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> Why are you not committed to staying married because you love your partner unconditionally and because they are your best friend that you love to spend time w

by Gatsky 10y ago

> Why are you not committed to staying married because you love your partner unconditionally and because they are your best friend that you love to spend time with? This seems awfully naive. I think the point of they NY times article is that this isn't sufficient? I would definitely say this is not sufficient. You seem to think that 'religion' taints or devalues a marriage. I've often wondered what role spirituality should play in a relationship. I think it's probably grossly undervalued. I suspect there is at least a tiny bit of nihilism at the heart of every (unnecessary) marriage break down, no matter how much love or friendship there may have been. Spirituality is a way, perhaps the most reliable way, to combat this nihilism. For cerebral types, it's too easy to convince yourself that it's all pointless and rationalise packing it in. I'm not talking about 'religion' in the sense of an institutionalised faith, spirituality can mean many different things some of which are compatible with an Atheism. I find that considering the the mysteries of the universe, however briefly, helps my marriage a lot. As does being with someone that is willing to do the same.

philliphaydon 10y ago
I don't believe religion taints of devalues marriage. I'm trying to understand, based on the comments, it seems like they are only still married because of their religious beliefs. This sounds like they do not love who they are married to which to me is wrong. I'm trying to understand why they say that they continue to be married because of their religious beliefs. Plenty of religious people, and plenty of non-religious people, stay married for life. But I have literally never heard someone say they strive to stay married because of religion.
- kelnos 10y ago
  Not either of the posters you've replied to, but I don't believe either of them said that they're only in the marriage for religious reasons. They want to abide by the restrictions their religious beliefs places on them. They may be lucky that their marriage is working out, and that they've been able to work through the problems they've encountered. Maybe someone without their religious beliefs might have thrown in the towel earlier, but they personally don't think that's the way to go. But who knows, maybe someday they will hit an impasse and decide their personal happiness is more important than their religious beliefs. But for _now_, they are happy and stable enough that their religious beliefs help (as another poster suggested) to anchor them. Full disclosure: I'm an atheist who thinks staying in relationships solely for religious regions is sad and a waste. I just believe you're misinterpreting their statements.
- sheepmullet 10y ago
  > it seems like they are only still married because of their religious beliefs. Every marriage will fall on hard times. Religious beliefs can get you through. I know many friends who are happy and in love but would have gotten divorced if not for religious beliefs convincing them to hold on.

by Gatsky 10y ago

philliphaydon 10y ago

I don't believe religion taints of devalues marriage. I'm trying to understand, based on the comments, it seems like they are only still married because of their religious beliefs. This sounds like they do not love who they are married to which to me is wrong. I'm trying to understand why they say that they continue to be married because of their religious beliefs. Plenty of religious people, and plenty of non-religious people, stay married for life. But I have literally never heard someone say they strive to stay married because of religion.

kelnos 10y ago
Not either of the posters you've replied to, but I don't believe either of them said that they're only in the marriage for religious reasons. They want to abide by the restrictions their religious beliefs places on them. They may be lucky that their marriage is working out, and that they've been able to work through the problems they've encountered. Maybe someone without their religious beliefs might have thrown in the towel earlier, but they personally don't think that's the way to go. But who knows, maybe someday they will hit an impasse and decide their personal happiness is more important than their religious beliefs. But for _now_, they are happy and stable enough that their religious beliefs help (as another poster suggested) to anchor them. Full disclosure: I'm an atheist who thinks staying in relationships solely for religious regions is sad and a waste. I just believe you're misinterpreting their statements.
sheepmullet 10y ago
> it seems like they are only still married because of their religious beliefs. Every marriage will fall on hard times. Religious beliefs can get you through. I know many friends who are happy and in love but would have gotten divorced if not for religious beliefs convincing them to hold on.