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Can you go into more detail about this? I'm struggling with the decision of whether to have a child with my significant other, and wouldn't mind hearing more a

Can you go into more detail about this? I'm struggling with the decision of whether to have a child with my significant other, and wouldn't mind hearing more about how it has affected your mental state, along with your professional life. Thanks!

petercooper 16y ago
I'm not the person you're responding to, but we had our first 8 months ago and I thought I'd interject. For the first few months I got almost nothing done. When other parents say that they "have no time" yet seem unable to answer questions about what they were actually doing, they're not lying or covering up. Time "disappears" like crazy yet also feels like an eternity. Days pass by full of chores, cleaning, and calming a screaming baby.. but like with any form of exercise, the painful aspects are somehow forgotten over time. I certainly share the sentiment that having the demand of a child in your life can help you "focus." If you know that baby monitor might be going off in 1, 2, 3 or 4 hours (and you have NO clue when!) you start working in a way that's quite organized or that is easy to dip in/out of. This works out for the better. With no such demands, it is very easy to rationalize procrastination. It helps a lot to have everything solid with your partner. I'm NOT a natural parent at all and while I love her, my daughter still bugs the crap out of me and I find it hard to "deal" with her for more than an hour or two at a time. I recognize this as a flaw in my personality, but also know I'll be crazy over teaching her things and talking to her when she gets older. This isn't a "man thing" as such, but it certainly seems common (my dad was exactly the same way.) As such, my wife is far and away the primary parent. As a nightowl, I tend to my daughter through the night when she wants feeding, etc, but during the day it's 90% mom. I do a lot of chores though, but the arrangement is that I'm the breadwinner and she's a full-time mom. She's very cool with that, but.. a lot of women might not be. Not sure I can think of anything else off hand, so I'll leave it there for now :-)
voidfiles 16y ago
Man, for me it was a pain in the ass for about 6 months. I love my kids, bu I just couldn't get over how mmuch tiem they took. Over time though I realized that they become necasary to who I am, and not a blocker to who I am. They give me q reason to step away from the computer, and often while switching tracks I come up with good ideas. It's not for everyone though I am lucky enough to have a day job that pays me enough so my wife can stay home, and I suppose a wife that wants to stay home. If you hate kids, don't have kids, but if deep down you think you would, then it might be a good idea, the younger the better, I am 26, and am stocked that when I am 40 my oldest will be 18, so I have all whole nother life to live after this one.
- DTrejo 16y ago
  when I am 40 my oldest will be 18, so I have all whole nother life to live after this one. I never really thought of it like that, thanks for pointing this out :)
rfreytag 16y ago
"Purpose" Your child trusts you completely. Everything you do matters to him/her utterly. Your child withholds nothing and you find yourself, compelled to answer in kind. I am a stay-at-home Dad running a small software company. My son was born a few weeks after I submitted the first proposal to develop the new product. His first two and a half years have been circumscribed by that contract. My daughter was born when the follow on contract went live. Her first two and half years have also been circumscribed by a contract - the second one. The late nights, early mornings, urgent crises, and - yes - triumphs (mine and my childrens') have been uncountable. You must manage your time around this. You won't have time to luxuriate in exploration before the Person from Porlock knocks. I miss the exploring. Sleep like a soldier when you can, work fast when you mind is clear and the house silent. I used to stay up late - now we are awoken with the sun by the Son. I have aged 10 years in 5 - no question about it. I also have lived 10 years in a very full 5. Caution, 2 children is more than twice as hard. Space them out - be in diapers with one at a time. Have family nearby (we did not) as the buffer softens the really hard times when everything goes wrong or everyone is sick. To your partner - be deeply affectionate for no reason and often. You will gain reserves for the tough times. That makes four startups - business, marriage, and two doses of purpose.
- cwp 16y ago
  "Purpose" is exactly right. I've been meaning to start a business for years, but I kept getting sucked into other people's projects because they were working on great stuff. Being a parent has really forced me to extend my planning horizon, get organized, figure out what's important (for my family as well as myself) and devote myself to it. When my daughter was born, I took 8 months off from my day job, intending to divide my time between taking care of the baby and banging out a prototype. I expected that I'd be able to work while the baby was asleep. That was true, but what I didn't expect was that my free time would come in very short intervals. I found I couldn't maintain focus long enough to create something new. Instead, I switched strategies and started doing contract work. That was better; with well-defined tasks, I could make real progress in 15 or 20 minutes, be interrupted and then efficiently pickup where I left off. That was a setback, no doubt, but it hasn't derailed me the way it once would have. Not making progress on my prototype delays my startup plans, but it does put me in a better financial position to carry them out. My purpose is clear and concrete. It's not some abstract ambition like making "a lot" of money, gaining the admiration of my peers, or "being a success." It's to be able to give my family what they need, as completely as possible. So being a parent has forced me to take a slower, more deliberate path, but it's also given me the determination required to walk it.

petercooper 16y ago

I'm not the person you're responding to, but we had our first 8 months ago and I thought I'd interject. For the first few months I got almost nothing done. When other parents say that they "have no time" yet seem unable to answer questions about what they were actually doing, they're not lying or covering up. Time "disappears" like crazy yet also feels like an eternity. Days pass by full of chores, cleaning, and calming a screaming baby.. but like with any form of exercise, the painful aspects are somehow forgotten over time. I certainly share the sentiment that having the demand of a child in your life can help you "focus." If you know that baby monitor might be going off in 1, 2, 3 or 4 hours (and you have NO clue when!) you start working in a way that's quite organized or that is easy to dip in/out of. This works out for the better. With no such demands, it is very easy to rationalize procrastination. It helps a lot to have everything solid with your partner. I'm NOT a natural parent at all and while I love her, my daughter still bugs the crap out of me and I find it hard to "deal" with her for more than an hour or two at a time. I recognize this as a flaw in my personality, but also know I'll be crazy over teaching her things and talking to her when she gets older. This isn't a "man thing" as such, but it certainly seems common (my dad was exactly the same way.) As such, my wife is far and away the primary parent. As a nightowl, I tend to my daughter through the night when she wants feeding, etc, but during the day it's 90% mom. I do a lot of chores though, but the arrangement is that I'm the breadwinner and she's a full-time mom. She's very cool with that, but.. a lot of women might not be. Not sure I can think of anything else off hand, so I'll leave it there for now :-)

voidfiles 16y ago

Man, for me it was a pain in the ass for about 6 months. I love my kids, bu I just couldn't get over how mmuch tiem they took. Over time though I realized that they become necasary to who I am, and not a blocker to who I am. They give me q reason to step away from the computer, and often while switching tracks I come up with good ideas. It's not for everyone though I am lucky enough to have a day job that pays me enough so my wife can stay home, and I suppose a wife that wants to stay home. If you hate kids, don't have kids, but if deep down you think you would, then it might be a good idea, the younger the better, I am 26, and am stocked that when I am 40 my oldest will be 18, so I have all whole nother life to live after this one.

DTrejo 16y ago
when I am 40 my oldest will be 18, so I have all whole nother life to live after this one. I never really thought of it like that, thanks for pointing this out :)

rfreytag 16y ago

"Purpose" Your child trusts you completely. Everything you do matters to him/her utterly. Your child withholds nothing and you find yourself, compelled to answer in kind. I am a stay-at-home Dad running a small software company. My son was born a few weeks after I submitted the first proposal to develop the new product. His first two and a half years have been circumscribed by that contract. My daughter was born when the follow on contract went live. Her first two and half years have also been circumscribed by a contract - the second one. The late nights, early mornings, urgent crises, and - yes - triumphs (mine and my childrens') have been uncountable. You must manage your time around this. You won't have time to luxuriate in exploration before the Person from Porlock knocks. I miss the exploring. Sleep like a soldier when you can, work fast when you mind is clear and the house silent. I used to stay up late - now we are awoken with the sun by the Son. I have aged 10 years in 5 - no question about it. I also have lived 10 years in a very full 5. Caution, 2 children is more than twice as hard. Space them out - be in diapers with one at a time. Have family nearby (we did not) as the buffer softens the really hard times when everything goes wrong or everyone is sick. To your partner - be deeply affectionate for no reason and often. You will gain reserves for the tough times. That makes four startups - business, marriage, and two doses of purpose.

cwp 16y ago
"Purpose" is exactly right. I've been meaning to start a business for years, but I kept getting sucked into other people's projects because they were working on great stuff. Being a parent has really forced me to extend my planning horizon, get organized, figure out what's important (for my family as well as myself) and devote myself to it. When my daughter was born, I took 8 months off from my day job, intending to divide my time between taking care of the baby and banging out a prototype. I expected that I'd be able to work while the baby was asleep. That was true, but what I didn't expect was that my free time would come in very short intervals. I found I couldn't maintain focus long enough to create something new. Instead, I switched strategies and started doing contract work. That was better; with well-defined tasks, I could make real progress in 15 or 20 minutes, be interrupted and then efficiently pickup where I left off. That was a setback, no doubt, but it hasn't derailed me the way it once would have. Not making progress on my prototype delays my startup plans, but it does put me in a better financial position to carry them out. My purpose is clear and concrete. It's not some abstract ambition like making "a lot" of money, gaining the admiration of my peers, or "being a success." It's to be able to give my family what they need, as completely as possible. So being a parent has forced me to take a slower, more deliberate path, but it's also given me the determination required to walk it.