5 ms·

Agreed. It is also easily forgotten (or perhaps never taught) in the modern world. Somebody with good manners always make you feel special and takes care of yo

Agreed. It is also easily forgotten (or perhaps never taught) in the modern world. Somebody with good manners always make you feel special and takes care of your needs ahead of theirs. Somehow or another, a ton of people grew up thinking manners and etiquette were about where the forks go at a formal dinner.

hammock 9y ago
Yes. Even in the dinner setting case, the forks have a place so that you can feel confident in what you're doing no matter whose house you sit down in. But good hosts also know, if they see their guest start drinking the contents of the finger bowl, the host does the same :)
- DanielBMarkham 9y ago
  good hosts also know, if they see their guest start drinking the contents of the finger bowl, the host does the same :) I'm stealing that one.
- JackFr 9y ago
  I had heard the expression 'drinking out of the finger bowl' many times as the epitome of uncouth, uncultured behavior. Finally around the age of 30, I found myself for the first time at a dinner where there were actual finger bowls, I could not stop myself and had to pretend to drink out of it. (But interestingly, I also discovered they're quite useful. The meal featured a bit of a messy seafood course which required eating with your hands, and they allowed a bit of a wash up at the table.)
  - hammock 9y ago
    On the flip side of this, growing up eating whole lobster in Maine most of my childhood, the first time I ordered it at a 5-star, haute cuisine restaurant I was extraordinarily disappointed to find out they had already shelled it (albeit beautifully, perfectly) in the kitchen before serving it to me.
    - Symbiote 9y ago
      That is disappointing. I was very pleased, the first time I ate at a similar restaurant, to be given all kinds of tools with which to attack the large pile of seafood. (This was in Copenhagen, but two anecdotes isn't enough to generalize.)
- Bartweiss 9y ago
  > the forks have a place so that you can feel confident in what you're doing no matter whose house you sit down in Once I learned (some of) the actual rules around dinner settings, that sort of etiquette made far more sense to me. Using dinner forks isn't hard, even in high class settings: you start from the furthest-out fork and move in. But setting them requires knowing what you're doing so that your guests don't need to know - the goal of politeness being that you ensure no one else is ill at ease.

hammock 9y ago

Yes. Even in the dinner setting case, the forks have a place so that you can feel confident in what you're doing no matter whose house you sit down in. But good hosts also know, if they see their guest start drinking the contents of the finger bowl, the host does the same :)

DanielBMarkham 9y ago
good hosts also know, if they see their guest start drinking the contents of the finger bowl, the host does the same :) I'm stealing that one.
JackFr 9y ago
I had heard the expression 'drinking out of the finger bowl' many times as the epitome of uncouth, uncultured behavior. Finally around the age of 30, I found myself for the first time at a dinner where there were actual finger bowls, I could not stop myself and had to pretend to drink out of it. (But interestingly, I also discovered they're quite useful. The meal featured a bit of a messy seafood course which required eating with your hands, and they allowed a bit of a wash up at the table.)
- hammock 9y ago
  On the flip side of this, growing up eating whole lobster in Maine most of my childhood, the first time I ordered it at a 5-star, haute cuisine restaurant I was extraordinarily disappointed to find out they had already shelled it (albeit beautifully, perfectly) in the kitchen before serving it to me.
  - Symbiote 9y ago
    That is disappointing. I was very pleased, the first time I ate at a similar restaurant, to be given all kinds of tools with which to attack the large pile of seafood. (This was in Copenhagen, but two anecdotes isn't enough to generalize.)
Bartweiss 9y ago
> the forks have a place so that you can feel confident in what you're doing no matter whose house you sit down in Once I learned (some of) the actual rules around dinner settings, that sort of etiquette made far more sense to me. Using dinner forks isn't hard, even in high class settings: you start from the furthest-out fork and move in. But setting them requires knowing what you're doing so that your guests don't need to know - the goal of politeness being that you ensure no one else is ill at ease.