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> But the median outcome is going to be worse than with other, more enlightened dating strategies. Anecdata seems to suggest that dating websites work relative

> But the median outcome is going to be worse than with other, more enlightened dating strategies. Anecdata seems to suggest that dating websites work relatively well, especially as they become more socially acceptable. I know several couples now married who met through one. Also, [smallish] parties/social gatherings often have friends of friends which tends to be a decent form of curation. > And the ones most willing to engage have their own reasons for seeking out a lonely programmer. ... > What dating advice/strategies do you have for software engineers aiming to establish a family? You are not your profession. If your identity is overly intertwined with your profession, this could potentially be part of the problem. At the end of the day you have to be an attractive human being (not just a programmer!) that other people enjoy being around, including potential partners. It may be time for some serious self-reflection to figure out what is root cause of your loneliness, and what can be done to improve oneself to fix this, to build relationships with both men and women, and not just a spouse.

partisan 9y ago
Completely agreed. Dating and relationships are not problems to be solved. There is a fair amount of serendipity in life that comes when you allow for experiences that you would otherwise write off because of their outcomes. I am around @valueprop's age and I know that as we get older, we get more set in our ways. We start to trust in our ways and eschew other ways because, well, we are here and alive. I know change is hard. And the world can be overwhelming for the introverted. To make a new life, break out of your ways. Life can be absolutely exhilarating when you do. And stop using the "lonely programmer" narrative. There is someone out there in the world to whom that description appeals, but those people are few and far between. Adopt a different label or two. Passionate thinker. Great listener. Music lover. Avid swimmer. Rogue biker. Uno strategist extraordinaire.
- valueprop 9y ago
  Thank you and @lastofus

partisan 9y ago

Completely agreed. Dating and relationships are not problems to be solved. There is a fair amount of serendipity in life that comes when you allow for experiences that you would otherwise write off because of their outcomes. I am around @valueprop's age and I know that as we get older, we get more set in our ways. We start to trust in our ways and eschew other ways because, well, we are here and alive. I know change is hard. And the world can be overwhelming for the introverted. To make a new life, break out of your ways. Life can be absolutely exhilarating when you do. And stop using the "lonely programmer" narrative. There is someone out there in the world to whom that description appeals, but those people are few and far between. Adopt a different label or two. Passionate thinker. Great listener. Music lover. Avid swimmer. Rogue biker. Uno strategist extraordinaire.

valueprop 9y ago
Thank you and @lastofus