5 ms·

I agree with you, and my wife and I will have been married 27 years in June. I will add that not only is part of my motivation for staying married religious (I'

by cicero 9y ago

I agree with you, and my wife and I will have been married 27 years in June. I will add that not only is part of my motivation for staying married religious (I'm Catholic), but I also depend on God's help to keep us together. Marriage can be hard, but it's absolutely worth it. Learning to love the same person for a lifetime makes one a better person.

philliphaydon 9y ago
I'm sorry if this offends you and the person you replied to, but why are you committed to staying married for religious reasons? Why are you not committed to staying married because you love your partner unconditionally and because they are your best friend that you love to spend time with? It seems totally bizarre to me (being Atheist) to marry, and stay married, for religious reasons, or to believe that yourself is so special above all other people that God would help you. I can understand people having faith in a higher power(s) and following traditions and beliefs, etc. But the bit that baffles me about these two comments is that your marriage sounds like it almost now only exists for religious reasons and you no longer love your partner for what ever reason that made you want to get married to begin with.
- mduerksen 9y ago
  Instead of "stay married, for religious reasons" I'd say "stay married, with religion as an anchor" (not sure if OPs agree, but I'd suspect they might). Religion is not the primary reason, but added security. > love your partner unconditionally There is no such thing. That's an ideal, not something you can build a marriage on. > best friend that you love to spend time with Is every day like that? Marriage has good and bad days. Religion can help to carry on through the bad days, by 1. restricting the quick exit paths 2. giving tools to resolve the issues, e.g. forgiveness
  - empressplay 9y ago
    Forgiveness is not strictly the domain of religion.
  - deleted 9y ago
    [deleted]
- pulse7 9y ago
  My version of "religious reasons" reads: I promised by wife what I will love her and stay faithful in marriage. I will do everything to keep this promise. And I pray to God to help me keep this promise.
- Gatsky 9y ago
  > Why are you not committed to staying married because you love your partner unconditionally and because they are your best friend that you love to spend time with? This seems awfully naive. I think the point of they NY times article is that this isn't sufficient? I would definitely say this is not sufficient. You seem to think that 'religion' taints or devalues a marriage. I've often wondered what role spirituality should play in a relationship. I think it's probably grossly undervalued. I suspect there is at least a tiny bit of nihilism at the heart of every (unnecessary) marriage break down, no matter how much love or friendship there may have been. Spirituality is a way, perhaps the most reliable way, to combat this nihilism. For cerebral types, it's too easy to convince yourself that it's all pointless and rationalise packing it in. I'm not talking about 'religion' in the sense of an institutionalised faith, spirituality can mean many different things some of which are compatible with an Atheism. I find that considering the the mysteries of the universe, however briefly, helps my marriage a lot. As does being with someone that is willing to do the same.
  - philliphaydon 9y ago
    I don't believe religion taints of devalues marriage. I'm trying to understand, based on the comments, it seems like they are only still married because of their religious beliefs. This sounds like they do not love who they are married to which to me is wrong. I'm trying to understand why they say that they continue to be married because of their religious beliefs. Plenty of religious people, and plenty of non-religious people, stay married for life. But I have literally never heard someone say they strive to stay married because of religion.
    - kelnos 9y ago
      Not either of the posters you've replied to, but I don't believe either of them said that they're only in the marriage for religious reasons. They want to abide by the restrictions their religious beliefs places on them. They may be lucky that their marriage is working out, and that they've been able to work through the problems they've encountered. Maybe someone without their religious beliefs might have thrown in the towel earlier, but they personally don't think that's the way to go. But who knows, maybe someday they will hit an impasse and decide their personal happiness is more important than their religious beliefs. But for _now_, they are happy and stable enough that their religious beliefs help (as another poster suggested) to anchor them. Full disclosure: I'm an atheist who thinks staying in relationships solely for religious regions is sad and a waste. I just believe you're misinterpreting their statements.

by cicero 9y ago

philliphaydon 9y ago

I'm sorry if this offends you and the person you replied to, but why are you committed to staying married for religious reasons? Why are you not committed to staying married because you love your partner unconditionally and because they are your best friend that you love to spend time with? It seems totally bizarre to me (being Atheist) to marry, and stay married, for religious reasons, or to believe that yourself is so special above all other people that God would help you. I can understand people having faith in a higher power(s) and following traditions and beliefs, etc. But the bit that baffles me about these two comments is that your marriage sounds like it almost now only exists for religious reasons and you no longer love your partner for what ever reason that made you want to get married to begin with.

mduerksen 9y ago
Instead of "stay married, for religious reasons" I'd say "stay married, with religion as an anchor" (not sure if OPs agree, but I'd suspect they might). Religion is not the primary reason, but added security. > love your partner unconditionally There is no such thing. That's an ideal, not something you can build a marriage on. > best friend that you love to spend time with Is every day like that? Marriage has good and bad days. Religion can help to carry on through the bad days, by 1. restricting the quick exit paths 2. giving tools to resolve the issues, e.g. forgiveness
- empressplay 9y ago
  Forgiveness is not strictly the domain of religion.
- deleted 9y ago
  [deleted]
pulse7 9y ago
My version of "religious reasons" reads: I promised by wife what I will love her and stay faithful in marriage. I will do everything to keep this promise. And I pray to God to help me keep this promise.
Gatsky 9y ago
> Why are you not committed to staying married because you love your partner unconditionally and because they are your best friend that you love to spend time with? This seems awfully naive. I think the point of they NY times article is that this isn't sufficient? I would definitely say this is not sufficient. You seem to think that 'religion' taints or devalues a marriage. I've often wondered what role spirituality should play in a relationship. I think it's probably grossly undervalued. I suspect there is at least a tiny bit of nihilism at the heart of every (unnecessary) marriage break down, no matter how much love or friendship there may have been. Spirituality is a way, perhaps the most reliable way, to combat this nihilism. For cerebral types, it's too easy to convince yourself that it's all pointless and rationalise packing it in. I'm not talking about 'religion' in the sense of an institutionalised faith, spirituality can mean many different things some of which are compatible with an Atheism. I find that considering the the mysteries of the universe, however briefly, helps my marriage a lot. As does being with someone that is willing to do the same.
- philliphaydon 9y ago
  I don't believe religion taints of devalues marriage. I'm trying to understand, based on the comments, it seems like they are only still married because of their religious beliefs. This sounds like they do not love who they are married to which to me is wrong. I'm trying to understand why they say that they continue to be married because of their religious beliefs. Plenty of religious people, and plenty of non-religious people, stay married for life. But I have literally never heard someone say they strive to stay married because of religion.
  - kelnos 9y ago
    Not either of the posters you've replied to, but I don't believe either of them said that they're only in the marriage for religious reasons. They want to abide by the restrictions their religious beliefs places on them. They may be lucky that their marriage is working out, and that they've been able to work through the problems they've encountered. Maybe someone without their religious beliefs might have thrown in the towel earlier, but they personally don't think that's the way to go. But who knows, maybe someday they will hit an impasse and decide their personal happiness is more important than their religious beliefs. But for _now_, they are happy and stable enough that their religious beliefs help (as another poster suggested) to anchor them. Full disclosure: I'm an atheist who thinks staying in relationships solely for religious regions is sad and a waste. I just believe you're misinterpreting their statements.