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Maybe it's just my delivery, but in many contexts I've found people who react to "why" questions as confrontational. So much so that of the 6 W's [sic] I think

by rhizome 10y ago

Maybe it's just my delivery, but in many contexts I've found people who react to "why" questions as confrontational. So much so that of the 6 W's [sic] I think "why" is the line of inquiry most requiring of diplomacy.

ViViDboarder 10y ago
That's a great point. I think it's very much dependant on the audience as well as delivery. One would hope that people you work with are receptive to curiousity, however it's not a given. In those cases I tend to give a little bit of background as to why I want to know why. It helps show the person that you trust them, but you're curious anyway. Eg. "I think I missed some of the prior meetings on this, why is this the best option?" It adds a little bit of humility that prevents it from sounding confrontational. Sometimes I'll ask something that gets to the bottom of why without asking it directly. Asking "Did we test the other options before choosing this one?" Can help someone to elaborate their why and making yourself an active participant rather than listener only.
Clubber 10y ago
In my experience: 1. "Why" is the most important question you can ask, and understand the answer to. 2. If someone is defensive to being asked why, it's because they can't answer it well. 3. If you can't answer it well, you haven't thought it through enough.
- bayonetz 10y ago
  All true in isolation but... 1. Sometimes "why" can lead to analysis paralysis and procrastination. Sometimes "how" is better -- as in how do we best move on to a solution? 2. It depends on how the "why" is asked. If the asker is confrontational and implies the burden of proof is on the receiver, then the defensiveness might be warranted. In other words, sometimes people ask "why" because they are being contrarian dicks with axes to grind. 3. Sometimes you need time to think it through but the "why" asker expects your answer immediately and if you don't have one yet, uses this line of reasoning to conclude you must not have a good answer at all. It can be hard to have presence of mind in a situation like this and realize this fallacy is being thrusted upon you. Not a very fair setup.
  - Clubber 10y ago
    Yes, those are all problems with asking why and usually show up in a bad environment. Even with all that said, it's the most important question. Your list is a great example as to why having a toxic work environment will kill innovation; because people are afraid to ask and understand, "why." 1. The "how" is often formed by the "why," as in "why are we writing this software?" What problem are we solving? If you can't answer this well, the "how" is irrelevant. Don't get me wrong, the "how" is important too, but the "how" is dependent on the why. 2. I agree some people are dicks about it. The best way to counter that is have a good answer to the "why," then ask the person if they have anything to add. If they are just doing it to be a prick, they usually don't have an answer, or come up with something stupid. If they have actually been thinking about it, they might contribute something you haven't thought of, and you'll just have to deal with their abrasiveness to get it. 3. You absolutely need to think about your "why." If you don't have a complete answer, then say so, but add that you are still "chewing on it." It is intimidating, that's why you should always have a good answer.

by rhizome 10y ago

ViViDboarder 10y ago

That's a great point. I think it's very much dependant on the audience as well as delivery. One would hope that people you work with are receptive to curiousity, however it's not a given. In those cases I tend to give a little bit of background as to why I want to know why. It helps show the person that you trust them, but you're curious anyway. Eg. "I think I missed some of the prior meetings on this, why is this the best option?" It adds a little bit of humility that prevents it from sounding confrontational. Sometimes I'll ask something that gets to the bottom of why without asking it directly. Asking "Did we test the other options before choosing this one?" Can help someone to elaborate their why and making yourself an active participant rather than listener only.

Clubber 10y ago

In my experience: 1. "Why" is the most important question you can ask, and understand the answer to. 2. If someone is defensive to being asked why, it's because they can't answer it well. 3. If you can't answer it well, you haven't thought it through enough.

bayonetz 10y ago
All true in isolation but... 1. Sometimes "why" can lead to analysis paralysis and procrastination. Sometimes "how" is better -- as in how do we best move on to a solution? 2. It depends on how the "why" is asked. If the asker is confrontational and implies the burden of proof is on the receiver, then the defensiveness might be warranted. In other words, sometimes people ask "why" because they are being contrarian dicks with axes to grind. 3. Sometimes you need time to think it through but the "why" asker expects your answer immediately and if you don't have one yet, uses this line of reasoning to conclude you must not have a good answer at all. It can be hard to have presence of mind in a situation like this and realize this fallacy is being thrusted upon you. Not a very fair setup.
- Clubber 10y ago
  Yes, those are all problems with asking why and usually show up in a bad environment. Even with all that said, it's the most important question. Your list is a great example as to why having a toxic work environment will kill innovation; because people are afraid to ask and understand, "why." 1. The "how" is often formed by the "why," as in "why are we writing this software?" What problem are we solving? If you can't answer this well, the "how" is irrelevant. Don't get me wrong, the "how" is important too, but the "how" is dependent on the why. 2. I agree some people are dicks about it. The best way to counter that is have a good answer to the "why," then ask the person if they have anything to add. If they are just doing it to be a prick, they usually don't have an answer, or come up with something stupid. If they have actually been thinking about it, they might contribute something you haven't thought of, and you'll just have to deal with their abrasiveness to get it. 3. You absolutely need to think about your "why." If you don't have a complete answer, then say so, but add that you are still "chewing on it." It is intimidating, that's why you should always have a good answer.