5 ms·
Well, the other key is so obvious: be nice to each other. The couples I see that fall apart complain about each other behind each other's backs to their friend
by zzalpha 9y ago
Well, the other key is so obvious: be nice to each other.
The couples I see that fall apart complain about each other behind each other's backs to their friends. They're snarky, disrespectful, when they fight they fight dirty. When they get resentful they retaliate instead of talking.
Just. Be decent. Like each other.
It's not that hard if you can work on not being selfish, self-centered, or self-righteous.
- intrasight 9y agoActually, it can be VERY hard.
- ThrustVectoring 9y agoIf it's hard to like someone, you probably shouldn't get married to them. Spending years of your life with someone who grates on you is worse than being single.
- jamesrcole 9y agoThat's assuming things don't change. Surely people can start our liking each other but change their opinions over time.
- dugditches 9y agoSometimes you don't truly know someone until you marry them. Or rather hardtimes(financial, illness, children, etc) can change the person you once 'liked' into someone you may not.
- zzalpha 9y agoI dunno... there's still a line one crosses when you stop treating you spouse as a person and start treating them as an adversary. The things I've heard people say about, or worse, to their spouses sometimes stretches my definition of basic human decency. Regardless of how someone changes, every person deserves basic respect. Even little things like complaining about bad habits behind a person's back fosters resentment borne of disrespect, resentment that can grow and fester. Resisting that urge and instead treating ones partner with dignity is a critical skill many couples lack.
- kelnos 9y agoI don't think anyone's arguing against what you're saying. It's just that you may like someone, and then at some point down the road, you or they change in a way that causes you to stop liking them. It's unfortunate, certainly, but it happens. Sometimes it's reversible, sometimes not. The stigma against divorce (made worse when driven by religious edict) is often why things turn into the bad state of affairs you describe: spouses treating each other as adversaries, speaking about them negatively behind each other's backs, etc. If you get to the point where you don't like your spouse anymore, just get a divorce. No, that's not a decision that should be made lightly, but unless you have a really good reason to stay in a relationship that makes both parties unhappy, it's crazy to stay together.
- sheepmullet 9y ago> The stigma against divorce (made worse when driven by religious edict) is often why things turn into the bad state of affairs you describe: spouses treating each other as adversaries, speaking about them negatively behind each other's backs, etc. I doubt the stigma of divorce has any such impact. Plenty of second marriages contain hatred, anger, resentment, etc
- kelnos 9y agoI doubt it's the only impact, but dismissing it as not having any impact seems incorrect.
- sheepmullet 9y agoWhat's the rationale that is has an impact? Was there significantly more abuse etc when divorce was more heavily stigmatised?
- ionised 9y ago> Sometimes you don't truly know someone until you marry them. You should just live together for a few years first then.
- paganel 9y agoPeople do change over time, it's in our nature. You're a different person at 25, at 30, at 35. Marriage is hard, there's a lot of luck involved, lots of compromises that need to be made in order to make the whole thing go forward. My failed marriage is one my worst (probably the worst) failures in my life, especially as I was thinking that I was having it all under control. I wasn't.
- codinghorror 9y agoThis is such a good point. Agree completely.