It's not mentioned here, but when Recurse Center explains this rule to recursers, it's explicitly discussed that despite the name, it doesn't actually matter if

It's not mentioned here, but when Recurse Center explains this rule to recursers, it's explicitly discussed that despite the name, it doesn't actually matter if you're actually surprised, it's still a "violation" of the rule to express that surprise in the particular terms of "I can't beleive you don't know about x!". However, violations of the rules are not a "big deal" that you are made to feel terrible about either, it is more a vocabulary for telling you in turn that you made a misstep with your reaction, and let's move on. Julia talks about it in your quote above, but she says not to "act surprised", but she doesn't mean act as in fake, or feign, she means the action of expressing surprise. Another good reference is xkcd[0]. The point is not whether you're surprised, but the chilling effect that the judgment that someone should have already known this thing can have on their confidence, willingness to admit to not knowing things, and to the social dynamic of interacting with you. [0]https://xkcd.com/1053/ https://xkcd.com/1053/