4 ms·
I'm not particularly good in group settings, but here's a strategy I've found that works in most cases: give the person a complement, then ask them a question a
by spcelzrd 9y ago
I'm not particularly good in group settings, but here's a strategy I've found that works in most cases: give the person a complement, then ask them a question about themselves. It's important that the complement isn't about their appearance or something that might make them uncomfortable. And keep the question light.
- mseo 9y agoCan you give an example?
- scrumper 9y agoI've heard really good things about your latest project. That must've involved a lot of long days.
- deleted 9y ago[deleted]
- mafribe 9y agoisn't about their appearance Pro-tip for the socially savvy: intuit what about their appearance they put a lot of though/effort into, and then make a compliment based on that. Examples. - Your new hairstyle is amazing, who's your hairdresser, I need to go there. - Wow, looks like you've been working out hard recently, great definition on your upper arms, can you recommend some good workouts? - That top you are wearing, where did you get it? It's amazing, reminds me of Christian Dior's 1978 collection, you are the most stylish person in the room. Where, Harajuku, Tokyo? You went to Tokyo? Wow, when? I love Tokio, you need to tell me everything about your trip! - That tan line ... looks like somebody was on holidays recently ... Where, Greece? That's so cool, I'm so jealous, tell me ... It is also worthwhile reflecting on how the recipient will process a compliment: the recipient will compare your compliment with the previous compliments received. Let's illustrate this point with some social cliches: - 17 year old conventionally beautiful girl: will typically get large amounts of compliments every day. She will have heard it all before, and have a lot of experience with gracefully handling compliments. - 17 year old convention computer gamer boy: will typically never have been complimented on anything at all. Will have no canned graceful reply for his first compliment. Summary: Adjust your compliments to audience expectation. something that might make them uncomfortable. That's good advice for beginners. For the socially savvy, ambiguous compliments work really well, too. The classic "nice hair, is it your own LOL" has been discussed many times. However, it's easy to mis-calibrate and get it wrong. Flattery is like paying with counterfeit money: easy to do and effective ... as long as you don't get caught. Meaning: when Alter realises Ego is using flattery, Alter feels manipulated. Finally, there are different cultures of complimenting. For example, in the US compliments are given freely, often and expected. In Easter Europe, in contrast, compliments tend to be given more rarely, and not usually expected. Unless you are socially savvy or a social risk taker, I recommend to adhere to the ambient conventions about how often compliments should be made.
- deleted 9y ago[deleted]
- deleted 9y ago[deleted]
- bshimmin 9y agoNext time I'm in a pub in Glasgow I'm so going to compliment a guy on the definition of his upper arms and then, if I'm still alive, move the discussion onto Dior's 1978 collection. Thanks for the tips!
- mafribe 9y agoLOL, thanks. That's a great suggestion. Next time I'm teaching compilers, I'll illustrate the difference between context-free and context-sensitive language with reference to Glasgow pubs.