8 ms·

"I was once dating a girl whom I liked, but wasn’t crazy about, as she didn’t meet my predefined standards for excellence in a mate." Obviously this guy is a c

"I was once dating a girl whom I liked, but wasn’t crazy about, as she didn’t meet my predefined standards for excellence in a mate." Obviously this guy is a cool dude.

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DeusExMachina 16y ago
I don't get if your is irony or not, but I think that having high standards for the partner we want (especially for life) is a good thing. I don't think that this is something that has something to do with "being cool". Why should we settle when the world is full of girls that could match our preferences? When people start their own startup, they have high aims. Why should we aim low in our relationships?
- reader5000 16y ago
  The article had good points (although I'm not sure on topic for HN) however using phrases like "predefined standards of excellence" in regards to people/dating sort of makes it sound like the last time you left your mom's basement was a couple months ago. Since the article writer is into psychology he might also like to research "psychopathology".
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  - ellyagg 16y ago
    Considering your love life with a technical and analytical bent in no way suggests a lack of feelings (psychopathology), and it will definitely improve your odds of being successful. It's a bit creepy to intimidate others into suboptimal life strategies by stigmatizing their attempts at self-improvement.
    - narag 16y ago
      The irony here is that the guy is criticizing how others fail to value external conventions while he can't see how he fails to do so in his writing.
- kenjackson 16y ago
  It really depends on what your standards actually are and if those are truly what will make you happy. In college I remember a lot of girls had core requirements that were like: 6'4" and taller. six pack, seven-figure salary, nice clothes, nice smell, college degree, nice and monogamous, good in bed, good kisser, a bit of a bad boy. And I'd think, "if you could land this guy, there are clearly things about you that aren't apparent upon first meeting you." My next thought was, "prepare to spend your life being single"
  - electromagnetic 16y ago
    Nice and monogamous /= bad boy Six pack /= 7-figure salary/college degree These traits are typically opposites. Monogamy typically doesn't work with a bad boy. Six pack generally doesn't suit up with a 7-figure salary. The few people I've met that fit the six-pack and 7-figure salary are typically construction workers that have gone on to own their own business. These two rarely coincide for long since the 7-figure salary typically excludes any more physical work and requires sitting in a chair. For those not in the know, when you're consuming ~4000 calories a day and not gaining weight because of physical activity that when you stop being physical you generally don't stop eating those ~4000 calories until you gain ~20lbs and bury the 6 pack.
    - jules 16y ago
      > Six pack generally doesn't suit up with a 7-figure salary. Why not?
      - jules 16y ago
        I mean a small part of the population has a six pack and a small part of the population has a 7 figure salary, but I think high salary is correlated with six pack, not anti-correlated.
- mattchew 16y ago
  It's not his standards, it's his weaselly way of talking about them. Here's what he said in plain English: "Even though I was dating her, she really wasn't good enough for me." Later he says "that doesn't mean she's not a great individual". Gag. If you really want to blog about how your ex wasn't good enough for you, just do it straight out and take the heat.
  - zackattack 16y ago
    People sure do love the appearance of consistency. Your criticism is logically invalid: just because I think that Alan Kay is a great individual doesn't mean that he meets my personal "standards for excellence in a mate". However, your criticism is valid from a practical perspective, so I sincerely thank you.
    - mattchew 16y ago
      Well, you're welcome. Saying something that sounds bad isn't the end of the world (good thing for me). Live and learn.
  - electromagnetic 16y ago
    Agreed, basically he's saying "I'm only dating her till someone better comes along". You're a man, have the balls to dump a woman you don't want to be with don't be a douche and string her along just to get laid it's pathetic.
- mjsergey 16y ago
  Not everyone would agree with (seemingly) basing relationships on what criteria they fulfill, which would seem to reduce love to an I scratch your back, you scratch mine scenario. Often times love is seen as an ethical, selfless act, as well as--and even in spite of--one that fulfills happiness.
- quomopete 16y ago
  I don't think that this has something to do with "when people start their own startup." Hearing a guy talk about "preferred excellence in a mate" sounds to me like someone who would be better off working through one of those professional matchmakers you find in the in-flight magazine, that or a 5,000 dollar sex doll.
tome 16y ago
Sometimes people write, for whatever reason, in a way that may make them sound like idiots, but that doesn't mean there isn't truth in what they say, and I thought this particular paragraph was very interesting.
jules 16y ago
At least he's honest...

"I was once dating a girl whom I liked, but wasn’t crazy about, as she didn’t meet my predefined standards for excellence in a mate." Obviously this guy is a cool dude.

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DeusExMachina 16y ago

I don't get if your is irony or not, but I think that having high standards for the partner we want (especially for life) is a good thing. I don't think that this is something that has something to do with "being cool". Why should we settle when the world is full of girls that could match our preferences? When people start their own startup, they have high aims. Why should we aim low in our relationships?

reader5000 16y ago
The article had good points (although I'm not sure on topic for HN) however using phrases like "predefined standards of excellence" in regards to people/dating sort of makes it sound like the last time you left your mom's basement was a couple months ago. Since the article writer is into psychology he might also like to research "psychopathology".
- deleted 16y ago
  [deleted]
- ellyagg 16y ago
  Considering your love life with a technical and analytical bent in no way suggests a lack of feelings (psychopathology), and it will definitely improve your odds of being successful. It's a bit creepy to intimidate others into suboptimal life strategies by stigmatizing their attempts at self-improvement.
  - narag 16y ago
    The irony here is that the guy is criticizing how others fail to value external conventions while he can't see how he fails to do so in his writing.
kenjackson 16y ago
It really depends on what your standards actually are and if those are truly what will make you happy. In college I remember a lot of girls had core requirements that were like: 6'4" and taller. six pack, seven-figure salary, nice clothes, nice smell, college degree, nice and monogamous, good in bed, good kisser, a bit of a bad boy. And I'd think, "if you could land this guy, there are clearly things about you that aren't apparent upon first meeting you." My next thought was, "prepare to spend your life being single"
- electromagnetic 16y ago
  Nice and monogamous /= bad boy Six pack /= 7-figure salary/college degree These traits are typically opposites. Monogamy typically doesn't work with a bad boy. Six pack generally doesn't suit up with a 7-figure salary. The few people I've met that fit the six-pack and 7-figure salary are typically construction workers that have gone on to own their own business. These two rarely coincide for long since the 7-figure salary typically excludes any more physical work and requires sitting in a chair. For those not in the know, when you're consuming ~4000 calories a day and not gaining weight because of physical activity that when you stop being physical you generally don't stop eating those ~4000 calories until you gain ~20lbs and bury the 6 pack.
  - jules 16y ago
    > Six pack generally doesn't suit up with a 7-figure salary. Why not?
    - jules 16y ago
      I mean a small part of the population has a six pack and a small part of the population has a 7 figure salary, but I think high salary is correlated with six pack, not anti-correlated.
mattchew 16y ago
It's not his standards, it's his weaselly way of talking about them. Here's what he said in plain English: "Even though I was dating her, she really wasn't good enough for me." Later he says "that doesn't mean she's not a great individual". Gag. If you really want to blog about how your ex wasn't good enough for you, just do it straight out and take the heat.
- zackattack 16y ago
  People sure do love the appearance of consistency. Your criticism is logically invalid: just because I think that Alan Kay is a great individual doesn't mean that he meets my personal "standards for excellence in a mate". However, your criticism is valid from a practical perspective, so I sincerely thank you.
  - mattchew 16y ago
    Well, you're welcome. Saying something that sounds bad isn't the end of the world (good thing for me). Live and learn.
- electromagnetic 16y ago
  Agreed, basically he's saying "I'm only dating her till someone better comes along". You're a man, have the balls to dump a woman you don't want to be with don't be a douche and string her along just to get laid it's pathetic.
mjsergey 16y ago
Not everyone would agree with (seemingly) basing relationships on what criteria they fulfill, which would seem to reduce love to an I scratch your back, you scratch mine scenario. Often times love is seen as an ethical, selfless act, as well as--and even in spite of--one that fulfills happiness.
quomopete 16y ago
I don't think that this has something to do with "when people start their own startup." Hearing a guy talk about "preferred excellence in a mate" sounds to me like someone who would be better off working through one of those professional matchmakers you find in the in-flight magazine, that or a 5,000 dollar sex doll.

tome 16y ago

Sometimes people write, for whatever reason, in a way that may make them sound like idiots, but that doesn't mean there isn't truth in what they say, and I thought this particular paragraph was very interesting.

jules 16y ago

At least he's honest...