children, which came with time. Every time I left her place, I would have to take a shower and wash my clothes because of her smoking habit. I didn't make her quit and had told her: Please keep smoking if you are going to blame me for making you quit. If she had kept at it though, we probably would've been done a long time ago. I just didn't want to be with someone who had that habit. And I feel bad for thinking that, but again: Be with someone who you enjoy being around and who is compatible with you and can at least make some changes in their life to compromise with you. Of course, be willing to compromise too... because no one comes without their annoying or bad habits. We all have our thing. If you don't like smoking and cannot stand the smell and she loves it, than let her do her... that's her choice and her life. You can either accept it or reject her. There are certainly many sacrifices we both made to be in each other's lives since then, but nothing that has made us bitter towards each other. Changes are small and take a while, but they do happen, even if only minor.

alashley 9y ago

This is such a nice story, thanks for sharing.

twobyfour 9y ago

At the same time, please don't assume that every woman at the office who isn't standoffish is into you. That kind of makes life hell for women who want to develop effective friendly working relationships with their colleagues just the same way men do.

mattbgates 9y ago
Agreed. Sometimes women are just being nice and are not looking for a boyfriend. So if you ask and they let you know they are not interested, or if they have a boyfriend, or if they just aren't interested, than take that as a sign for her letting you know: "Move on. I'm not interested. I'm letting you know, so you don't have to waste your time on me." That is why it probably took me so long to even recognize it.. 1) because I didn't ask her out and get the rejection/acceptance (in fact, she thought I was rejecting her) and 2) because I figured it was just a woman looking to flirt with me because I was the cutest in the office (ha.. kidding). Though I should have noticed too: the only one she was ever flirting with was me. But it goes back to my statement of: Don't be weird. I admit, I can definitely be weird. I have my moments. And they came out when we were dating... and if that didn't scare her away, well.. nothing was going to do that. I also have to add to the story: She was older, had kids, smoked, ate fast food, financially irresponsible, and was everything I wasn't looking for in a woman. The odds were really against us. Why did we end up going out and liking each other? Because we talked for like 2 hours and realized we had a lot in common and liked each other. That "chemistry" where you just know is hard to explain. We certainly have our moments of good and bad, but so does everyone. She has since curbed her fast food intake and quit smoking. I have taught her that she doesn't need to live paycheck to paycheck if she comes up with a budget for herself and doesn't spend habitually and mindlessly. Having some extra money in the bank is always a good thing. The kids.. they are now adults.. still live with us, and we do get along. As for her age... her maturity level matches mine and we basically grew up in the same generation, if that makes any sense... ah, love the 80s! So yeah, it wasn't just something that was instant. It really almost did not happen, but it did. And both of our lives changed.. probably for the better. And then there were things I had to get over, such as my acceptance of her children, which came with time. Every time I left her place, I would have to take a shower and wash my clothes because of her smoking habit. I didn't make her quit and had told her: Please keep smoking if you are going to blame me for making you quit. If she had kept at it though, we probably would've been done a long time ago. I just didn't want to be with someone who had that habit. And I feel bad for thinking that, but again: Be with someone who you enjoy being around and who is compatible with you and can at least make some changes in their life to compromise with you. Of course, be willing to compromise too... because no one comes without their annoying or bad habits. We all have our thing. If you don't like smoking and cannot stand the smell and she loves it, than let her do her... that's her choice and her life. You can either accept it or reject her. There are certainly many sacrifices we both made to be in each other's lives since then, but nothing that has made us bitter towards each other. Changes are small and take a while, but they do happen, even if only minor.