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I dunno... there's still a line one crosses when you stop treating you spouse as a person and start treating them as an adversary. The things I've heard people

I dunno... there's still a line one crosses when you stop treating you spouse as a person and start treating them as an adversary. The things I've heard people say about, or worse, to their spouses sometimes stretches my definition of basic human decency. Regardless of how someone changes, every person deserves basic respect. Even little things like complaining about bad habits behind a person's back fosters resentment borne of disrespect, resentment that can grow and fester. Resisting that urge and instead treating ones partner with dignity is a critical skill many couples lack.

kelnos 9y ago
I don't think anyone's arguing against what you're saying. It's just that you may like someone, and then at some point down the road, you or they change in a way that causes you to stop liking them. It's unfortunate, certainly, but it happens. Sometimes it's reversible, sometimes not. The stigma against divorce (made worse when driven by religious edict) is often why things turn into the bad state of affairs you describe: spouses treating each other as adversaries, speaking about them negatively behind each other's backs, etc. If you get to the point where you don't like your spouse anymore, just get a divorce. No, that's not a decision that should be made lightly, but unless you have a really good reason to stay in a relationship that makes both parties unhappy, it's crazy to stay together.
- sheepmullet 9y ago
  > The stigma against divorce (made worse when driven by religious edict) is often why things turn into the bad state of affairs you describe: spouses treating each other as adversaries, speaking about them negatively behind each other's backs, etc. I doubt the stigma of divorce has any such impact. Plenty of second marriages contain hatred, anger, resentment, etc
  - kelnos 9y ago
    I doubt it's the only impact, but dismissing it as not having any impact seems incorrect.
    - sheepmullet 9y ago
      What's the rationale that is has an impact? Was there significantly more abuse etc when divorce was more heavily stigmatised?

kelnos 9y ago

I don't think anyone's arguing against what you're saying. It's just that you may like someone, and then at some point down the road, you or they change in a way that causes you to stop liking them. It's unfortunate, certainly, but it happens. Sometimes it's reversible, sometimes not. The stigma against divorce (made worse when driven by religious edict) is often why things turn into the bad state of affairs you describe: spouses treating each other as adversaries, speaking about them negatively behind each other's backs, etc. If you get to the point where you don't like your spouse anymore, just get a divorce. No, that's not a decision that should be made lightly, but unless you have a really good reason to stay in a relationship that makes both parties unhappy, it's crazy to stay together.

sheepmullet 9y ago
> The stigma against divorce (made worse when driven by religious edict) is often why things turn into the bad state of affairs you describe: spouses treating each other as adversaries, speaking about them negatively behind each other's backs, etc. I doubt the stigma of divorce has any such impact. Plenty of second marriages contain hatred, anger, resentment, etc
- kelnos 9y ago
  I doubt it's the only impact, but dismissing it as not having any impact seems incorrect.
  - sheepmullet 9y ago
    What's the rationale that is has an impact? Was there significantly more abuse etc when divorce was more heavily stigmatised?