4 ms·
Ask HN: How important are networking events?
I'm working on a startup. I have a day job, so I have very limited time. My co-founder and I are in the Bay Area, and there are a ton of meetups and networking events around here. We've been to four in the last couple of weeks. The first was wonderful, but I found the next three depressing.
I'm pretty good at maintaining my own internal reality distortion field, but a few hours in a room with a bunch of dressed up guys selling things to each other, and the field starts to falter. I look at their elaborate projects and ours seems terribly small. I have difficulty talking about what we're doing. It just feels yucky.
Technical events are much better, but I feel out of place there as well, because I'm usually the only (or almost only) woman in the room, and that out-of-placeness also messes with my mindset.
I often feel like my time would be better spent locked in my room developing. On the other hand, I see the benefit in getting to know interesting people and being exposed to ideas I might not have discovered on my own. If going to these events gives us some fresh perspective, or a few good contacts, then it might be worth it.
What do you think?
- samratjp 16y agoGo put yourself in front of potential customers - they are the ones who are going to make or break your product. As about those events, I am sure you can find some good ones - definitely check out TiE http://sv.tie.org/TGS/EM/viewevent/viewEventPT?id_event=3990 http://sv.tie.org/TGS/EM/viewevent/viewEventPT?id_event=3990 I know that's an old event, but they have a large member base and you'll very likely run into many "doers".
- babyduck 16y agoThanks, that looks like a good group.
- jamesbritt 16y ago"Technical events are much better, but I feel out of place there as well, because I'm usually the only (or almost only) woman in the room, and that out-of-placeness also messes with my mindset." First, to hell with other people. Also, not to diminish the feeling you have from being the only woman in the room, but anecdotal experience tells me many people in such settings feel like they're the odd person out, for all sorts of reasons. But see if you can exploit this oddity. A lot of people at such events get tired of hearing the same stuff from the same sorts of people. If you're different, make the most of it. (Yeah, I know, giving advice is easy.) I've been to a lot of tech events, have spoken at geek gatherings dozens of times. If you are looking to get hired by another geek, it can work well. If you are looking for customers, less well, since they typically do not attend software conferences and such. OTOH, I've had people get in touch with me because they've seen that I've given talks, written articles, and so on, and they use that to estimate my skills. Plus I've met many smart people dong interesting things, so the brain-boost from attending the right gatherings is a big win. Myself, I hate anything that is explicitly a networking event. I hate schmoozing, I usually hate small talk. So I avoid them. :) But at some point it's important to get face time with the non-geeks with whom you want to do business. When I have to do it I try to think of it as a game, or as some sort of performance art.
- babyduck 16y agoSo it sounds like it's a matter of testing out a variety of events to find the right ones. What do you do to make it a game? One friend suggested creating a character who enjoys whatever it is the event requires and pretending to be her (or even him). I haven't tried this yet, but will. I also realized a few days ago that I'm seeing the crowd as me + everyone else, where "everyone else" is a single entity which knows a lot of things that I don't. I have to keep reminding myself that to any given person, I'm part of "everyone else". These things help a little. The odd-one-out feeling comes from somewhere way down deep though, it (or whatever causes it) filters my words and behavior before they even get to my conscious mind. I don't think it's something anyone can just turn off, no matter how irrational it is. It can be quite frustrating. There must be ways to work around it though.
- jamesbritt 16y ago"What do you do to make it a game?" Um, I sort of pretend to be a social person:) I was never much of a people person, but I earned my way through school working at hotels, and had to deal with people all the time. I learned a few tricks, mostly around the idea of having a public personae. I also learned that people like to talk about themselves, so I see how long I can go without using the words "I" or "me", and pretend like I'm interviewing people. (Sort of; enough to keep the conversation moving before it becomes yet another monologue by and about James.) 'I also realized a few days ago that I'm seeing the crowd as me + everyone else, where "everyone else" is a single entity which knows a lot of things that I don't. I have to keep reminding myself that to any given person, I'm part of "everyone else".' It seems that most people, most of the time, are thinking more about themselves than about you or anyone else in the room. I know what you mean about that deep-rooted odd-one-out feeling. If it's any consolation, there seem to be quite a lot us odd-one-out people. Also, if you keep pushing yourself, that feeling tends to fade, at least somewhat. If noting else, if you make repeat visits to various events, you'll make friends and acquaintances, and it gets easier. Years ago I would never have imagined myself being the sort of person to lead a rock band or organize social gatherings or give talks to hundreds of people. But I've done it, and while I'm still geeky/gawky in the process, I've learned a hell of a lot. I'm seriously tempted to go check out Toastmasters, too, to improve my public speaking and general social skills. http://www.toastmasters.org/ http://www.toastmasters.org/