7 ms·
I almost never compromise with my wife, and we're very happy. That seems shocking, I know, but here's why: Compromise is born from an adversarial starting pos
by unit91 9y ago
I almost never compromise with my wife, and we're very happy. That seems shocking, I know, but here's why:
Compromise is born from an adversarial starting position. But my wife isn't my adversary. I love her, and I would die for (and nearly have), and so I (try to) give of myself freely and completely. If both people really care about each other more than themselves, happiness follows easily and naturally. The real questions are (1) what do I need to do to learn to love my spouse more than I love myself? and (2) where do I find a person who will reciprocate that kind of love? Experientially, I've found the answer to both questions is to have a deep commitment to God, who teaches and models this behavior to us.
- thegayngler 9y agoReligion is what ultimately broke up my parent's marriage and strained my relationship with them on numerous occasions.
- abalashov 9y agoI think #2 is the stumbling block for most people. That's where the question of common values and shared beliefs becomes critically important.
- yetihehe 9y agoI am an atheist and want to commit myself to my spouse (which believes in God, goes to church, etc.), but it currently looks like she doesn't really want to reciprocate. So I don't believe you that commitment to God is an answer.
- Broken_Hippo 9y agoSame. My spouse and I are both athiests.
- croon 9y agoI'm raised Christian from both parents, and my wife who wasn't has gone more of a Dawkins atheist route. I would best describe us as soft agnostic and hard agnostic. I think the key is accepting that none of us know what the fuck is going on in an unobservable space. We'll raise our child(ren) by letting them develop their own world model, rigid where provable, soft where not. Always retesting. I want to believe David Lynch made Blue Velvet on purpose as opposed to the ramblings of a mad man, even though no one can prove that to me. That is a soft belief, just like faith in "something" (should be). We are happily accepting of each other. If we instead would've had fundamentally different views on what facts and beliefs are, that would have been a problem.
- Broken_Hippo 9y agoWhy does one need to love their spouse more than themself, though? Equals. That's it. Equals. Gotta love yourself more so you can leave if it winds up bad.
- Gustomaximus 9y ago> Compromise is born from an adversarial starting position. I get what your saying but all compromise is from an 'adversarial' is over egging it. Sometimes yes, but iother times no. E.g. My wife likes curry mild and I prefer spicy. Sometimes we have mild, other times spicy. There is no conflict here. We know each prefers the other and will encourage or accept the others preference because we know it makes them happy. This is a small example that scales to larger issues. The larger the issue the more we discuss to nut out what really matters. Sometime we argue but we get back to the discussion later with cool heads. I feel your fooling yourself if you believe there there will be no adversarial events in a long term relationship.