3 ms·

Good comment but I wouldn't suggest saying you look like you are from someplace far away. Just sticking with the standard where you are from is good. Better t

by engx 9y ago

Good comment but I wouldn't suggest saying you look like you are from someplace far away. Just sticking with the standard where you are from is good. Better to have traveled out of the country a few times so you can relate. Best advice is to talk about doing something. This art museum, this meetup, this new great restaurant. "Oh join me and my other friends. Or let's go explore together." You can kind of bluff your way through this even if you have no other friends (go find them!).

SomeStupidPoint 9y ago
I like "where have you traveled?" It usually invites them to talk about being from somewhere else without getting "Kansas, asshole" responses from, eg, Asian Americans. It also gives them a chance to talk about an interesting experience, even if they're from somewhere boring. Almost everyone has been on one cool trip.
- fjdlwlv 9y ago
  Still looks a little competitive. Not everyone is wealthy enough to travel.
  - omegaham 9y ago
    In such a scenario, most people will happily bust out the self-deprecation and say "Well, nowhere interesting, but I did go to <interesting_semi-local_place>." Even an hour road trip to somewhere offbeat can be interesting enough for conversation.
    - kinkrtyavimoodh 9y ago
      >> "Well, nowhere interesting, but I did go to <interesting_semi-local_place>." Yes, but they may internally feel quite embarrassed saying they went to Rancho San Antonio when others are harping about snorkeling in the Great Barrier Reef and wrestling bears and seeing the Northern Lights.
chestervonwinch 9y ago
I agree. The "you look like you are ..." requires the other person to either affirm that they look conspicuously different than their peers or to refute the asker's claim that they look different, which could be embarrassing for both. Generally, I try to avoid comments on a person's appearance unless I'm pretty good friends with that person, even if it's something relatively benign like "you like my friend, Pat" or "you like $celebrity". Edit: of course, "where are you from?" could be perceived as a patronizing way to point out that the other person looks different. Socializing is hard.
- Frondo 9y ago
  The best form of "where are you from?" is "Are you from [this city we're now in]?" If they are, and you are, hey, you're both natives! Where did you go to high school? If they aren't, and you are, hey, what do you like about it? How long have you been here? What brought you here? If they are, and you aren't, hey, you're a native, I moved here x years ago, do you know restaurant X? It's my favorite. If they aren't, and you aren't, mix and match, any of the above.
greeneggs 9y ago
"You look like you are from far away" will offend lots of minorities, because it smells of racism. > He asks what many have asked before: “Where are you from?” I tell him Miami. He laughs and says, “No, but really. Where are you from from?” He mentions something about my features, my thin nose, and then trails off. I tell him my family is from Eritrea, a country in the Horn of Africa, next to Ethiopia. He looks relieved. “I knew it,” he says. “You’re not black.” I say that of course I am. “None more black,” I weakly joke. “Not really,” he says. “You’re African, not black-black. Blacks don’t hike.” https://www.outsideonline.com/2170266/solo-hiking-appalachian-trail-queer-black-woman https://www.outsideonline.com/2170266/solo-hiking-appalachia...
- ams6110 9y ago
  Especially these days when sensitivity to racism, sexism, other -isms and -phobias has reached hyperabsurd levels.

by engx 9y ago

SomeStupidPoint 9y ago

I like "where have you traveled?" It usually invites them to talk about being from somewhere else without getting "Kansas, asshole" responses from, eg, Asian Americans. It also gives them a chance to talk about an interesting experience, even if they're from somewhere boring. Almost everyone has been on one cool trip.

fjdlwlv 9y ago
Still looks a little competitive. Not everyone is wealthy enough to travel.
- omegaham 9y ago
  In such a scenario, most people will happily bust out the self-deprecation and say "Well, nowhere interesting, but I did go to <interesting_semi-local_place>." Even an hour road trip to somewhere offbeat can be interesting enough for conversation.
  - kinkrtyavimoodh 9y ago
    >> "Well, nowhere interesting, but I did go to <interesting_semi-local_place>." Yes, but they may internally feel quite embarrassed saying they went to Rancho San Antonio when others are harping about snorkeling in the Great Barrier Reef and wrestling bears and seeing the Northern Lights.

chestervonwinch 9y ago

I agree. The "you look like you are ..." requires the other person to either affirm that they look conspicuously different than their peers or to refute the asker's claim that they look different, which could be embarrassing for both. Generally, I try to avoid comments on a person's appearance unless I'm pretty good friends with that person, even if it's something relatively benign like "you like my friend, Pat" or "you like $celebrity". Edit: of course, "where are you from?" could be perceived as a patronizing way to point out that the other person looks different. Socializing is hard.

Frondo 9y ago
The best form of "where are you from?" is "Are you from [this city we're now in]?" If they are, and you are, hey, you're both natives! Where did you go to high school? If they aren't, and you are, hey, what do you like about it? How long have you been here? What brought you here? If they are, and you aren't, hey, you're a native, I moved here x years ago, do you know restaurant X? It's my favorite. If they aren't, and you aren't, mix and match, any of the above.

greeneggs 9y ago

"You look like you are from far away" will offend lots of minorities, because it smells of racism. > He asks what many have asked before: “Where are you from?” I tell him Miami. He laughs and says, “No, but really. Where are you from from?” He mentions something about my features, my thin nose, and then trails off. I tell him my family is from Eritrea, a country in the Horn of Africa, next to Ethiopia. He looks relieved. “I knew it,” he says. “You’re not black.” I say that of course I am. “None more black,” I weakly joke. “Not really,” he says. “You’re African, not black-black. Blacks don’t hike.” https://www.outsideonline.com/2170266/solo-hiking-appalachian-trail-queer-black-woman https://www.outsideonline.com/2170266/solo-hiking-appalachia...

ams6110 9y ago
Especially these days when sensitivity to racism, sexism, other -isms and -phobias has reached hyperabsurd levels.