4 ms·

My "networking" became 100x easier and more effective once I ditched "networking events" (not that I ever went to many) and made "friends of friends" networking

My "networking" became 100x easier and more effective once I ditched "networking events" (not that I ever went to many) and made "friends of friends" networking through hikes/biking/dinner/etc. my main mode of expanding my circle of friendly knowledge worker acquaintances. Also you form actual friendships from time to time.

deleted 10y ago
[deleted]
mathattack 10y ago
Very true. Meeting friends through friends is much more effective. And Networking events usually wind up having too many insurance salespeople!
- godmodus 10y ago
  Thats a catch 22 for some. Cant meet friends through friends if you dont have feiends.
  - QML 10y ago
    Just think about it as an exponential function. All you need is a seed value of 1 -- so make that one friend.
    - im3w1l 10y ago
      Not really - it only works if that one friend is connected, and if they are willing to take you to events with their other friends. I know many people who prefer meeting 1-on-1.
- mjevans 10y ago
  Has to be the right friends and social activities too. I don't want to drink or do other recreational drugs (even if they are legal). Going and not doing also seems to be not an option, you're clearly the black sheep.
  - tonyarkles 10y ago
    I don't drink often, and when I do it's usually just one or two with my partner to unwind at home. I used to though, pretty heavily, and making that transition was tough: a) I definitely had been using alcohol as a social crutch and felt super self-conscious at parties when I wasn't drinking, and b) a lot of my friends knew me as a drinker and would give me some grief about it. I've found two things that really made it easy to go to parties and things and not drink: - Don't make a big deal about it, just politely decline when someone offers you a drink. "Can I get you a drink?" "I'm good, thanks" or "no thanks" is all it takes. If you say "no, I don't drink" to someone who's been drinking, that's way more likely to turn into an awkward situation. Alternatively, "I've got to drive" works too. - Don't make it obvious that you haven't been drinking. If people are cheering and being loud, participate! You're at a party! When I first cut back, I often tried to talk about whatever it was I was thinking about at the time and was often met with "Dude, why are you thinking about that right now? We're on a pub crawl!" Time and place. Now when I go out to a party, I'll hang out, do whatever's going on, and usually offer a few people a ride home whenever I'm getting ready to leave. Still gives me a chance to socialize for a while, catch up with old friends/meet new ones, and then I get to wake up and feel great the next morning. Edit: re: being the "black sheep"... if you're otherwise just going with the flow of conversation and energy in the room, the only person who will really notice whether or not you're drinking is you. Hell, I sometimes even play drinking games (e.g. sociables) with a glass of water. Some people know that I'm just drinking water, some don't, but no one cares because I'm in there having fun with everyone else. Also, if you're at a party with red solo cups, water is pretty much indistinguishable from any other drink, and if you're really feeling self-conscious about it, some Sprite or Coke or whatever with a few ice cubes is visually identical to a mixed drink. Beer might be trickier.
  - mathattack 10y ago
    There are lots of non-drinking non-drugs activities out there. In any major city, there are others with similar interest. Jiu jitsu, swing dancing, Minecraft, legos, take your pick...
maus42 10y ago
But how do you start without the first set of friends and, so to speak, the base case of the induction fails?
- xapata 10y ago
  Get some hobbies that involve interacting with people. Or go to meetups about your hobbies.
- godmodus 10y ago
  Register for a social Hobby. Karate, guitar, dancing, book club or frisbee. I wouldnt reccomend a gym, though maybe on the side for health reasons.
  - calvano915 10y ago
    Yes, I've found Meetup to be very useful in finding like-minded, social people. More difficult to make close friends, but significantly expands your ability to do so.
- huehehue 10y ago
  I have a hard time believing anybody starts from absolute zero in these scenarios, but here's an example from a self-proclaimed introvert: - Pair up with random guy at a school hackathon because we're both without a project (+1). Meet a friend of his (+1). - Meet him months later for birthday drinks. Introduced to his friend, we end up starting a band with 3 of his friends. (+4) - Meet countless people through the music scene (+?) - Go to another hackathon together with first guy, join another pair (+2), win, catch a recruiter's (+1) attention and get an internship. - Meet countless people over the summer during the internship (+?) - [...] That's the very short version. Most of my network can be traced back to like, 4 people that started as strangers. There were a lot of dead-ends initially, sure. But it really does just take one person to build or reshape your entire social circle, change your career, etc. The first set is the hardest imo, but there's no excuse* for not going out and trying to find it. *excepting, of course, any affliction which might make social interaction difficult. "i'd rather stay home" is not an afflication

deleted 10y ago

[deleted]

mathattack 10y ago

Very true. Meeting friends through friends is much more effective. And Networking events usually wind up having too many insurance salespeople!

godmodus 10y ago
Thats a catch 22 for some. Cant meet friends through friends if you dont have feiends.
- QML 10y ago
  Just think about it as an exponential function. All you need is a seed value of 1 -- so make that one friend.
  - im3w1l 10y ago
    Not really - it only works if that one friend is connected, and if they are willing to take you to events with their other friends. I know many people who prefer meeting 1-on-1.
mjevans 10y ago
Has to be the right friends and social activities too. I don't want to drink or do other recreational drugs (even if they are legal). Going and not doing also seems to be not an option, you're clearly the black sheep.
- tonyarkles 10y ago
  I don't drink often, and when I do it's usually just one or two with my partner to unwind at home. I used to though, pretty heavily, and making that transition was tough: a) I definitely had been using alcohol as a social crutch and felt super self-conscious at parties when I wasn't drinking, and b) a lot of my friends knew me as a drinker and would give me some grief about it. I've found two things that really made it easy to go to parties and things and not drink: - Don't make a big deal about it, just politely decline when someone offers you a drink. "Can I get you a drink?" "I'm good, thanks" or "no thanks" is all it takes. If you say "no, I don't drink" to someone who's been drinking, that's way more likely to turn into an awkward situation. Alternatively, "I've got to drive" works too. - Don't make it obvious that you haven't been drinking. If people are cheering and being loud, participate! You're at a party! When I first cut back, I often tried to talk about whatever it was I was thinking about at the time and was often met with "Dude, why are you thinking about that right now? We're on a pub crawl!" Time and place. Now when I go out to a party, I'll hang out, do whatever's going on, and usually offer a few people a ride home whenever I'm getting ready to leave. Still gives me a chance to socialize for a while, catch up with old friends/meet new ones, and then I get to wake up and feel great the next morning. Edit: re: being the "black sheep"... if you're otherwise just going with the flow of conversation and energy in the room, the only person who will really notice whether or not you're drinking is you. Hell, I sometimes even play drinking games (e.g. sociables) with a glass of water. Some people know that I'm just drinking water, some don't, but no one cares because I'm in there having fun with everyone else. Also, if you're at a party with red solo cups, water is pretty much indistinguishable from any other drink, and if you're really feeling self-conscious about it, some Sprite or Coke or whatever with a few ice cubes is visually identical to a mixed drink. Beer might be trickier.
- mathattack 10y ago
  There are lots of non-drinking non-drugs activities out there. In any major city, there are others with similar interest. Jiu jitsu, swing dancing, Minecraft, legos, take your pick...

maus42 10y ago

But how do you start without the first set of friends and, so to speak, the base case of the induction fails?

xapata 10y ago
Get some hobbies that involve interacting with people. Or go to meetups about your hobbies.
godmodus 10y ago
Register for a social Hobby. Karate, guitar, dancing, book club or frisbee. I wouldnt reccomend a gym, though maybe on the side for health reasons.
- calvano915 10y ago
  Yes, I've found Meetup to be very useful in finding like-minded, social people. More difficult to make close friends, but significantly expands your ability to do so.
huehehue 10y ago
I have a hard time believing anybody starts from absolute zero in these scenarios, but here's an example from a self-proclaimed introvert: - Pair up with random guy at a school hackathon because we're both without a project (+1). Meet a friend of his (+1). - Meet him months later for birthday drinks. Introduced to his friend, we end up starting a band with 3 of his friends. (+4) - Meet countless people through the music scene (+?) - Go to another hackathon together with first guy, join another pair (+2), win, catch a recruiter's (+1) attention and get an internship. - Meet countless people over the summer during the internship (+?) - [...] That's the very short version. Most of my network can be traced back to like, 4 people that started as strangers. There were a lot of dead-ends initially, sure. But it really does just take one person to build or reshape your entire social circle, change your career, etc. The first set is the hardest imo, but there's no excuse* for not going out and trying to find it. *excepting, of course, any affliction which might make social interaction difficult. "i'd rather stay home" is not an afflication