3 ms·

This rule always struck me as a bit fundamentally blind to and micro-managing of human interaction. Why would someone ever feign surprise? I feel like I rarely

This rule always struck me as a bit fundamentally blind to and micro-managing of human interaction. Why would someone ever feign surprise? I feel like I rarely feel the need to feign emotions and surprise have never been one of them.

patio11 9y ago
It's a learned behavior, similar to how repeating memes is also a learned behavior. People use it for various purposes (signaling ingroup membership, belittling others, etc) and for no particular purpose at all, just like people often say things for no deep reason at all. I believe that considered reflection of all of your expressions of emotion in a day is highly likely to come up with many which are for purposes other than desire to express that emotion. Many of them are culturally ingrained, much like (for some folks) feigned disguise is culturally ingrained or for other folks feigned distaste when a tribal enemy is mentioned is culturally ingrained. A common emotional response you almost certainly fake without every thinking you're faking: how would you answer someone who asked "How are you doing today?" Virtually no one who is socially well-adjusted has a wide range of responses to that question despite there being a wide range of emotional states in life. (I have fairly developed thoughts on the question of modulating emotional response to fit into a particular culture because of deep necessity to get better at it, including taking formal classes, at different points in my life.)
- andreyf 9y ago
  > signaling ingroup membership, belittling others, etc Good call. I'm certainly not an authority on being well-adjusted, but for me personally, those sound like seeds planted in insincerity leading to a varied bouquet of suffering. In the context of creating a sense of community around us, we are better off if we learn to strive to act thoughtfully and sincerely from a young age, and encourage others who do likewise. I'd much prefer this rule to be a minor counter-example beneath "empower others". Answering sincerely-yet-appropriately to "How are you?" isn't trivial, but it's worth it. In the past week, I've responded with a wide variety of sighs (to friends), "ok. I'm ok." (to a doctor who I was seeing after being kept awake by excruciating pain), "right now? good, happy to see you!" (to a less frequently seen acquaintance), "oy, don't ask, there's a line. but I'm looking forward to this porkbelly!" (to a grocer). I imagine I might come off as a brash American if I were to try what I perceive as sincerity in more reserved cultures, but in middle class America it seems to work at-least-OK :-)

patio11 9y ago

It's a learned behavior, similar to how repeating memes is also a learned behavior. People use it for various purposes (signaling ingroup membership, belittling others, etc) and for no particular purpose at all, just like people often say things for no deep reason at all. I believe that considered reflection of all of your expressions of emotion in a day is highly likely to come up with many which are for purposes other than desire to express that emotion. Many of them are culturally ingrained, much like (for some folks) feigned disguise is culturally ingrained or for other folks feigned distaste when a tribal enemy is mentioned is culturally ingrained. A common emotional response you almost certainly fake without every thinking you're faking: how would you answer someone who asked "How are you doing today?" Virtually no one who is socially well-adjusted has a wide range of responses to that question despite there being a wide range of emotional states in life. (I have fairly developed thoughts on the question of modulating emotional response to fit into a particular culture because of deep necessity to get better at it, including taking formal classes, at different points in my life.)

andreyf 9y ago
> signaling ingroup membership, belittling others, etc Good call. I'm certainly not an authority on being well-adjusted, but for me personally, those sound like seeds planted in insincerity leading to a varied bouquet of suffering. In the context of creating a sense of community around us, we are better off if we learn to strive to act thoughtfully and sincerely from a young age, and encourage others who do likewise. I'd much prefer this rule to be a minor counter-example beneath "empower others". Answering sincerely-yet-appropriately to "How are you?" isn't trivial, but it's worth it. In the past week, I've responded with a wide variety of sighs (to friends), "ok. I'm ok." (to a doctor who I was seeing after being kept awake by excruciating pain), "right now? good, happy to see you!" (to a less frequently seen acquaintance), "oy, don't ask, there's a line. but I'm looking forward to this porkbelly!" (to a grocer). I imagine I might come off as a brash American if I were to try what I perceive as sincerity in more reserved cultures, but in middle class America it seems to work at-least-OK :-)