it was also a reflection of the realization on my part that my thirties would be less about bravely exploring new horizons and more about repairing the damage t

it was also a reflection of the realization on my part that my thirties would be less about bravely exploring new horizons and more about repairing the damage that I’d done in my twenties. - It is so common, so usual. It is called the crisis of the middle age. And yes, it is time when you come to realize that these strange world 'self-help' and 'self-improvement' (diet, gym, regime) now are somehow related to you. I have very simple visualization for such moment. Imagine an 'U' turned upside down, or a classic bell curve. Before 30 you're going up and looking up, and see something like a blue sky or other positive illusion. After crossing the ridge, you're starting to go down, but you're looking back and up, trying to push out from consciousness what you just saw ahead. All those activities are mostly about supporting an illusion of remaining at the highest point. For some people (it depends of your culture) it could be a cross, and that is how they come to realize why religion exist. They just didn't saw it from the opposite side.