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This was so difficult for me to read. I have struggled with extreme anxiety and chronic depression and brushed up against the thought of there being no way for
by jjjensen90 9y ago
This was so difficult for me to read.
I have struggled with extreme anxiety and chronic depression and brushed up against the thought of there being no way forward or out but suicide. During the closest calls, I was making the most I ever had, living in a nice house, etc. It didn't really matter though. I felt a tightness in my chest and a boiling kettle of acid in my stomach from the second I woke up until the second I fell into fitful sleep. I had a Pavlovian response to the sound of email arriving on my phone, to the point where it would be in my nightmares. But it was more than just work; irrational panic and anxiety filled everything facet of my life. I would nearly pass out from panic attacks when flying, or worry that the police I saw were going to arrest or harass me for an unknown crime, or think that any time my family was calling it would be tragic news.
About three months after I most seriously considered suicide, I got a new job, saw a psychiatrist, saw a counselor, and a few years later I was pretty much stable. I did have to detox off benzos, but that wasn't too bad.
It has to be understood that highly motivated, highly intelligent people can be driven to irrational levels of stress from their work. Unfortunately it isn't as easy as just reminding the person that they aren't their job or their career, just like you can't treat depression by telling a depressed person to turn their frown upside-down. This man may still have struggled with stress, anxiety, and depression even if he left Uber for somewhere healthier; what's important now is that people reading this story or these comments realise that there are always so many ways out, and that no matter what there are resources to keep you afloat.
- throwaway8800 9y ago> I had a Pavlovian response to the sound of email arriving on my phone, to the point where it would be in my nightmares. I went through a rough period last summer where a project I was involved in was a complete disaster. I basically spent 24x7 terrified that a new "emergency" was going to roll in on my phone via email with a stakeholder telling me how this new issue was ruining their life and how disappointed they were; an issue which I was expected to deal with immediately. After that summer and to this day I keep my phone in "Do Not Disturb" mode 24x7 and treat it as a passive communications device that I only check when I want to, because I have literally run out of notification tones on my phone that don't send a burst of adrenaline through my body upon hearing them. This is even after that project is over. I feel like it permanently damaged my brain and my ability to deal with stress. I have used smartwatches that notify you when an email comes in by vibrating on your wrist. I view these as modern-day human "shock collars" where the shock collar beneficiary is actually not you, but your employer. I actually warn others against falling into that trap of wearing a "shock collar for work". Having your arm vibrate the moment an email comes in is not healthy.
- purrcat259 9y agoI was so pumped to get a smartwatch, but in stressful times I would nearly rip it off my wrist if it vibrated. Eventually I set it so that only whatsapp messages alert me. Everything else can wait.
- Cthulhu_ 9y agoAnd the whatsapp messages can wait too - it's an asynchronous communications technology.
- icebraining 9y agoNotifications has always been one of the dissonant topics in our industry. We constantly complain about interruptions in our jobs, how it kills our productivity, yet we keep inventing new ways of interrupting us.
- aedron 9y agoI also use my phone like this. It's in my jacket pocket or shoulder bag, and I check it in the evening (sometimes). I do still have a sound for incoming phone call, but thinking about it now, I am going to consider disabling that too. There aren't a lot of things these days that can't be communicated by a text message, if only to say "hey can we have a chat about <this or that>". I hate that phone call sound and the stress of running to get the phone, anxiety about possibly having to deal with some shit, etc.
- coldpie 9y agoI just don't put work email on my personal devices. If I'm not at the office, I'm not working. Done. Otherwise you can pay me to be on-call, and that's a whole other discussion.
- pm90 9y ago100% this. Last time I had work ask me to install slack or email on my personal device, I politely declined, but suggested they provide me with another mobile device specifically for that purpose. They didn't do that; but if they had done, I would have most likely kept it off of me after work hours.
- defined 9y agoThank you for this. We need to hear more accounts like this one, and mine, to bring this issue into widespread view.
- fratlas 9y agoMan I so relate to this right now. Is there anyway I can email you? I really want to know how to overcome this.
- doubleplusgood 9y agoI'm going through something similar right now. We could open a Telegram support group :)
- cryptarch 9y agoA Signal group perhaps? Think of the children! (Telegram isn't secure and choosing stickers over security will yield more stickers and less security.)
- doubleplusgood 9y agoSure, works for me.
- throwaway8800 9y agoCount me in too.
- doubleplusgood 9y agoWe could meet on IRC and exchange numbers, then migrate to Signal... I've taken the liberty of setting up ##hackerblues on Freenode.
- knob 9y ago> I had a Pavlovian response to the sound of email arriving on my phone, I hope somebody finds this useful: I setup a 1 second "silent" mp3 as the notification sound for emails, messages, etc. If the phone actually rings, I pick it up. Yet the email notifications (got seven email accounts on the phone), the text messages, Telegram, Whatsapp... they are just silent now. Hope this helps someone!
- throwaway8800 9y agoThis is great; thanks!